S1 E9 Shit2TalkAbout Alcoholism with Kerri-Anne Kedziora
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Speaker 1
Welcome to Sh!t You Don’t Want to Talk About before listening to today's episode, please be advised. Some content may include discussion around topics that are difficult to hear, especially for Children under the age of 13. We want to encourage you to care for yourself, security and well being resources of each episode will be listed in the episode description and on the website Shit2TalkAbout dot com.
Speaker 2
Hey Kerri and Peter, thank you for joining Sh!t You Don’t Want to Talk About. Hey, Kerri, what are some things that you want to talk about? That shit?
Speaker 3
Most people don't want to talk about, you know, along with so many people in the world, I probably could write a book about shit that I don't wanna talk about. But the thing that I really love to talk about is the idea and the fact that a person can come back from alcoholism and be successful and live a rewarding wonderful life. What I have found in my life is honestly the realization that life can be so amazing thinking back to my childhood and my 27 years as an alcoholic I really had no
idea that there was anything outside of alcoholism. I felt really unworthy of even the simplest things. a kind word or gesture from anybody in my world was something that I was not worth, worth, I guess wasn't worthwhile now where I am in my life. actually, in seven days I will have my six year sober Bursary. So, you've kind of caught me at the right time because I'm doing a lot of reflection right now about sobriety and understanding it's just two different worlds to think back to
the world I was living in and the world that I live in now, I just can't believe that I'm even the same person or that this is the same life, you know what I mean? I was very traumatized as a child. And although I still have those feelings in me, like I understand that I was treated terribly by some of the people that mattered most in my life. I am no longer a victim of that. And so I think when you say, what is it that you want to talk about, just wanna talk about the art of survival, I guess.
Speaker 2
Oh, now, I feel like you just figured out the name for your book and, and, and who is this gentleman next to you? Coming on the ride with this adventure of the podcast today.
Speaker 3
He doesn't always like me to say it the way I do. But honestly he is my hero. He is the one person in the world that loved me enough to make me understand that I was worthy of being loved. This is my dog. He does not like being he doesn't like being locked out. He's got some trauma, trauma of his own.
Speaker 2
I'm sorry, I just hear him like, as you're talking and I'm just like what? But it makes so much more sense that it's your dog. And as you're, you're talking about Peter, I love that. He is. As soon as you said that he's your hero, he goes across and says Spiderman and I'm like, yes, that is exactly why I was hoping you were wearing that shirt today.
Speaker 4
It's normally my Superman shirts I wear.
Speaker 2
But yeah, there you go. Gotta switch it up a little bit. Now be before we go and dive into your past, Kerri. Can you kind of both of you tell us a bit of how y'all met, how like where were you in your, what it looks like for you carry when you met Peter? Because I believe you met before you were sober, right.
Speaker 3
Yeah. So Peter and I actually met on plenty of fish. I was very close to rock bottom in my alcoholism, but Peter didn't have any idea about that. Peter didn't know that I was an alcoholic until we moved in together. do you wanna say something about that?
Speaker 4
for, for me. I'm, I'm a pretty simple person, you know, a lot of things don't bother me. I, I, I've had some, I've had some pretty, bad relationships myself. so I've seen the worst of the worst of people. Lots. And the one thing that I always came to was if, like, if I would come home or something and, and found that she'd been drinking and if you want to talk, I'm done, I'll talk, we'll talk tomorrow, you know.
And I was like that and I'm pretty, I'm pretty easy with it. we nothing ever got beyond it, you know, I didn't drink with her so I wasn't, it, it was never a combatant thing, you know. And, you know, it's, it's not like it was, there was anything physical or anything like that. Right. Like most of the time it was her dogging herself. There was anything towards me.
Right. Never once, did she say I hate you? And I wish you would just leave or anything like that that a lot of people go through. so it was really easy for me. I found that I was, I felt worse hearing from other people that she had a drinking problem. That's what drove me more, more, you know, it, and what it did is that to make me want to protect her more, you know, and be there and, and I'm just like, you know, I, I said to her one day she asked me, she goes, how do you feel about my drinking?
I said, you know what I said, if I have to take you two days or three days a week drunk and I get you four days a week sober, I'll take those four days anytime, you know, and, and that's how it was. And I, you know, II, I came home every, every day I came home and all I ever want to do is just be with her. So the rest of it didn't matter, you know, it, even through the alcohol and stuff like that, I knew how she felt about me.
Right. It, when we met, I had told a bunch of friends of mine that I worked with, because we didn't see each other after we went over a couple of times that we didn't see each other for, I believe it was like six months.
Speaker 2
Oh, wow.
Speaker 4
Ok. She wasn't ready for a relationship. And I said to my buddies that, you know, I said there's something about this girl, I said because no matter what I say, she could continue my sentence or, or, you know, she would give me the feedback that I was looking for, in whether it was comical or just routine, just in life, right? Like I'd say something about, you know, how you feel about grandkids and how do you feel about this or, or that?
And if she answered my thoughts, that's, that's all that matters because I've never had that before. Everything was always you say something and you get something different every time and it's, it's the seven years we've been together. It's always been that way. You know, it's, it's life just easy for, I just, I just never fed it. I never fed it when she, if she was drinking, I never fed her.
Speaker 2
And that, and that so makes sense and really quick for our listeners that are not watching on the youtube channel because this is on youtube. So that way everyone can see we come in different shapes and sizes and we, it also does go to all of the podcast platforms. But I'm seriously like melting over here just the way you're talking about her and the way Kerri lit up when we were doing our intro call, when when she was talking about you, I just, I just wanted to take that pause really
quick because I'm like, it's like even better with the two of you together. Oh my gosh. I'm also just like a, I'm, I'm like a sucker for love stories. So I appreciate you guys also letting me ask questions there. But Kerri, what was it like for you? Because this is a bit opposite. You were hiding your alcoholism from him. And how do you do that? I, I don't have that background. Like that's not something I've ever done.
Speaker 2, Speaker 3
So I don't even know how to, what that would look like to see signs and people we love, you know, what happened was that it was impossible to hide from him.
Speaker 3
when we had gone on the first couple of dates and I really, I really liked him. I just knew he was just such a good guy But you know what? He was so good that there must have been something wrong with him and I just kept pushing him away. And so I actually called him up. Of course, you know, I was drunk the whole time, the year, the year before we met and, and part of the year that, we really, became a couple was my worst year during my 27 years of alcoholism.
So, you know, I was always drunk and I phoned him up and told him that I had moved a whole province away. I can't see you anymore. I moved to Alberta and, and he, you know, we said that we would talk on the phone still and be friends. I told him I wasn't ready for any type of commitment and I needed to go home to be with my family when really, I was still in the same town we were in, but I was terrified of him because I was not, I, I had never been treated kindly by any man that I was ever with.
I realized now, you know, I thought that I had been, there was one relationship where it wasn't that he wasn't, not kind to me, but we just didn't love each other. So, it wasn't, I had no idea what to expect from this. So when we were kind of forced, together, after about three months, I actually did move to Alberta and I phoned him and told him I am gonna, I'm gonna go to Alberta and he said, what, you're not there because, I'm getting ready to go to Edmonton to find you.
