S1 E43 Shit2TalkAbout Moving Abroad & Sex Tech with Monitrice Lashé
Transcript was AI generated, if there are mistakes, please let me know! Thank you in advance! Jenn Junod
Hello, beautiful human.
Jenn Junod
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Jenn Junod
Hey, mona, mona, mona manats money. Like I know you tried telling me how to do it. I am and y'all for our listeners, I do wanna call out. I am horrible, horrible, horrible at names and it's definitely not from lack of trying because people do correct me. I have a really hard time pronouncing and remembering how to pronounce because I never phonetically learned how to sound out words.
So at least that's my, like the reason I think it is so continue to correct me. Please do. Please introduce yourself. Thank you for joining shit. You don't want to talk about, please introduce yourself and what shit you want to talk about today?
Monitrice Lashé
Awesome. All right. So my name, let's start there. I go by money because everyone's butchered it all my life. But if you say money tree is really quick, that's how you say it. And if you're my mom who's watching, it's Moris Mo Mere. Yeah. Yeah. Like when I'm in trouble, she enunciates everything. So, but hey, hey, so today, wow, we're going to talk about my journey studying abroad, living abroad, working abroad and all the little things that came with it over these past six years.
Jenn Junod
Shit. And I think that's, that's definitely something so many I would say specifically those from the US don't really comprehend because in, in my opinion, the US kind of lives in a bubble of everybody else in the world, kind of knows what's going on in the US, but the US doesn't know what's going on in the rest of the world. Experience in another culture is how would you say it is experiencing another culture? Where did you study abroad?
Monitrice Lashé
Right. So I don't know if you could say culture, but coming to England was very interesting to say the least, like the I don't even know where to start with that. But basically coming here, open up my eyes, open up my world. It got me out of my shell. I came over here not knowing a soul, didn't come with any family or anything.
It's literally just me still to this day. It's just me. You know, my parents have come to visit. I've made friends here, wonderful, beautiful souls I've met. But but yeah, it was definitely a move that I needed to make to get out of my shell, get out of my comfort zone and I'm proud of myself.
Jenn Junod
It's, and I, I remember you telling me you're from Atlanta. So tell us how you ended up in England, right?
Monitrice Lashé
So I got a call at 3 a.m. from a childhood friend and he called me with an English accent and he's like, meet me at Waffle House. I'm like, it's 3 a.m. and I haven't heard from you in two years. Where have you been? He's like, trust me, just meet me. OK, cool. So I go there, we talk and he's like, look, I don't know what you're doing in life, but I know that you're not happy, go to school and I'm like, I don't want to go to school.
I went to a college prep, private Christian school and because of how people were and I just, school, higher education was never really my thing. I said, no, I'm gonna go to military and, you know, just get out of here and life just was different. So, so, yeah, we talked about it. He sat down with me, we worked through numbers together. He helped me with applications as well and I always questioned him.
I was like, why would I go all the way across the pond to the school? Like it doesn't make sense. He's like, no, trust me, it's gonna make sense now, six years later it makes a lot of sense. So so yeah, that's how everything started. I had to go back and take my ac T I had not been in school for five years at this point. So it was all difficult getting my passport for the first time having applied for a visa, all these costs and stuff.
And and I would say out of everything my dad, he was like super supportive. He was like, ok, like you're gonna do this, you're gonna be great and my mom didn't wanna hear it. She was just like, yeah, ok, sure, you know, I've always been the the child to stay like close to home. and you know, I was just kind of like always within driving distance so saying that I'm going all the way to another country was like no way.
Jenn Junod
Yeah. Ok. Ok. And now you mentioned your dad and how your mom just, they both came across so different and I re I remember your mom not really believing you that you're gonna go and I believe you said you got your visa and everything ready and she still didn't think you were going.
Monitrice Lashé
Yeah, she still think I was going. I was like mom, I need a ride to the airport because like I'm moving and then she started crying. So it was like very emotional at there at the end. I was actually late coming to school because I, at the time I couldn't pay for my plane ticket. So my best friend, he helped me out and I was able to get over there and, and I did understand that there's so many different things that come when you're doing like student loans in international schools, like you
don't see your money until like three months later. So highlight that. But, and I didn't know they, it's not something that they told me. So so yeah, it was kind of a struggle but yeah, she, she finally got with the program and they were really proud of me. They called me, they called every day. So it was, it ended up being a good thing in the end.
Jenn Junod
And you moved there six years ago? Oh, So if I can math, let's see. 2022.
Monitrice Lashé, Jenn Junod
So you moved there in 2016, 2015.
Monitrice Lashé
So it'll be six year. yeah, it'll be, no, it'll be seven years in October.
Jenn Junod
Nice. Nice. And is your childhood friends still out in, England?
Monitrice Lashé
No. So, when he called me, he was actually coming back because he had a job offer but he wasn't really fill it. So he came back and he, like, look, you should go over there. This is why it's gonna make sense. Yeah. So he's, he's back in the States now.
Jenn Junod
OK. And what did you go to school for?
Monitrice Lashé
So he ended, he ended up doing architecture. What about yourself? Oh, myself. OK. So I've got three degrees at this point.
Jenn Junod
Wait, what? For somebody not liking school?
Monitrice Lashé
Exactly. Exactly. Like I've always wanted to, I, I love learning. I grew up watching Modern Marvel. how it's made. I love that kind of stuff. It was really cool. And even like, as an adult, I had a job at Unilever. So I got to see these things. But I've always been interested in technology. Like that stems from my dad.
Like, he's taught me everything I know basically. And I've always had an interest there and knowing that technology is always evolving, I know that I wasn't gonna get bored. So my first degree is a Bachelor's of engineering and computer science. And your second masters of science and creative technology.
Jenn Junod
OK.
Monitrice Lashé, Jenn Junod
And third, a master's of science in robotics.
Jenn Junod
OK. And I know you and I talked about the tech a bit during our intro call because when we spoke, I believe I was still employed at an API company. And the very, very basic way of saying what an API is to our listeners. Is it how two programs talk to each other? And one thing that I love about API S is they're still about human connection because as a coder, you have to be able to make it so somebody else can read it and it works.
And then with API S, especially if it's public, they have to be able to be documented so somebody else can implement it with their software. So it's, it's very much human connection oriented even though it's completely tech and please like dive in, like in the tech world. Like, what do you do?
Monitrice Lashé
So I call myself creative technologist, What a creative technologist. So I know it sounds crazy and it's a term that's like recently been coined as well. So after I did my bachelor's, I knew very quickly, I did not want to get into security networking. None of that. It's just boring. It is not, I wanted to be creative. So all of my sort of creative modules I I stuck to and I, I worked really hard in them.
And one day I was sitting and just trying to figure out life like my head was everywhere. And I was like, I need to find something that has to do with technology that's creative, but also broad. And when I tell you, it had to be the universe because the next thing that came up on my computer screen was a creative technologist, masters. So when I read about it, I was like, this is what I wanna do and that's what I do now.
So being a creative technologist, I have learned how to do processes literally from start to finish. So from mind mapping to prototyping to coding programming to the finished product. And I've done some really cool work with like external clients as well.
Monitrice Lashé, Jenn Junod
Yeah, so that's what technology does and what do you do with the robotics now that you have its creative technology robotics, right?
Monitrice Lashé
So whether a box is actually completely different, I was not going to go back to school. You keep going back though. I, I keep going back. I mean, if I could do a past sheet, listen, if anybody's out there and there's a fully funded past sheet, I'll go for it. But right now I need a break. But no, so the robotics part came. Well, this is like COVID happened.
So I had to take a, a gap year again, trying to figure out my life. I don't know if I want to go back to school if I wanna go straight into work or what. And, yeah, I decided to go back. there was a, a woman of color, sort of like Instagram. They highlight a lot of women of color, like in sex tech and that's exactly what I want to get into next. and she sex tech.
Monitrice Lashé, Jenn Junod
So, like, anything that has to do with, like, devices or education, anything like that, like sex tech, like we're talking about Sexy time tech.
Monitrice Lashé
Yeah. Yeah. OK. I'm just, you know, everything around tech. Yeah.
Jenn Junod
Ok. I just had to clarify. So sexy time, sex time or sex tech. So I didn't even know that was the thing.
Monitrice Lashé
Yeah, it is. So yeah, just I got my inspiration from her and she created a device that's a wearable. So like in the LGBT community, you've got different devices even prosthetics as well. Some people they pack. These are just terms that I'm throwing out there. But this in particular for people that wear like can I talk about this? Yeah, go for it.
Jenn Junod
I'm serious. I'm like, OK, wait what?
Monitrice Lashé
Yeah. Yeah. So for people that wear shop ones during sexy time, the biggest problem that and I, I also have personally is putting on the harness like it is just so it's so long. But anyway, so she wanted to kind of like create something where you didn't have to worry about that. And that's exactly what she's done. Like, her work is amazing. So, yeah, it's app controlled.
It's a prosthetic. You can wear it when just, you know, when time is time, time is time. And so her inspiration was just like, well, she wanted to be able to have sexy time with her wife anywhere. And so that's why she's created the device. But, but I was like, I wanna know, I wanna learn how to do stuff like this and that's how I got into robotics.
Jenn Junod
I'm seeing the connection, I'm seeing the connection. And I'm also like, I totally went there and I'm like, trying to picture it too because I'm like, oh yeah, that's, that's very creative. That's also like completely out of left field for me because, and that's the part I love about this podcast is learning so much about what else there is in the world because just you going to England, I know my time in England like words like Fanny Pack is not a thing like you're talking about a
batch. Then Spunky don't say spunky because it's a dude's j like, it's not like these are words that I now like Fanny Pack. I'm like, OK with because it's a very, very commonly used word in the US yet when somebody says, oh, you're so spunky, I'm like, yeah, like, so I get you and, and there's, there's at least during my time, there was like, very, very, I have spent time in like Peru and Bulgaria and Romania and Germany and England.