And which I thought, oh, no, he's a stalker. But I, I went to Alberta and after being there for a couple of months phoned him up and said, could we have a long distance relationship? I could really use your friendship in my life. And, I'm, I'm not really, I don't want to be without you, but I'm just not ready to be in a really serious relationship.
And he said, absolutely. And by the way, that means I have to come see you. So he hopped on a greyhound and had the 13 hour bus ride to Edmonton. And, he was supposed to be there for four days and ended up staying for 10. And, that was, that was it, we were pretty much inseparable after that. So a month later, I think, a month later my brother who had a, a business offered him a job and honestly, he was supposed to stay at my brother's house.
I told my brother if you want to offer Peter a job, that's ok. But he's not moving in with me. I need at least one year on my own. I need to. And that was because I was an alcoholic and I didn't want Peter to know I didn't want to have to, I didn't want to not be able to drink every night, you know, and I didn't want, I, it wasn't that I was afraid he would keep me from it, but I was afraid he'd see who I really was. And so he got to Alberta, we picked him up at the airport, went to my brother's house and
my brother's wife said, what is he doing here? I never approved this. He can't live here. So we moved in together and, then Peter really got to know the real me and truth be known. It's really hard to keep my emotions here because I'm not proud of what Peter saw in me. But, yeah, it was the hardest year, but Peter made it the easiest year, you know, in that.
Speaker 2
that's truly amazing because before we, we go into now that you two have moved in, I'd really like to hear a bit more of what did life look like be before we got to this point, you have 27 years of alcoholism and that's a shit like I know that I, I feel like I'm like, I, I wanna ask questions but I don't wanna ask questions because it, it brings up so many emotions when, as you just said, because it was such a dark time.
It was, it's, it was, you don't necessarily wanna show someone that side of you and, just in my own life, with Tyler, I actually broke up with Tyler, for three months before we got back together and he's my human. He's not going anywhere. He has to see that nitty gritty. I'm going through therapy and canceling my episode recordings with you guys because something came up in therapy that I had to work through and that
wasn't a fun night, but I really appreciate your patience. But what, what led up to all of this and that being your darkest year. What, how did you, how'd your beginning start?
Speaker 3
Oh, my goodness. Well, you know, it, it actually, it actually really started to spiral out of control when, you know, I left my second husband. and I stopped pretending that I was ok. I started partying and going out with my friends. I was not a good mother to my Children. alcohol came first always and, I just let the alcohol take over and I ended up in a relationship with a man who wasn't good for me.
He he didn't want to be settled down with a woman and two Children. He wanted, to have a lifestyle and a woman to make his meals and clean house. And, what I really loved about the relationship with him was that I could drink anytime I wanted and I was never ridiculed because we were, we were on that ride together and, things got really bad because that's when I lost control of my drinking.
And, he, he had a pretty bad drug problem. And, I had gotten to the point where I said, if you don't quit doing drugs, we can't be together. And he had, he, he had tried to quit and, had a bad night where he really wanted to go and get some, you know, cocaine and I said, no, you couldn't have my debit card and he, attacked me physically that night. So that ended that relationship.
Thank goodness because it was, you can tell just from the conversation that it was a really volatile place in my life. and with him. So that ended that relationship and that sent me spiraling. just before that relationship ended, social services took my teenage daughter away. my older, her older sister had left a year and a half before due to my drinking.
I was kinda, my family was at a place where they were not speaking to me anymore. they, my sister had not, physi. She had not spoken to me and said, if you don't quit drinking, drinking, I want nothing to do with you. But she might as well have because it was obvious, you know. So I woke up, I woke up on a couch on a, native reserve on somebody's couch, drunk still and thought, what am I doing here?
What, where am I? I had sold my car to party. I had no clothing. like I had a, like a garbage bag full of like rags. Basically. I had nothing, no family, no, nothing. and that was the day that I realized I needed, I really did need to go home. Right. I needed to, find somewhere to exist and maybe try to pick up the pieces in my life. So it's really strange.
I had a friend that, you know, from BC to Alberta is from where I was in BC to my hometown. It was about 1300 kilometers. And, my best friend, cousin happened to be, in the area. I was at visiting his family and I saw that he was there by Facebook and I just messaged him and said I'm in trouble. I need to get back to Alberta. Can you take me home? And he did, he came and picked me up at five o'clock in the morning the very next morning.
And, I got in and went home, I spent some time with family friends. I like, I kinda couch hopped up until Peter came and then we got a place together. So I really literally was homeless and really looking back, I cannot believe, where I ended up. And I'm actually very, very fortunate because, that rock bottom for me is really a pretty nice soft landing compared to what can happen to some people.
I'm lucky that, you know, over the years I never got hooked on drugs. I managed to keep my drug of choice, alcohol. and so alcohol will kill you, but it takes its time and hopefully you can wake up and get sober before it's time. So yes. to think about that.
Speaker 2
I, I feel that is a miracle but I've survived and, and thank you for that and it, it truly is because I, I know in, in my own times of my journey that there is times where I didn't know where I was or why I was there and I also didn't know how to go to anyone for support. I, I personally didn't have anyone to, to go home to or let me say it this way. I didn't think I did. There, there is a big difference. I had people that would have taken care of me. I just didn't think that they would.
Speaker 2, Speaker 3
And Peter I, at this point, I know you guys have been married for how long at what point today?
Speaker 2
Yeah, bye bye now. Bye today. How long have you guys been married?
Speaker 3
We're go, we're going on for years.
Speaker 2
Ok. Ok. So, so by now you definitely have, have heard these stories and you hear of Kri going on these podcasts and sharing her stories and we will get to the business. I promise. I'm excited about that one. But how, how do you handle hearing her going through this? And also when she decided to stop drinking, like how, how has this all affected you and being, instead of just being the person going through this, you're the person supporting them?
Speaker 4
And that, that, that's my role. That's all there is. That's, that's it. And, and I've told people that too. when Carry started good treatment, I took her, I took her there and I dropped her off and we had certain times we could visit, I believe we had an hour on Wednesday nights, an hour on Monday nights and we had, I believe between it was like an eight hour timetable on a Saturday that we could come.
So I did, I showed up every time. And so she would have meetings while we, while I was there bid bidding and I was like, they're like, yeah, you, you know, she's gonna go to an a a meeting so you can go to a an sorry an Alon meeting, right? For supporters. And I'm like, Well, why would I do that? I wanna go with you. I wanna be there with you. Right. So, we did, we started going to a, a meetings together.
We've been to, we've actually been to a few of them. We haven't recently because I don't know, I don't know if she, I don't know, I'll go when she wants to go. She needs to go logo. It's, it's as simple as that. Right. It's not a matter of we should go or we shouldn't go if, if she needs to go logo, that's just it. So, you know, like in, in the, the normal routine is you go around the room and you explain who you are.
So my thing was always, you know, my name is Peter. I'm not an alcoholic but my wife is, and that's why I'm here because I need to understand this. I need to understand what she goes through, you know, or what anybody goes through and being there really helped. there was a young couple at one of the meetings that they were doing and the gentleman's wife and like, I mean, like she looked like she was, I think she was twe early twenties and whatnot.
And the whole time she kept belittling him, it's your fault. It's you, it's you, it's you and I don't have to do this and I don't have to do that and I stopped right dead and I said, you know what that's not how it works. I've never had a drinking problem. I wasn't much of a drinker. I didn't care for the bar scene. I'd rather sit at home and play video games. That was me. so I said, you know, you're in it with them and, you know, like when she was drinking she'd be like, come on drink with me.
I'm not interested. I don't like that. She hated it, you know, because now there's no party. Right? So, but that, that's just it. that's why I'm here and, and, you know, that's why I chose to be here if she wants help. I, you're, you're darn, you're darn skippy. I'm gonna help her. Right?
Speaker 2, Speaker 4
Like, that's just how it is, how, that's hard for, yeah, that's hard for so many people being that support.
Speaker 2
And I know for, myself and a lot of people we always just want to fix. There's a, and, and the fix is through, like, good intent. It's not like we, we do it out of, maliciously. But how, how did that come naturally for you just wanting to support her or?
Speaker 4
I think so. I, it's always been, it's always been my thing, you know, I've always been the type of person that if you need something and you're kind to me, I'll give you 100 and 10% of me if you do me wrong, it's done it. I'm, I'm square straight up just like that, that's how it is. because I, I, I've been very, you know, I was the type of kid that I was alone growing up.
I was, you know, I was a type of kid that always got picked on. I was the smallest kid in school all the time. And then one day I grew up and I said, never again, I, I'm not, I'm not a weak person, I'm gonna be the superhero. I'm gonna be the one that people want to be around and, and, and stuff and it took me into my thirties before I realized who I was. Right.
So II, I went in my twenties and stuff like that. I used to ask my friends, I'm like, why do you hang out with me? Why? You know, I look at myself in the mirror. So like I said to the wife just the other day, you know, II I shaved for November and I said to her, I said, oh my goodness. I can't believe how much I look like Bart Simpson now, you know, cause that's exactly, I looked, I sha I looked, oh my goodness.
I'm Bart Simpson. That's how it turned. That's what I saw and that's how I was portrayed myself even as a, as a kid, you know, I was a kid with the biggest glasses and I was the nerdiest looking kid. I did what I realize now is I wasn't alone.
Speaker 2
School. Was that fy, I, you're definitely not the one with the biggest glasses. I just don't wear my glasses because of the, the ring light because I need lighting when I record. So I just don't wear them. But like these are what I wear, not at the computer. So I might have you beat on the big glasses but that, that's, I do it on purpose. I love my big glasses but I, I love that you, you can see that in yourself and you're being that super hu human, human in general.
That, that a question though because I, this is a topic that we've, I've talked to a lot of men in mental health and just in general for, I'll say the caregivers, the, the ones that provide the ones that are those heroes, is it the type of thing that have you set those boundaries with others and learned how to take care of yourself? So your heroism doesn't burn out.
Speaker 4
I just don't think it does. Ok. like today, I, you know, I, I do work for people and I, again I go to work and I put in 100 and 10%. I felt, one thing I had to cut back on was my, was playing sports because I'm not 24 years old anymore and I've torn things in the back of the legs and I've been, oh, no, I can't do that anymore. Right. But this is a mental thing. and to me, putting up physical power to do stuff is a lot harder for me than mental, mental power.
Yeah. And, and I don't know why, I don't stress about things. a lot of things just don't bother me. You know, they just don't, and I have no idea why. Maybe because I choose that. I know what stress can do to a person and I just choose not to have it and I can't control something that I just can't control something.
Speaker 3
Peter and I talk about a lot is how different our families are. The both of us had a father who was a mechanic and we both adored our father's. My father died in his at 41 of cirrhosis of the liver because he was an alcoholic. And Peter's father died from diabetes at 45 at 45. So we both lost our fathers young. But we ha he had, he always says to me, I don't understand your childhood because I was raised in such a loving caring home. He never saw his parents fight, he never witnessed the
things that I witnessed or suffered, the tragedies that I've suffered and my siblings. And so we are always really struck by that. And we both feel I think that we were sent here to be together. We were sent here to save each other and are extremely opposite. Lifestyles are the reason that we can keep each other going. You know, because, I mean, in this world until you find your human, you alone. Right.
Speaker 2
And, and it's interesting that you say that because I know this may be a controversial topic to some where they say you are complete even without your other half or because you're always a whole with, you're not just a half and, and I agree with that in the fact that, for myself, I wouldn't have been able to get back together with Tyler if I didn't break up with him to realize for myself that I can be loved.
Like I wasn't ready. I didn't think I was worth it. Like I couldn't understand why he treated me so well. And Kerri, you and I talked about that a bit in our intro call that there's, there's something else that really sticks out to me, especially because you talk about, like doing different jobs and things like that and being so, I could say opposites, maybe I agree. I always, tell, like I heard this phrase on, the show Dexter and I kind of changed it a bit, but it's, I say, Tyler is my,
is my, the Zanny to my red bull. Like, he's so chill and, you know, just really calm and I'm like, all over the place and high energy and he's my support in the world. He's my hero and I love the way you talk about Peter because it really does remind me of how, who Tyler is in my life. Yeah. as you talk about that your lives were so different for our audience. Can you go into a bit and share what your life growing up was? Like, Kerri,
Speaker 3
devastating, absolutely devastating. you know, my mother, I remember her being the perfect mother until I was about five years old and when my mother changed, she changed so drastically that it has always had an impact on me. I have a lot of confusion about the change in my mother. Now, I know my mother is a survivor of a lot of, trauma in her life.
Her father was in the war and suffered from, what we now call post PTSD. And there are some atrocities I haven't been able to ever, I'm just getting to know my mother's family now. So I won't say any of that because I don't know it to be true because I honestly don't know anything that my mother told me was true. My mother and father broke up when I was 556 years old and my father took all four of us until my mother, kidnapped my sister from school one day and took her to, Ontario, which was
another, you know, very traumatic thing for all of us. Then she came back. I just remember waking up in the night and my mother was there and I heard my dad say she had come back to take me and my dad said, if you're taking one, you're taking all, you're not splitting these kids up. So we all ended up moving with my mother for a time. That didn't go well.
Well, and we ended up back with that living with my dad was amazing. He loved being a father, he loved his Children. He always strived to be the very best in spite of his alcoholism. And it was a glorious time for me until my mother took me back. And she fell in love with a pedophile. And, you know, she became a very abusive person, beating on me and my siblings for the tiniest of infractions, taking off for days at a time and leaving us with no food or money.
I remember one time we hadn't eaten four or five days, there's nothing in the house. So I think I was about 10 years old at that time and we went out and collected bottles on the side of the road and we got enough bottles to get a wonder sandwich, sandwich bread, wonder sandwich bread. The long one, the four of us sat at the table and split it up and that was the first food we had had in how many days.
And you know, it may have been two days, but in my mind, it was four or five as a child. You know, it all. And then she, all of a sudden there she is on our living room floor screaming in pain because her and her husband had rolled the car and, they had been drinking and driving and, they didn't want the police to know. So she came home, eventually she ended up in the hospital for a few days.
when finally they realized they couldn't hide this from the police anymore. But anyway, going through our life, you know, he assaulted me and, when I finally got to the point that I was to tell her about that, she accused me, honestly, I'm just gonna be truthful here. she told me I was a slut and to get the hell out of her house and she dropped, she kicked me out on the front porch.