And even though the language is the same, you drive on different sides of the street and there, from where I am in the US, there isn't as much public transportation. So is a lot of learning about public transportation. Also, the education as you could probably talk to about way more is very different because they have prime. Is it secondary, wait?
Monitrice Lashé
Yeah, primary school, primary, secondary, university. College. Well, they have college and then they have university. What's college? Yeah. So, college is like, you know how in the US? From, like, 16 to 18 you finish, like, your junior senior year.
So they don't do that. They just go to college and they can, like, specialize in certain areas. and either go into apprenticeship or they can use whatever college credit they have and go into university. Oh, it, it makes so much sense over here.
Jenn Junod
Like, that's another thing that I apprenticeships. Like, that's something that, I saw throughout a lot of Europe that I didn't see, in the US and it's also the, all the different accents. Like it matters where you are, especially just in the London area itself. Like, there's many English accents I can understand and then somebody will come up and I'll be like, what did you just say to me?
It's like a different dialect of it. And now you, so not only do you have these subtle changes, like 1 to 1? They don't sound like that big of a deal. I know I was traveling by myself so I didn't know how to call an Uber because, and I ended up walking with my suitcase, like two miles to my, airbnb and like how things function. Like I had to learn how to dial internationally.
These are all very, very small things, but these small things can add up and become very, very stressful, let alone you're starting at a new school and something that you like didn't even imagine months beforehand. So what was that experience like, like integrating into you know, English culture?
Monitrice Lashé
Yeah. So, wow. and thinking about it is it was a struggle like there's no real language barrier but the dialects are very interesting. I remember getting in the cab to go to the bus station that I had to go to. And this guy is talking to me and I'm like, I don't know what you're saying and he didn't know what I was saying. Like now I speak with like my words are very much more enunciated.
But if you've ever heard anybody from Atlanta, you can you understand that like it, this is a whole another dialect. So learning, I don't even want to call it code switching but learning how to enunciate words. And then the British culture is, I don't know, it's quite interesting because where I was the first school I went to was in Cambridge and Cambridge is like literally a melting pot.
So you've got people from all over the world. So that part was amazing because I feel like in the States, like, yes, you have your areas but they're very quick, like very clicky if I, if I can call it that. But here, it's just like, look, nobody's at home, nobody has family here. We're all family. So like that in itself was my experience coming over, you know, here I think if I came here to work, it would be different.
You get me. So so yeah, just having that sort of like being, being able to experience cultures from different parts of the world versus the actual British culture was was interesting.
Jenn Junod
I can only imagine. And I know for myself like and I did go for work. So the drinking, I don't know how it is in Atlanta but like you drink a shit ton and it's like you just get used to drinking because when I was first there, there, I was such a lightweight and then by the time like I was only in Europe for three months, but I can throw them back like I was good and now I'm just like a glass of wine.
I'm gonna be so tipsy. Yeah, because I've been back in the us for so long. And it's, it's fascinating how the cultures differ so much, even though we speak the same, technically speak the same language. And now you talked about going to school and then you found a job and we've talked about a few things that I think make it a very interesting time to go to school there and then start in the workforce is not only you are an American, which being an American in another country, at least
from my experience is difficult because people don't necessarily like Americans and there is a stigma against your American. I don't want to talk to you and that is one thing to overcome. You're also a woman of color in tech and being queer and women in tech just in general.
So you kind of are starting to see like, like I'm seeing a picture of it just like all these hurdles like in front of you that are just like stacking against you and getting higher. How are you, how, what was your experience with that?
Monitrice Lashé
Well, it was interesting. So, I mean, where do I start? being queer? I never put it out there because I was just like, look, it's already bad enough that I'm a woman of color and I experienced things that a lot of women in tech don't experience. So I kept a lot of that. So a lot of those things very personal, like I would never tell anybody even my partners that I've had over here, like, never really brought them around work drinks per se.
it was just kind of like, oh, yeah, that's my friend, you know. And, yeah. Yeah, because, like, it was always the case where I just, I didn't want it to affect my work, unfortunately. now that has changed since I've been over here. I am in a really good space where, like, I can be myself. I don't have to worry about like hiding anything.
I'm also not very like, like flamboyant or anything. I don't know how you want to call it. I don't know. But at the same time, I feel like I'm, I'm very much comfortable in the skin that I'm in and then also being queer and recently coming out to my parents as well. The past that's been, it's been about three years.