It was winter. I remember it to be 20 below, maybe it was only 10 below. I was a little girl, no coat, no shoes. She called my father. He was 4.5 hours away and said, come and get this little select and he did, he got in his car and he came and got me. What I remember most is that my stepfather and my mother had brainwashed me into thinking that my father was a bad person and my father came to, visit one day, pulled up at the house.
I assume that my mother wasn't letting him see us. We hadn't seen him in a long time and he just showed up and everybody was, you know, angry and pissed off that he was there. And, my mother said, while he was standing there, do you want to talk to him? And I said, no, I don't want, I don't want anything to do with him. And she said, who is your daddy now?
And I said he is to my stepfather, I turned around and walked away from my father. And so when he showed up to pick me up off those steps, I felt like he had, he was my superhero. I didn't believe that it was that I was worth it for him to show up. And when he asked me what had happened, I was not ready to talk. So I said that I didn't want to talk about him.
And he said, OK, and I remember in it took me a couple of years to finally go to the police with what had happened. And I remember just lots of hugs and tenderness and caring from my father. And from that point on, I never went back to my mom, although she tormented me for the rest of for the rest of my alcoholic years. My mother tormented me and my siblings.
Of course, I'm not saying much about them because it's their story to tell. But she, she's really still to this day it's hard for me to understand her. she, she's, she must have a lot of pain. You know, I've gone through periods of my life where I thought maybe she's still with him because she is, he, he went to jail for four years and she moved to the town where the jail was so that they could have visits on the weekends together.
she's with him now. she denounces, the, the proven allegations, to this day, I've told myself that maybe she stays with him because, she's afraid to leave. Maybe he's said that he'd kill us. I mean, he, he spent a lot of time saying he'd kill us one time in my life. He actually did hold us at gunpoint hostage with the cops around like, you know, a standoff.
So he's capable of those things. And, so I imagined for a while that she was staying because he had said he'd kill us and maybe, maybe it is, maybe she is just a victim. But, that is the, driving force in the reasons that I was so self sabotaging was, her and him. and the trauma from my childhood. Wow, that's pretty harsh. I know. And I want, I don't think that people can understand what you can come back from if they don't understand what I've come back from.
Like, who am I to preach? Right. And that, so that's the first time I've said this, my story like in this type of platform. and I intend to for the rest of my life. Shout it out and you're right. I do think I'll write a book.
Speaker 2
I do hope you do. And go ahead.
Speaker 3
I just want, I just want chil child people who are victims of childhood trauma. And there are so many of us. I want everybody to know that there is a way to come back, but that does not have to be your story. Now in my life, I kind of treasure that story because I realized what I survived. And I realized honestly, you know, you hear it all the time, it was a bit of a cliche for some. But if I hadn't been through that, I wouldn't be where I am now. And I truly believe that.
So I do have a bit of thankfulness in my heart for that little girl that survived that type of situation. And I use that as my strength to be stronger all the time. I mean, there is nobody that can victimize or traumatize me now. And when I come against bullies as you do, no matter where you are in life or what you do, there are bullies and when I come across those bullies, I'm not afraid of them. I'll just use my wits to outsmart them lawyers.
Speaker 2
II, I can say that and thank you so much. For sharing your story. You're gonna mean to tear up. There's so many parts of your story that relates to that my story relates to yours and it's, it's definitely one of the hardest things to work through and share your own story. And it, it is people like you that just the energy you had and we'll get into when you talk about your business and the way you talked about Peter and you talk about those around you that there's just so much hope that it's
like you can't when, when I think of you, Kerri, I'm like, you know, Kerri has so much hope and good in the world that you can't take that away from her just because of what she's gone through. And that's the entire reason this podcast exists. And my goal is to not cry on the episode, but like you might see me looking up a lot right now. But I, and thank you for that and I, I'm gonna ask a few more questions before we move on. Just because I really do want it to paint a picture of where you've
been to where you're, you're at now because it's so incredible. You, you mentioned you were around the age of 10 when you know, you had, I'll call it the, the bread situation. And then it was after that, that your dad came to pick you up that night and at what point? Like, what, when, how old were you when your dad died? And also how old were you when, what happened to get you to start drinking?
Speaker 3
So, my dad died when I was 19. with the drinking, the honest God truth is as soon as I moved in with my dad, I would be sneaking his alcohol. you know, he kinda knew and my dad was quite a naive alcoholic where he thought he was such a nice man. Like he never had, angry bone in his body. So almost you couldn't even tell when he was drunk. I mean, after a few years I could tell when he was drunk, there were subtle, subtle changes, but he just was nice and he was just this normal even keel person.
many of his friends said, you know, like some were surprised that he was an alcoholic and others are just like you could just never Kim Kim. His name was Kim. Kim could drink 22 sixes and he'd still be walking and talking fine. You know. So, alcoholism, I knew I began to realize when I moved in with my dad, what an alcoholic was and that my dad was an alcoholic, but it didn't occur to me that it was a bad thing.
My mother and her, husband were drunks. They were mean drunks, right? But my dad was this nice alcoholic. So alcohol wasn't, a bad thing. for my dad it was a coping mechanism. my dad was absolutely in love with my mom and to the day he died, professed his love for her that if she had come back any day he would have taken her back. So I started, you know, taking drinks from my dad when I was 10.
by the time I was 12 I was drinking every weekend with my friends and sometimes on the weekdays if I could get away with it. And by the time I was 14, I couldn't live without drinking. I craved it. I had to have it. I would do whatever I had to do to find a way to, be able to drink. and my, you know, in my early years, it was binge drinking, it was weekend drinking.
and it was in the last five years that I drank every day if I could. And in my last year I was either drunk or sober or drunk or hungover. So I, I think it was in the last five years that I realized that alcohol was not a good thing that it didn't make you a better person. It didn't make you funnier, it didn't make you happier that, you know, I had a lot of problems with depression over the years.
And of course, everybody says alcohol is a depressant, but you don't understand that, you know, you don't understand that concept, especially when you're in the depths of it. I knew that I was worse off when I wasn't drinking. Then there was a s, a short stint there when my teenage daughter was taken away that I did try to quit on my own. I actually went on those pills.
Speaker 2, Speaker 3
The doctor gives you, to not drink and then I, very quickly figured out how many drinks I could actually have without having any problems and just for clarification, those are the ones that make you throw up if you drink.
Speaker 2
Right.
Speaker 3
Yeah, everybody can have an adverse reaction. You could, you know, they're very, it's very dangerous to drink on them. But, yeah, it's supposed to make you sick so that you won't want to drink. But I found a way to be able to drink it, a little at a time and I built up a resistance. I would get a rash and then I would tell people that I, you know, I'd get a rash from, from drinking while I was using those pills.