Jenn Junod
So, but that is definitely II, I am heterosexual so II I can't relate in that fact, but I can only imagine how scary that is. a a again with also with women of color. I, I'm a woman in tech and I've been a woman in tech sales and I know how much of a struggle it was for me and I know the women of color that I associated with, I saw how they could get like women in general do get passed over or not heard, but even more so especially I would say, black women of, well, she's just being mean to me and like,
those type of things when they weren't, they were totally like normal and nice and great. And it's, and then also having like to hide yourself from that. How did you see, did you deal with these, issues in school or did it show up only in the workplace?
Monitrice Lashé
So it did happen, only like, very, very slightly in school. And that's because the only, the only like incident, like big incident that happened was when I was in class and I, I tend to dress like more masculine presenting sometimes I, I kind of go in between the boat. It just depends on the day really for me. And so I had to teach a lecture and he would be like, he would call me, sir, man.
And I'm just like, why, you know, I'm the only female in the class, but he would, he would just do that. And I'm like, there's no reason to do that, just call me ma'am or call me by my name. You know, it was really weird. And then the other time that I experienced it was when I was doing something for the University of Cambridge. So they've got like a bunch of like different colleges.
So I experienced it there too and I'm just like, I, I right away and stopped saying that, oh, yeah, you know, I'm queer. They already can see I'm a woman of color but I just, I stopped. So, yeah. And then in the workplace there was a couple of internships where I experienced some, discrimination unfortunately. And, you know, it was just more like, oh, are you the secretary?
Like, no, I've got a whole two degrees that you don't have, you know, so, being, being downplayed in that sense and experience that it, it kind of hurt. But then like, I've experienced discrimination all my life. So it's just like I want this to change and I've seen things unravel piece by piece, but it's just like, it's a very like slow sort of thing
Jenn Junod
when in that one sink in that is something that I think a lot of people don't even comprehend how these microaggressions show up because so many people in, in my opinion, they are, they say things like yo I'm not racist or I'm not, you know, sexist or any of those yet it society has taught us these microaggressions that show up like calling you sir, ma'am or are you the secretary or all of
those? From my understanding are considered microaggressions that really slowly give someone and marginalized communities enough paper cuts that you can bleed out.
Monitrice Lashé
Yeah, definitely, definitely.
Jenn Junod
And why would you say? And I don't know, like I get that women in tech and specifically women of color in tech and the LGBT Q plus community in tech is so important yet. I don't just being a woman of in tech, I'm like, I don't know if I would have wanted to go down this route. Like, it wasn't necessarily my chosen route.
I just kind of ended up here and for those because we really do need to encourage younger generations to go into stem which is science, technology, engineering and math. Right. Yes. What would you say to your younger self to encourage you to pursue this?
Monitrice Lashé
Wow. Just just get out there. I didn't understand that for a long time. As I mentioned earlier, like it coming here really got me out of my shell. And so to my younger say to my younger self, I would be like, OK, well, you need to just get it done like it's, it's everything is gonna work out in the end. I promise you.
Jenn Junod
What did you do in Atlanta before you moved to the UK?
Monitrice Lashé
So I was working at a factory? Yeah, I did a lot of manufacturing work but it's because it's like easy money and I needed the money at the time to pay for stuff. So, so that's what I did.
Jenn Junod
Completely random and not even related. I love it. All right. All right. And now you talked about going back a little bit and I think it's a very important topic that we touched on that you mentioned very briefly is you said, going from the US to the UK wasn't necessarily code switching, but you definitely had to learn the different dialects. Could you explain to us what code switching is and where you've seen that show up in your life that you've had to do that?
Monitrice Lashé
Oh, yeah, for sure. in school at the workplace before where I am now, of course. but it's just because, like, it's not even, oh, they don't understand me. It's more of a, they see me as aggressive. So I felt like, and a lot of like, even from a very young age that I've had to quote unquote code switch in order to get my point across or to be heard.
Unfortunately. So, so I've been called all kinds of names and, oh, you speak white and I'm like, what does that even mean? Like, I'm just enunciating my words, you know, or, or I use bigger words because I did used to use, like, I used to, like, read the dictionary or have like vocab books and stuff and that was just my interest.
Jenn Junod
So it's like, I'm laughing because you just said read the dictionary and I'm like, this is my worst nightmare right there. So I'm like, oh God.
Monitrice Lashé
Yeah, I was always like, I don't know. I was, I was that weird kid. No, I just love to learn.
Jenn Junod
Yeah. And that's, that's a beautiful thing. So please, like, if you're saying you're the weird kid as giving yourself a prop up, then I love it. But if it's like just calling yourself out and going is the weird kid. No, dude, you were like the coolest because that set you up for success. The way that I've understood code switching is you touch point on it of talking white or because so many different marginalized communities and this could be from our Asian minorities or Hispanic
minorities. And they're not even really minorities here in the US anymore. They are literally all the quote unquote minorities take up more than 50% of the population. But anyway, code switching a lot of times is breaking that down to talking more white. And a lot of times that's considered talking more educated like or dressing more white.
I've also heard that come across this code switching and where that is very difficult because a like so many people just have to learn how to do it naturally and don't even realize that they're doing it. We all kind of code switch like, you know, you may not talk to the ceo's company at the company as much as you would talk to your best friend in the same type of language, the same type of word structure yet.
That's not the same as having to specifically talk to a different race differently or to be able to be heard at work. I can only imagine especially being in tech. At least it used to be, I'm not sure if it still is where it was mainly educated white dudes and then having to switch to be able to communicate with them better. Has that show up a lot for you in the workplace that way with code switching.
Monitrice Lashé
Not recently, like I, I have been blessed to be, be in better spaces where I don't have to worry about that, you know. Now there, there, of course, like, have you mentioned about like talking to a CEO in a business meeting versus your friend? Like, yes, of course, like the language is gonna change, but I don't feel like I have to change myself and, you know, and how I, how I would like bring things across.
So I'm trying to think, I think it was a few years ago where I was working with an external client client and it was kind of like the same thing like it was, in fact, it was the situation with, oh, are you the secretary? You know? So it was just like, wow. But yeah, I don't know why they thought I was gonna do it like, OK, whatever. I, I was doing a whole internship there, I should have been introduced like appropriately, but that wasn't the case obviously.
So I did like experience that. but another thing I want to bring up is working in tech and especially with software engineers and coding and stuff. There has been like this big thing about, I don't know if you're familiar with it, but a master versus a child class and how they're trying to like, work to, to use better terms because like, what do you mean a master?
You know, that that's, and, and African Americans and black people, like, no, that's not what we're about to do. And with the, with us coming into tech more like we want to change those terms. So so that's, that's like another thing as well.
Jenn Junod
I've, I've, I don't know if I've heard necessarily that. Exactly. I've heard at least for myself where it's like the child, the parent and then the master where the master is like the, the mass, the I'm using the terminology like the one true like version. There we go. That, that's the master is the one true version like master copies kind of thing and that's different. OK? This is different. OK? Then no, I don't know, I, you know, I know some tech but not all the tech.
Monitrice Lashé
Yeah. Yeah, it has to do with like more with with coding and stuff. So but yeah, it's just like things like that but it's just, it's so good to see representation and in tech and that's really why I continued. That was one of my biggest pushes is I want to be an impact to somebody because this is who I needed when I was 1516 year old, not wanting to go to school, not wanting to do anything but make quick money, you know.
Monitrice Lashé, Jenn Junod
So, yeah, that's, that's part of my inspiration and that's amazing.
Jenn Junod
And, and you talked about your inspiration that you saw on Instagram. What was her name again?
Monitrice Lashé
So her name is Glen Kinard Moore.
Jenn Junod
All right, we're totally going to look her up and put her in the notes as well. Like me to give her a shout out because that is a woman of color in tech that is starting to change the sex tech. First off. Totally didn't know that was a thing before. Like I, like I can, it made sense like I probably knew that it existed, but I don't think I've ever talked about it. Like I've been to the only places that I've seen openly shown any type of sex toys or anything like that has been like the prides that
I've gone to and parades and pride events where I'm not, they're, they're probably out there. I just don't know them of other events that would have that out there as much. So, what is your draw to sex tech? Like, what do you imagine that you want to help change in that world because it is so important to talk about and to change and to be able to make it more accessible for others. Yeah.
Monitrice Lashé
Yeah. So my biggest things is inclusiveness, representation. And and yeah, just being like, I, the thing that drove that drew me in is that I didn't know about my body. Like my mom didn't have me, didn't have to talk with me. I didn't go to sex. Like that just wasn't a thing, especially being in a Christian private school. Like, no, you don't not.
And even now, like, I'm still learning about my body. But what piqued my interest the most is that it's more than just pleasure, you know. a lot of things come around sex with, oh gosh, even like trauma, different things like that. There is things that I experienced as a young, like a teenager that I didn't understand until later on in my life that oh that wasn't OK.
You know, and this is probably why I am the way that I am in my relationships. So processing that and and just wanting to be educated, there's no reps, there's almost, there's next to no representation of women of color and sex ed. And I don't know if you've seen it, but a few months back, it might have actually been a year about them. There was an illustrator that did a a black woman she gave birth and it was just like, oh my God, we've never seen this. Black women don't give birth. Like,
what do you mean? We've never seen a black woman in a book being illustrated giving birth. So this is amazing, you know, to see this representation, this is what we need. And that's that's definitely the impact that I want to have in sex. Te whether it's something that I could create on my own, I've actually I'm currently working on an app for that. So it's just like I want to have an impact, you know, that was really beautiful. Yeah. Yeah, it's, it's time, it's overdue. Definitely.
Jenn Junod
Yeah, I, I started giving you a funny look because you started seeing that people were reacting like they never saw a black woman give birth and I'm like, wait, they've been giving birth for like a gazillion million years. But it makes more sense.
Monitrice Lashé, Jenn Junod
It is illustration that I was like, oh OK.