And then I would tell people that, I was having an outbreak, allergic reaction, whatever it was like it was, it's stupid looking back because I was really playing with, death at that point. And then I did actually get sober for three months and it was a glorious three months. I did that white knuckle all by myself. I was with the man that I had told you about.
that made it easy for me. During my kids were not there. I was up every morning out gardening and tending to my chickens and I was really, really happy except I had nothing. There was nobody. I mean, the one person in the world that was still in my life was in bed hungover. And the first thing he did when he got up was grab a beer. So those weren't good. Three months.
right? But it was an attempt and I'm still proud that I managed to make those three months, not as proud as I am of these six years. I'll tell you that and the fact that the diff the difference between then and now is that then I was trying to stay, stay sober and now I, I am sober and I, you couldn't, you could not convince me to take a drink.
Speaker 2
I love that. I, I like that differential of trying to stay sober and you saying that you are sober and, and that brings back, brings us back to a bit more current of because we had to go back in the past to get to where we are. Now, you two just moved in together and you're still an alcoholic and he's starting to find that out.
Speaker 2, Speaker 3
And I know you were doing dishes and if you could tell us a bit more about that story and where things progressed from there, that was the worst and the best day of my life, I think, I woke up in the morning, the night before we had gone to my, my stepmom's house who is really not my stepmom at all.
Speaker 3
She spent some time with my dad when I was a very young girl when my parents first broke up and I really liked her back then. I, like, I loved her. My mother hated that, but she ended up having my dad's son. So we kept in contact over the years because like my brother, she's my brother's mom and I call her my stepmom and we became close, when I moved back to Alberta to try and figure out my life and we had gone to her place one night, her and I really like to drink together.
and we went to her place and I don't know, we were talking about wedding plans and, I, I remember standing up from the table to go to the kitchen to get a drink. I blacked out and to this day I have no idea what I did but I know that I said something terrible. and, so I woke up in the morning and I just had this feeling of dread that anybody who's an alcoholic or was an alcoholic understands this feeling where you're like, you get up and you check your phone to see if you texted somebody you
shouldn't have, you know, you're checking to see who you might have called, you're trying to figure out what it was because you have this feeling of dread that you said or did something stupid last night. And, I called my stepmom and I think at that point she hadn't answered the phone. I called Peter at work and said, is everything ok. I'm trying to find out if there's a problem without actually acknowledging that there's probably a problem.
How are you doing? He's like no problem. Everything's great. I'll see you when I get home. And then my brother, her son messaged me and said, if you ever talk to my mother like that again, that will be the last time that I ever speak to you. You have no right to treat her that way. And I was just like, oh, I did something right. I messaged him back and said, what did I do?
And he said, if you don't know what you did, that's not my problem. So I spent the whole day trying to figure out how I was gonna make this better. Nobody would talk to me. Nobody was answering their phone. My uncle wasn't answering the phone. My brother wasn't answering the phone. I knew I'd done something terrible. So I was standing there doing dishes and I was thinking about Peter and thinking that, you know, at least I still have Peter.
If everybody else is mad at me, at least I still have Peter. He was nice to me what I called him and I thought, oh no, what if Peter says to me you have to get sober or else I'm going to leave you. And then I realized there was no way I wanted that to be our story. I didn't want when people asked what kept us together or, or what was, you know, magical about our relationship.
I didn't want to say Peter said that I had to be sober or he was leaving. So I got sober. I never wanted that to be our story. So I immediately in that moment, called the Crisis Line and asked for help and then things went really fast from there. They got me an appointment with an addictions counselor. Like two days later, she got me into rehab. It just went and went and went.
But a key factor is that in those few days after seeing the counselor and waiting to go to rehab, my baby brother stopped by the house, he was there on it. He was on his way to church and I said, can I go with you to church? And he said, of course, but he was shocked and I went there and they played or they sang this hymn and in the hymn it kept talking about being worthy. And that just got to me, like crushed me, crumbled me. I went to the bathroom and crying. I was just like all of a sudden, I
realized what my problem was. My problem was was that I didn't find myself worthy. And from that moment was when I realized that I needed to start to love myself and that now it all sort of snowballs because I've got all these things happening all around me and they are all pushing me to sobriety. Thank goodness. But the, you know, it wasn't the fear of losing Peter that got me sober. It was the fear of tarnishing what we have. You know, I wanted, I wanted us to have a love story.
Speaker 2
I love your love story and we're just still at the beginning.
Speaker 2, Speaker 3
I, yes, I know we still have so much.
Speaker 2
And you called the A like support line and Peter, where are you during all of this? Like what is this looking like for you? Yes, you said that you'll go to a a with her and you'll be there for her, but that's gonna be a shocker.
Speaker 4
You know, I don't think that anything really shocks me. You know, I think not knowing is, can be, is about the extent of it, but anything is possible. you know, I've always said, I've said, said for a long time, I said the only thing stopping me is the word.
Speaker 4, Speaker 3
Can't I have a question?
Speaker 3
Do you remember that day? What day, the day that I called the crisis line?
Speaker 4
Yeah, you told me you were going to, from what I can recall. it, to me it was just, she called, somebody had a conversation, then when she told me that she's, you know, but as it started progressing and she's gonna go to treatment, I'm like, ok. Yeah, it, it, it's pretty simple to me. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? If she wants it, she can have it and, and that's just it, you know, and I've always said, so I'll back your play, whatever your play is, I'm gonna back you.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 4, Speaker 3
And he does, you know, and, and that's just it.
Speaker 4
I said because I trust her judgment, she's, she's a better judge of everything that I am, you know, like, you know, she may say that, you know, I, you know, I, I've done this for her, what she's done for me in my life and where she's put me, I, it's, it's amazing, you know, she, I, people will be like, you know, I'll be like, I'll be like, yeah, I'm like superman but my wife is a kryptonite, you know, and, and that's it.
She honestly, she's like the only person in this world I'm afraid of because if I do anything wrong by her that's gonna affect me, right? You know what I mean? So, yeah, all I, all I want, if, if, if my wife is proud of me, I'm doing my job, you know, and, you know, happy wife, happy life and it's, it's true. You know, and that's all I want. I just want my wife to be happy if she's happy that I'm doing my job pretty.
Speaker 3
And I get a man that knows that the way that he's gonna be happy is if I'm happy, that's a pretty, pretty awesome thing to find.
Speaker 2
Yes. And I can just hear how she talks about you too and wanting you to find happiness in yourself too and being, and at least that's what I hear, especially with her wanting to get sober by herself is wanting to find happiness in herself and you finding happiness in yourself. So you two are happy together.
Speaker 4
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, you know, the to, we're one in one but this one in one makes three. You, right. It's, it's, it's unbeatable. You know, I haven't, you know, other than, you know, they, they, there's like the, you know, power couples and stuff like that, but we do everything together as one no matter what.
Speaker 2
You're a team.
Speaker 3
Not that it was always easy when we first started our business.
Speaker 2, Speaker 3
I fired Peter quite a few times and that is a perfect, perfect. We have our problems too, but we understand at the end of the day that it's, it's the two of us and, and that is a perfect segue.
Speaker 2
I said that's a perfect segue of you're starting to go to treatment and you just mentioned starting a business together. So how do we go A to B.
Speaker 3
Well, we gave it, it was probably about a year when, when I came out of treatment. the first year was a struggle. It was really, really tough, you know, we were doing better cause how could you not be? I suddenly wasn't spending $100 a night on alcohol and smokes and all of this stuff. I was really famous for giving away my money when I was drinking or you know, paying for other people's needs.