Monitrice Lashé
That makes sense.
Jenn Junod
No, you said it that way, but I wasn't like computing it that way that I'm like, oh wait, that totally makes way more sense and that, that's like such a beautiful thing. You mentioned about the trauma part and I know for myself, I eventually want to be able to have like sex experts and now that I'm learning about sex tech, probably that onto the podcast because it should, I personally don't want to talk about yet.
A lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm still dealing with the trauma that I've gone through. And as much as I'm working in therapy to work through these issues and to get over it. I know that it's not healthy for me to push myself that hard. Just to, because I'm, I am curious about it yet. At the same time I still have a lot of unresolved shame, but I can't say exactly where the shame came from.
I was sexually abused from the age of 8 to 10 and I've also been raped and it's, it's the type of thing that I can say it very, like, nonchalantly, like, yeah, this happened to me. No problem yet. It really does show up in mine and my partner's relationship because it's been hard for me to learn to trust him to just touch my leg in a intimate, like, intimate in the fact of just to be there.
Not a, just trying to get some kind of way, like, or that he's safe even though he's a guy, like there's, and we've been together for four years. Like, this is stuff that I'm, he's been very patient through that I'm working on yet. I think it's something that is really, really not brought up. So I do my, my own, like, influence on a industry that I didn't know existed till, like, 20 minutes ago.
I think it'd be really cool if sex tech really did help with sexual trauma and, like, how to help work through it because it's, it's something that so many, it is mainly women that have gone through it. But yet men have to and teaching men that women's bodies are not just like their play toys and they don't just get what they want just because they said so, you know, and that, I, I feel like you're doing such a beautiful thing with going into that industry.
oh, what would you say to anybody curious about sex tech? Like, I'm almost like, I, I feel like I don't Google a lot of that world. I would say like the, the sex world because then it like brings up so much porn and I'm like, I don't wanna see porn. I wanna learn about, you know, like overcoming things or just like the how to create more intimacy or like to try to get myself to work through some of this.
Yet it comes up with like all the nasty stuff and I'm like, dude, that's not helpful right now. So how would people look into this if this is something that they're interested in?
Monitrice Lashé
Definitely. So, and this came with research when I was doing robotics. I was very upfront with my lecture like, hey, I wanna get into sex tech. I know I'm a woman of color. I'm like, it was me myself and another woman other or the rest of cohort was men and he was so supportive. I, like I was, I told my partner at the time I was like, I'm sweating right now.
Because I'm gonna tell this man that I want to get into sex tech that I want to talk about sex and use robotics to do it. So, so it was just like a lot of that support that got me to where, you know, where I want it to be. And and I would say that through my research, I came across, I, I know her first name is Cindy. I can't think of her last name right now, but she actually created this platform that is, it's porn, but it's like, it's so intimate because it's like real couples.
So they show you how they love each other, they show you, you know what they do just like out of outside of sex, I guess, you know, you'll find things that's about sex, but it's very educational, which is nice because like in porn, there's always like this stigmatism and then like a whole society, you're, you know, your parts need to look like this and you know, your partners need to do this to you.
And it's just like they're, it's all acting, you know, it's not real. So with her creating that sort of platform to be an educational tool, but also to show like, hey, this is how you be intimate, this is how you can have pleasure. You know, this is how you do this. If you want to try something new, like starting there was a really eye that was a big eye opener even being queer.
And because he had queer couples on there that that yeah, they would do their thing and show you how to do it and everything. So it was just a really like, like I said, it was an eye opener to start there and and then I start coming across like Instagrams that would talk about you know, how to deal with traumas and I met some really great people as well in my research and also doing hackathons.
So, so yeah, it's just about, I mean, using social media to your advantage, you know. Yeah, you can find porn like everywhere unfortunately, but finding those real stories, they're out there. I, I promise you, you just gotta search for them.
Jenn Junod
That's, that's, I love that. I love that. And so we've talked a lot about like sex tech and like what you would say to yourself as your younger self, especially as a woman going into tech, a woman of color, going into tech. What would you say to someone that's wanting to go abroad? Like, what would you say? Like if you could make like a pros and cons list? Because I, I would say that I was very something that I really struggled with and I'm not sure if you've been to any third world
countries. But when I, I adapted really well to being in a third world country yet, I had a really hard time going back to the US. Ok. Ok. And like, those are things that I don't think a lot of people really talk about and I'm curious if you made like, a pro and con list for going or, like, if you've ever thought about coming back to the US, like, what would you say, the pros and cons of school abroad or traveling abroad or living abroad? All of the above?
Monitrice Lashé
Yeah. So, things have definitely changed since I've been here. But I would say that if you want to go abroad, one, make sure that your degree is transferable. That's something that's very important. in England, it's like, it's a, you know, no brainer but, but other countries, they may not have like that transferable sort of degree. So if you want to go back home and, you know, do something, you just need to make sure that you're able to do it.