So, we are saving money that way. And we Peter, we went home for Christmas and home being back to BC. So to Peter's home and he, he had a daughter, she was seven at the time. She lived in Abbotsford. It was, we fly out 34 times a year to see her, but he just realized he needed to be closer to his daughter. So he told me that he wanted to move back and I said, ok, let's do it.
So we moved back to BC and to Abbotsford, which was where all of my adulthood trauma comes from, right? Like when I was drinking as an adult and raising my kids in a very in a way I'm not proud of. So, but I was white knuckling it because I wanted Peter to be near his daughter. And I really, I didn't see that I was gonna fail at sobriety but being sober is not about just not drinking.
It's about being happy and healthy and, and emotionally strong and I was not emotionally strong there. I was just, I was getting by day by day and I just didn't feel like it was where I would have a happy existence where I would have a, a comfortable existence. And, so the stepmother had moved to this beautiful little town in the Okanogan called Kamas and she kept bugging us to come and visit her.
It's so funny because we just had an old beater of a car that we were so afraid to take out of town because it would just probably fall apart and on the side of the road. So that was the first time the first vehicle. Did you buy it or did I?
Speaker 4
Yeah, I did. So I, I've been looking at cars and of course, you know, credit, no credit, you can have whatever you want. So I ended up calling the company and I said to her, I said, this company called me and I don't know if I should tell you, but I'm looking at buying a car and they called me and there's, they've approved me. So, what do you think? And she's like, well, ok, we need a car if we're gonna do this trip because we're not doing it.
No, $500 meter, right? It's a three hour drive both ways through the mountains. So you you either make it or you don't. So we ended up getting this car and we were did, we did, we did six weekends straight where we had finished work Friday afternoon, go home, everything was packed. We get in the car and we drive to cars. We spend the weekend, we go home Sunday night and go to work Monday.
Speaker 4, Speaker 3
And we did that for six weeks in a row and we loved it.
Speaker 3
We just wanted to be there. We just loved Kia.
Speaker 4, Speaker 3
So I started looking for a job there and can't miss the story.
Speaker 4
So we're on our way home the six, the six weekend. And I looked at her and I said, you know, this is a pretty nice drive, isn't it? She's like, yeah, I said, I'm getting pretty used to it. I go, what do you think if we just move here instead? We hate Abbotsford. We don't want to be there. You know, it's, it's gross.
All it does is rain here. Here. It rains. I think four or five times a year, maybe, maybe, maybe two weeks out of the year it rains. so let's move here. So when we got home I went to work Monday, I gave my notice that, that I was leaving. She started looking for a job. Three weeks later we moved to the ok nugget.
Speaker 2
Oh, wow.
Speaker 4
See Alberta BC. And we did that and I think three weeks.
Speaker 3
We are the type of people who see opportunity and go for it. We don't wonder or hesitate. we understand that the only direction is forward. So, I just started, I said, ok, well, I'll see if I can get a job. Well, I got 22 jobs. And so we had a friend who had a camper for a camper to lend us because we couldn't get into a home until, six weeks after we wanted to be there to start work.
So we stayed in this, our friend's camper for six weeks. And, boy, we had no idea what we had no idea what was gonna happen to us. We just thought we were just going to a nicer geographical location. The, thing about Kamas was that, the opportunities for Peter and I being young enough, it's kind of a retirement town. we're young enough. We are go getters.
We, we, we work, that's what we do. We understand. Well, I don't even know if it's understanding. We know that we'll go crazy if we're not working. It's how we were raised. So we work hard and we are loyal people. The one thing that we found out was people just in Kamas and in the Okanogan generally are so excited if, if you show up. So we started this business.
It started as we were just doing favors for the neighbors and for our friends. And you know, the next thing we know, they said you should be, you should make this into a business. And, the realtors in town started to find out about what we were doing and asking if they could refer us to their friends. And within, six months of that, I suddenly had to make the decision.
Would I quit my full time? Beautiful four on four off scheduled job to, go for my business. And, actually it was a family tragedy that helped me make that decision in that. my nephew's daughter had, passed away at 63 days old and we, I needed to be with my sister. And for one day of work, my, my work told me I could not go to be with my family because this wasn't considered immediate family. And that if I did go, that I would be penalized and of course I went and told them, you know, to kiss my
ass. And and that's when I realized that I never wanted to be a number. I didn't want anybody to tell me that my family was important enough to take a day off work. I wanted a better life for me and my family. So, that was right about the time when I was really not sure if I should go for my business or not, that made the decision. And so I went for my business. I hired my first employee and life went crazy after that.
Speaker 4
We, we, we both just got tired of working for people that give you empty promises. You know, we're the greatest company in the world. You'll have everything you ever wanted. You know, you get your raises every three months. Well, I worked for companies for 10 years and got two raises, you know, and I gave them everything I had, you know, and it didn't matter.
I, we had, they fired, there was one day they fired the guy that was doing the afternoon shift. He was the head of the afternoon shift. They fired him because, he's making derogatory comments to an employee. So I fired him on the spot. I went to do my shift the next morning and they tell me that they fired him the night before. So I said, oh, so I guess I need to go to afternoons and so to pick up the slack because they had enough people during the day, but nobody wants to work afternoons. So I
took it right. Didn't mean anything, there wasn't more money. It just meant that I was doing something to help with the company and it just went to the wayside like everything else. And we swore if we do this, we're not doing it that way. You have to, you know, if you, you got to treat your employees with respect, you gotta, you gotta have things that go for it and everything that she's poured into it has made it that way. You know, like all these people that work for us are like our kids.
Speaker 2
And I felt like, I feel like our audience might be at a disadvantage at this point. They don't know what your business is because they didn't hear the part before the podcast started, you know, Roland of how I'm horrible. Absolutely the worst at cleaning. So, please tell us about your business. You, I don't know.
Speaker 3
So our business, actually really started out as a small renovation and cleaning business. So the idea was that Peter would do small renovations. He was a drywall or by trade, but he would help out with small renovations and I would come in after and clean and we thought this would be like the perfect, husband wife business easy. We could work together, we would know each other's schedule.
no worry about it when the contractor is gonna be done because I'd be there to crack the whip. And, that's not what happened. what happened was that the cleaning side of the business took off, like, just, just took off. We just, I was getting so many calls. I didn't know what to do. because I think, you know, I always thought it was maybe an Okanogan thing, but I think it's actually, the entire, country thing that the idea of, having a cleaning company has changed so much that these
days what people end up with. It's like a maid service type thing where people just run in and quickly dust, vacuum and leave. But my service, is a deep down cleaning service where we're cleaning the corners and edges, we're doing deep cleaning and there's a need for that because that skill has been lost in, the gen my generation, the generation, behind me, this is like the clicks, the claps.
Speaker 2
The, I'm the worst at it. My, my best friend, I have, I have a few of them, two of them, I call my sisters. she is, does the, house cleaning for the hospitals. So she really understands that deep cleaning. And, that is why I'm like, cheering over here because it is a lost skill that she has.
And I know like I've seen the difference, like she comes to visit me now and she's like, Jen, I'm cleaning your bathroom and I'm like, why it's fine and she'll be like, because it needs to be cleaned and that's what I do. She's like, that's who I am.