Another pro about coming here is, well, especially for me, this is why I didn't want to go to university in the States. But whatever you come to learn, that's what you're learning. There's no like bullshit classes, there's no many one on one and you're studying like computer science or something. Like it's, it's none of that. So the education system here in England I can only speak for is definitely different.
And, and yeah, that's why I did a lot better. The, the university for your bachelor's is only three years. Your masters are a year. and that's because they cut up all that stuff. So, so that those are the co the pros, the cons is money. Like, if you don't have it, yes, you can get a loan but you need to make sure that you have money before you come here because it's not, it's gonna be difficult.
Like the, I don't, this is one thing I didn't understand. So I started actually trading Forex but, I didn't realize that the pound a dollar was like crazy expensive back then. Like I'm talking about, I think one, I don't know, like £1 was like a dollar 75 or a dollar 80 back then. Now it's a lot cheaper, but I lost a lot of money, you know, getting that converted.
So that's something that, that seems like that I would say to anyone that wants to come abroad is to, you know, keep that in mind. another con, oh, I can't, I don't know, like I would just say, like, make sure that you're open minded because if you're not, you're gonna get yourself into situations that can be very sticky. And if you don't have anybody here, or like friends or people that you trust, like it's gonna be very difficult. So, definitely finding that solid foundation and,
just having somebody that you can trust that works at a university, is, is like really important. I would say one thing with my first university and also the second one as well that the international team was like, awesome. I ended up working for them that they were so good. Like, so it was cool like they, they really want to make sure that you have that support that you needed, you know. So I think those were the main things.
Jenn Junod
Thank you. Thank you. And I, I would say just one thing that I think is a good call out just to add to what you just said is the loneliness, being alone. You have to learn to live with yourself. And that is a pro anacon because in my opinion is, it's like you, it's hard, it is really hard being alone, especially when you don't know anyone or you wanna go out to eat or especially if you've never experienced any of that before yet.
You grow so much by doing something like that. And so that's why I'm like, that's a pro and a con. I can go to the coffee shop by myself now where it used to be that I'd be like, I'm never going out out. No, like people are gonna stare and now I'm like, fuck it. I'll go wherever I want by myself.
Monitrice Lashé
Exactly. And yeah, I think my, my experience is slightly different because I knew how to be alone. I prefer to be alone because like, I just, it was just so much that I went through, like, traumatically in my friendships and relationships that I was like, no, like, I'm, I'm good. That's why I'm making that transition to come here was, wasn't like the end of the world. You know, I was kind of like, like I was very grateful to come into a space where I could be myself finally, you know, and
the people that are, that were around me at the times, through every phase, at every degree. we just so accepting and I needed that in my life. because I struggled with the acceptance part but not the lonely part. You get me. So, so, yeah, that was definitely a thing.
Jenn Junod
And we have about 15 minutes left, before we wrap, was there anything you specifically wanted to go over that we haven't gone over yet.
Monitrice Lashé
Wow. I think that's, oh, my coming out. I do want to talk about that real quick. All right. Ok. So I knew at a very early age that I was not normal per se. I grew up in a very, like, religious home. We went to church every Sunday and Wednesday. Like, you know, that was that, and I remember one summer when I was, I was a teenager, I can't remember exactly how old and, my auntie, we're not that far apart.
Like, I think we're like, four or five years apart and she came out as gay. And my dad was like, you can never come to my house. He, you know, disowned her basically. And I got scared because I understood that regardless of what I was taught in church, I had these feelings and I'm like, well God made me in his image like, why am I like this? You know, so just a lot of questioning.
So yeah, I just kind of hit that part of me for a very long time. I went through being by and I'm just like, no, I'm just, I'm not satisfied with the man II, I had no desire to be with a man. And even coming here like I had partners. And again, we had to hide because either they were of a different religion and their family wouldn't accept it or they weren't out to their parents.
So it was just very difficult. But one day in August 2019, I was so nervous and I told the girl that I was talking to at the time, like I wanna come out to my parents and she's like, look if they don't support you, I will, I'm like, OK, I'll, you know, fill it. So my mom had called like they normally do. We used to video chat if not every day, every other day.
And I was just, I remember I was sweating like I don't know if my mom could see it or not. I haven't actually asked for this. But, she was telling me something and my head was just everywhere. Like you gotta come out, you gotta come out. It's, it's time I had come out to my brother, about two or three years prior and he was like, I know. So I just kind of looked at that.
He's very nonchalant anyway. and I said, mom, I gotta tell you something. She was sitting in the car and my dad was in the store and she's like, what's up? And I was like, mom, I like women. Like I whispered it and she was like, we know like, it's ok like we, we know and that was just like I started crying because I didn't know how this is gonna come out.
Like, yes, I've made, I made it from, I made a living for myself and I'm here and everything but like not having my parents that would have, you know, been a, a whole chunk of my life, like just, just gone. And so she started smiling. She's like, well, this is why I brought up that, you know, I want to go to Atlanta pride. I'm like, oh, ok. So you were kind of ok, I get you.