Speaker 2, Speaker 3
I'm like, ok, I understand her completely.
Speaker 3
And, you can let her know that if she ever wants to get into her business for herself, I can help her because it sounds like she's got the skills that are needed and I'll tell you you can be very successful.
Speaker 2
I, I will let her know I will definitely because she'll be listening to this episode. So I will let her know. But that is a lost skill. How, how do you hire people with that? And do you end up teaching them the skills?
Speaker 3
It's so interesting. I was just talking about this today. It is funny in my first year of, business when I was first hiring employees. The thing that shocked me the most was that people don't just know how to do it. I'd hire people who said, oh, yeah. You know, I'm O CD. I love to clean and I'd get them to work with me. I'd be training them and they really, they, they really do not understand, they don't know how to look for the hidden dirt or, or, you know, be diligent enough to not leave
anything behind. That is a skill that has to be taught. And I teach it to every single employee even I have employees that come to me with years of experience. And, I have to completely retrain them because, sometimes they come from, with years of experience from places that don't, value deep cleaning. So places that are pushing them to go faster, faster, faster, rather than make sure that it's done right.
And so I have to teach them to slow down and then I have to teach them to be in the moment and worry this job and worry about this room like micro manage it so that they can learn to slow down and do a wonderful job. And the training, the training that we provide our employees is really tiring, like really in depth and really tiring. But the result is really amazing.
These amazing cleaners, I love the way that our communities and I say communities because we're in five or six different communities. Now, I love the way that they see us and how they see my employees, You know, that I have employees who have different struggles in life or I have young and old and I have mentally mental mental, I hate to say disability, mental ability.
They have emotional issues. We actually have in the past we still have them on staff but women leaving abusive relationships who need to kinda, this is the perfect job because they can hide in the job. Our oldest employee is 73 our youngest is 18 and all of these people who I would say probably are expected to not be achievers r blossoming and amazing in their lives taking control of their lives and understanding that they can be so much more than whatever it is that they trauma from
childhood has taught them is all they are. And this is what I'm most proud of. What I'm most proud of is being able to empower people to go after their dreams. So it's funny we, we actually have one of our employees now who she's been with me the longest. I consider her family. she has just come to me and told me that she wants to, take a draw dog grooming course and, change her shop into a, a doggy spot and of course she should because she's amazing with animals.
That's her, that's her passion, like, and she was afraid to talk to me because she was afraid I'd be upset. And to tell you the truth for a few days, I went into a bit of a depression because I realized that she was moving on. And now we don't expect anybody to want to clean for the rest of their life. We know that we are a stopping place that we are a place for people to stop and gather who they are and then rebound from.
But today I talked to her, she's, she's today she got we have a bonus program and she got the entire full bonus she earned and she was so excited. She's clapping. Well, I have been I sold her car on payments and she paid off her car today with her bonus and she's so excited and happy about that. That's such a great interview. And then I said to her, tell me about what happening with this doggie spa thing.
She said she's officially enrolled in school and I said, you know, I bet you Peter would love to come and help you change, change your shed into a, into a doggie spa and she got so excited. She said, I really hoped he would be able to help me. I just, it would mean so much to me if Peter helped me do that. And you could just see this relief in her because I think we were both feeling a little down about the fact that she's obviously moving on.
But the relief in her when she realized that we'll support her no matter what, that's how we are with all of our employees. One of the first things we ask them is what are your, what are your goals in life? And how can I help you get there?
Speaker 2
And that's amazing just hearing how, how going from it, it just both of you, like you both went through loss and yes, you had different upbringings but hearing about yours, Kerri and, and going from you know, the abuse and the not knowing where your next meal is coming from, the the aloneness and, and also the coping of alcohol and the abuse in relationships and then growing into the relationship you have now and your business is, is growing and just seeing the two of you is like as
you talked about your employees blossoming, you two are blossoming together. And that, that is so powerful. And I bet is that why you wore like a flowery shirt? Like it's not quite flowery. It's like leaves kind of, but not a little flowery.
Speaker 3
Yeah, I was kind of giving myself, heck, when we got here that I forgot to change my shirt, I wanted to wear this hip kind of upbeat shirt because I did, staff, reviews all day bonus reviews today and, people are afraid when they come into those meetings and they shouldn't be because I love to give them bonuses. I love it. But I just thought, oh, this might make them like cheery. And then when I got home, I forgot to change my shirt.
Speaker 2, Speaker 3
So when I was looking at my shirt, I was like, oh man, trying to wear something a little less vibrant but no, I love it.
Speaker 2
I and this is a so I do still work full time and then I have my, my podcast that normal that go around my work schedule and I don't get ready for work because I have all Zoom meetings. I work from home like I can do a lot of it. But as soon as I have a podcast episode that I have to record, I'm like, oh, gotta go get ready. So it's 7:30 p.m. and I'm doing my hair and makeup and as soon as we get done, I'm gonna go take it all off.
And that's, that's a fun. Something about it though is, is learning really. And this is a lot of what I'm hearing about you and bringing it back to what you just started the art of surviving or, and survival and taking that to learn to blossom to what works best with you and being able to encourage others. Because I know just hearing your story carry like you seriously had me tearing up there like thanks, but no thanks Peter hearing how supportive you are it?
How do I say it? It, it makes me because I'm still gonna struggle with worthiness. You know, that's as, that's gonna be something I work on my entire life and hearing how you support Kerri Peter you, I believe in my own worth because I see how Tyler supports me through everything and does it so unconditionally and we've, we've gone from, you know, from
some of the beginning to where you guys are at now and before we end the episode, is there anything that you two wanted to touch base on that we didn't talk about? You go first?
Speaker 4
Well, yeah, like, you know, we, I don't know. you know, I, I was married for eight years before this. and I thought that I was done, you know, I had a, I had my daughter, about a year after I got married. but it was never right that he was never right. And then when she left, I was like, I, I was, I was devastated, didn't know what I was gonna do and you know, I was, I was working at, just working a little $14 an hour job and, you know, just doing, doing my daily stuff and not really a carer, you
know, not, not, not having anywhere to go or anywhere to be. And it just, it just felt right when I, when I met her, you know, like it, everything, like, say it, it, the conversation was the most amazing thing I've ever had in my life, where I could say something and she'd come back right after it, you know, and it was all through text. So you, you know, you could, you could read this stuff and you can go back and read it again.
You're just laughing and we're having a great time and I never had that before. You know, it, it was so easy and, you know, like I said, I just kept going back to, you know, after we had our first date, some boys that I worked with asked me how was it? And I said, you know, or how was she? I said, well, I said, take me and, and she's the girl version. I said, that's exactly what I got out of it and that's how we are, you know, everything is so easy, you know.
do you wanna go home for dinner? Yeah, sure. We're, doesn't really matter as long as we're together. It doesn't matter what we do where we go or anything as long as we get to do it together. Yeah, I had to go and do a job and I was away overnight and I hate it. I didn't sleep. I don't like that.
Speaker 4, Speaker 3
I wanna be home with my wife every day.
Speaker 3
We're pretty savvy. We, we don't understand people who can, work apart or live apart. You know, there was, there were those times in, in the beginning of working together that were pretty tough when we had to get used to the differences between the male and the female brain and how men see things differently than women do. Trying to figure out like trying to decode what we meant when we were talking about business.
Like that was quite the thing. And I don't think we're not really good at it. Now. It's just, we actually got to a point where we had a conversation and I said we need to decide who's boss in our business. And if it's me, which it needed to be me because honestly, I'm, I'm actually better at it than he is.
Speaker 4
I, I'm the worker, I'm just the worker. That's what I am. That's what I, that's what, that's what.
Speaker 3
So, so I said, we need to decide who's boss and if that's me, then you need to let me be boss. And so then things started to work out in business once we, we realized that we had to claim our roles and that made it a lot easier for us, but that's not what I wanna leave here. I really want to leave here is I just want, I want anybody who suffered, in their life to understand that there is a way through it and that there's somebody out there who's going to help you get there.
my biggest thing was that I was pushing Peter away because I knew he was the key somewhere deep inside. I knew he was the key to me surviving being an alcoholic. I didn't know it at the time. I know it now, but I know that I was called my alcoholism, the monster. And the monster does not want me to be happy. It doesn't want me to have a fulfilled life.
It doesn't want me to be loved, it wants to control me. And that monster knew that Peter was not going to be its friend. And so I ran from Peter. I lied to Peter, pushed him away until like the universe put him in my face and said this, this is happening like it or not. Here he is. that if people could understand that when you are at the depth of your despair, when things seem so bleak, look around you and figure out who it is that your alcoholism or your addiction or your fear hates the most.
And that's probably the person who's gonna help you and then go with it, just go with it and know that you can survive this and then you can start to live the amount of living that I've done in the last six years. As compared to the, the 27 years, I was an alcoholic. Unbelievable, unbelievable. The living that I'm doing, I'm traveling, I've got a successful business. I've got, my kids are back, my grandchildren are back. My grand, my kids are back.
Speaker 4
II, I didn't have a relationship with either of my boys for years. You know, I, once I had my daughter, my, my boys are in their late twenties and thirties now and my daughter being just 14, I figured it out, you know, so I made sure that that wasn't gonna happen with her. Of course, now it's happening now that she's gonna be 14, but that's when I start. But it, it, it, it's amazing, you know, like they look to us now for that guidance, all of them.
Speaker 3
So when it's darkest, you know, I guess there's that saying it's always darkest before the light. I think that's really, really true. And it's important to know it to just, just keep moving forward and reach out. And then, you know, on the other hand, when you finally do get through it, help as many people as you can.
That is my mission in life to help as many people as I can. I wanna empower people to find some form of happiness regardless of the way they were treated in their, in their life.
Speaker 2
I love that. And thank you. And you basically already answered the next question, which is any words of encouragement for the audience. So just to make sure we don't skip over that anything you wanted to add there.
Speaker 3
I think that I've said that it's just, I guess I, I always say this, I don't know if I said it yet today, but I always say the sky is not the limit, just keep going. You know, there's, there's no limit to what you can succeed.
Speaker 2
That is somewhat slightly creepy. In the fact, I was listening to a Science versus episode which is a podcast on Spotify right before this, our recording. And it's talking about the guy that stayed in space for a year and now you're just saying that the sky is not the limit. You're right.
We got space, we got planets, we got other solar systems like whew bringing that all back around. Yeah. And there's so much more what art is, something that you both are grateful for like one from each of you, please. And if you want to do a third one, you can do a third one together.
Speaker 2, Speaker 4
Well, it, it, the easiest way is that we're grateful for each other.
Speaker 3
But that being aside, I think everybody knows that just from this interview, I don't know, I am really grateful to have my Children and my grandchildren in my life. I am eternally grateful. I still have days where I ho honestly don't feel that I really deserve it. Peter will always tell me of course you do. But, I, I hurt my Children. I wasn't, physically abusive or I don't believe that I was emotionally abusive, but I was an emotional drunk and my Children had to watch that.
They had to see me in those, those darkest spots in my life and I'm so grateful that they are trying to forgive me. I think they are, they say they've forgiven me, but I think that overcoming the trauma that your mother has put on, you takes a lot more than, a couple of years of sobriety. So I'm just so grateful that they've given me another chance.
Speaker 2
Any, anything else you want to add, Peter?
Speaker 4
It's, you know, and I think, to me it's just, it's just been so fun, you know, all of it because, when we first got together she did, she wasn't talking to her kids and, and I wasn't talking to my boys and, and it, it, it was, it was just the two of us really. And then, and my daughter, whenever, well, even that, when I moved over her, I didn't see my daughter for six months.
Her mom kept her from me. He's like you left, you don't get her, you, you left her behind, you know. So then we started processes, right. I started going to courts and, and getting my, getting my rights back and, and being like, hey, this is what the court says. So you better start doing it and she did, right. So it, I think I'm, I, like I said, I'm grateful for her because without her, I would not be where I am.
I would still be making $20 an hour. I'd be sitting at home playing video games 24 7 and that would be it. And I probably wouldn't have a relationship with my daughter that I do have or with my sons for that matter, or my grandkids or any of it. That's, that's, that's her, you know, he, because to me it was easy for me to turn my hands up and go. Ok. Fine. You're done. I'm done too. I don't care. I don't iii I said it a long time ago.
I said I don't need anybody to, to give me the justification of my life. I, I can do that on my own. That's easy. You know, I've lived with, do I lived with a dog for 10 years. I had nobody in my life for 10 years and I was cool with that. I can go live in the bush and build a cabin and live there by a freak and be happy. That's me. But this is way better, you know. So, so that's, that's, that's it. That's my, that's my great list.
Speaker 2
You know, I love it and, and thank you both for taking a chance on doing this episode and Peter for joining in on this crazy idea and doing the episode with Kerri and Kerri. Thank you for opening up and I know that it's so hard to share those deepest darkest, scary moments because they're hard to relive and they're hard to share and I, I appreciate that so much and I'm grateful for both of you and I look forward to keeping in touch and thank you both for joining so much.
Speaker 3
Thank you.
Speaker 4, Speaker 3
I really hope that people will understand that we need to talk about these things in order to heal and I think great, just one more thing, you know, for, for me being on this side of it, you know, because I, I do hear this stuff, you know, and I, I adore this woman and it's, I think it's hard, you know, I know that a lot of people don't want to express it to their significant other being.
Speaker 4
They don't want them to think that we're gonna think less of them or, or something in that regard. And I'll tell you rego that for a man. The biggest thing is the fact that I think that for us, if we are, that that person in their lives, is that we weren't there to help them when they needed it, you know. And so that's how I always feel. That's, that's always the emotion I get for myself, right? Is that man? I wish I was a helper then. You know, Jen.
Speaker 3
Thank you so much for having us. We've I'm sure that we're gonna be talking all night about this because it's opened up some new conversation for us. But we really appreciate you hearing our story.
Speaker 2
You are very welcome.
Speaker 1
We appreciate you listening to the episode. Please like follow and share on our social media at shit two. Talk about that is shit. The number two talk about stay tuned on Wednesdays and Fridays for new episodes. This episode was made possible by production manager, Tron Nan, business manager, Bill Powell and your host, Jen.