My dad gets in the car and and I was like daddy, I gotta tell you something and he he looks like kind of, huh? And I was like, yes, so I like women and he was like, yeah, we know. And I'm just like, oh my God, it's like, did I make it that obvious? You know. but again, I felt like weight had lifted off my shoulders, of course. But I was like, finally, like, after all, after being depressed about this and thinking about it so hard and just not knowing where the next step was gonna be, all these
things just came to surface and I was like, no, it's time and to have their support. And my mom immediately was just like, oh, let me talk to your friend because she knew that she was there. And so she told my friends like, yeah, we knew. so you two dating and like they was, we weren't but at the time. But but yeah, it was just like, it was so good. It was nice. I'm, I'm really, really glad and grateful because a lot of people don't have that experience. especially being people of color.
Monitrice Lashé, Jenn Junod
So, so yeah, that's definitely something I'm grateful for and that's just like a such a heartwarming piece to touch on.
Jenn Junod
And I appreciate that. And I think that's something that is like a best case scenario that all of us could only wish for. And that's coming out. I, I would say again, not my experience like I can't relate per se, but we all may have something to that's hindering us that we need to share. That is so important that we think people are gonna take it so much worse than they may or vice versa.
That I can only imagine for those who need to come out to their family, how difficult that is and how scary that is because there's things I've hidden from my parents and, well, I got my wisdom teeth removed and I ended up telling my dad that it was like smoking weed. Oh, because I was like, I was 15 at the time and I was way too scared to tell him that I ever smoked weed.
And I ended up telling him anyway by no means is that in any comparison, like coming out? But like, that's the closest I can kind of relate to, of being afraid of telling my family something. And so thank you for sharing a good experience because as you said, not everybody has that experience and now I'm totally going to segue and because we, I know we have to wrap up soon and to the audience.
Hey, y'all, I lost my job in January and to keep the podcast going. And if you're enjoying hearing about all this shit that we talk about every single week, please, please please share the podcast, subscribe, comment, like it, subscribe to all the, you know, social medias and please donate. This is even if it's like a dollar, you know, those dollars will add up or pounds or euros wherever you are in the world.
If I'm not mentioning your currency because this is, I truly believe in this podcast and it's something that I'm not gonna be able to afford to keep going unless I get the help of all of our listeners. So I on that note, to move on, what are some words of wisdom for the audience?
Monitrice Lashé
Well, it has been hard, we get it these past few years. not only losing my father but going through school through COVID. Listen, then the day you're gonna make it, it's gonna be all right, everything is gonna be all right, whoever it is that you believe in or if you don't believe in somebody like you're gonna be taken care of, I promise you just keep putting good Kra out do things from your heart and it's always gonna come back to you positively.
Jenn Junod
I like it. And how do people reach out to you?
Monitrice Lashé
Definitely Instagram. I'm on linkedin but I'm kind of funny with linkedin. But yeah, so Instagram is where to find me. I do a lot of posting Not only my projects but if anybody needs to get up with me about something or they need like a confident boost or support, I got you. So you can reach me on Instagram.
Monitrice Lashé, Jenn Junod
I'm pretty sure we're going to drop a link somewhere but it's definitely drop links but please say it just so that way people hear it.
Monitrice Lashé
Yeah. Yeah.
Monitrice Lashé, Jenn Junod
So it's when I choose to say all right.
Jenn Junod
And what is something that you're grateful for?
Monitrice Lashé
Ok. I don't wanna be sad ending this, but I am grateful for my family. I'm not very close with my cousins or anything outside of my mom and my brother rest in peace to my dad. even through these trying times and also being here abroad, they have been my backbone like in everything and not only am I grateful for them, but I'm grateful for the people that can count on one hand for
being there to support me for being there through my depression episodes. and just telling me, I'm proud, telling me that they're proud of me. That's what I'm grateful for.
Jenn Junod
That hits home and thank you for sharing. something that I'm grateful for is oh, definitely just learning to be comfortable with myself. I am a very, very curious being, I love my purple hair and asking a gazillion questions and wearing bright sparkly gold overalls because I just love them and it's taken me years to go. I'm worth it to be able to be like that and like that was always me. I was just too afraid to be that way and I'm I'm grateful that I am becoming me and sharing it with you.
Monitrice Lashé
I love this for you. I do.
Jenn Junod
Thank you. Thank you and money. Thank you for being on the show today and talk soon. All right, thanks.
Monitrice Lashé
Bye bye bye.
Jenn Junod
Hello again. Beautiful human. What did you get out of today's episode? We'd love to hear what was most impactful to you. We all know someone that could have really used this episode so please send it their way. Remind them that they're not alone. Stay tuned for new episodes every Wednesday. Here's a few ways that we could really use your support to keep shit.
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