S1 E42 Shit2TalkAbout Conversation & Communication with Rina JD
Transcript was AI generated, if there are mistakes, please let me know! Thank you in advance! Jenn Junod
Hello, beautiful human.
Jenn Junod
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Jenn Junod
Hey, Rina, thank you for joining shit. You don't want to talk about. Please introduce yourself in the shit you want to talk about today.
Rina JD
Hey Jen. Hey, guys. It's wonderful meeting you. Thank you for having me on. My name is Rina Rina JD. I am a certified coach, mentor, author, speaker mom and overall just bang in person. I love to have fun. I love to enjoy myself, but I am all about women's empowerment. I am all about showing people, individuals how to be their bigger, better self.
I'm one that I don't take no excuses. There's always a way where there's a will. There's a way and I'm also a sage. So we're known for being those those kind of in your face kind of people that are not gonna let you have a bad day. So there's no such thing as a bad day. I'm one of those people I'm here. So excited to be here.
Jenn Junod
Thank you. Thank you. And I, I don't think I've ever really talked about it.
Rina JD, Jenn Junod
I'm a gemini which geminis and statues are very compatible.
Jenn Junod
Yeah. And it's, it's very interesting because with a Gemini and I've, I've learned this in my life. I'm so curious about things that my, when I learn something new, my truth can change. So it's never been like, I'm lying about something but I'm like, oh, I learned something new. I've had it where past experiences like guys I've dated be like you're always lying. And I'm like, no, I just learned something new that changed my opinion.
So I just, it's fun yet. We have to have strong pillars in our life like sage. So I love that you're here and you're so fun to talk to. You are the ultimate awesome badass. So again, stoked that you're here. And from what I remember on our intro call, we're going to talk about conversation and communication.
Rina JD
Communication. Yes. Yo, communicate because here's the thing, name, one thing in life or one situation in life where communication is not key. I mean, there, there is nothing. I don't care if you are deaf blind. If you're professional, hell, I don't care if you're on the pole. Communication is everything. If you're on a personal level, if you're on a professional level communication is everything.
And so what I found was what, what? Really? And I'm probably answering the question that you haven't answered yet asked yet. But what brought me to this point was I was so misunderstood and for a lot of years, people would say, well, why did you say that? Like, II, I came from, I was born and raised from New York and I, I went to school in Delaware for college and I found that when I would interact with people, they would say you're so mean.
And I was like, I'm not mean, like, are you kidding me? I don't have a mean bone in my body. I'm not mean. You're so mean. Why did you say that? I was like, because it's the freaking truth, like, and I had to kind of dial it back because they weren't ready to receive it. Yes, it was the truth. But where I come from, you tell people the truth, regardless of what you may not like it.
Come hook or come crook, you're gonna say it and you'll get over it. Love you much. You'll be all right. But when I got into that environment, it was a totally different situation. They weren't as receptive. It hurt their feelings and people were really offended. And I was like, I cannot believe, like, I couldn't fathom what it was like to not want to hear the truth, but I had to kind of take a step back and in my maturity, I recognize, OK, you can say it, but this how you say it, what you
say, the word phrases, your word choices, your body language, all of that. So all of that communication kind of played a part in the professional as well as in the personal.
Rina JD, Jenn Junod
So communication is everything I completely agree.
Jenn Junod
And thank you for explaining about how you got there. And the previous job that I had I got laid off in January. So it's still pretty fresh. The industry I was in, it was API S and that's a super techie thing. But it basically means one program talking to another program. And yes, it is a lot of coding and they can be difficult to make as well as maintain.
Because if it is something that a business wants to allow another business to use it. They need to make documentation of how to use that. API And it's crazy to me of how much communication, human communication goes into the computer communication program, communication. And you have to be able to communicate with very, very different types of people.
from my own experience, talking to a software developer, compu computer engineer or any of those type of roles is speaking completely different to somebody in finance, to a sales person to a CEO. And yes, they are all incredibly cool humans. Yet the conversation, the technicality the language used is completely different.
Rina JD
It is it when you're talking computer language like that was, that's a very good point because computer languages, like even as far as the programmers, you could have five programmers and five different languages on how to program the same thing and all of them work, all of them work. It's just that they have different ways to go about. They call it like their signature. Like there are different ways that they go about achieving the same goal, but they are just different ways of
communication. Like I said, communication is everything. So being able to master that being or even just being conscious of it, you're that the battle is halfway won. Just knowing that what you know that, hey, if I'm talking to a CEO, it's gonna be different than if I'm talking to the tech guy if I'm talking to, you know, this, this science guy over here just knowing that and being conscious of it, like you're halfway there.
Jenn Junod
And I, I definitely will say that I've something in communication and I'm curious how you, you've seen this show up or how you coach people through it when I'm, somebody that's dropped out of high school has very limited, college education. And I, you know, to toot my own horn, I feel, I feel I'm pretty intelligent yet. If I talk to you what I call an academic, someone that has a phd or somebody that has a lot of schooling. There's times where I get in my own head where I'm like, I'm not as
educated as them and yet communications can still be there, but I'm like stuck in my own head. So how do you see communication show up for people if, because with like the classism or the because we can see it against like people that discriminate because they don't understand or they don't know. So they don't know how to ask those questions. Like, how do you, how do you make that a bit more open?
Rina JD
So it's two fold. So it's the, the, the giver and the receiver, right? So the the person that is maybe the one that is in academia, they have to be conscious of the fact that they do hold this, you know, hold this position and you, you do have this level of intellect, but you have to be aware of who you're speaking to. And I don't mean to dumb anyone down.
But I mean, for me, the mark of a true communicator is to be able to deliver your message effectively, efficiently and as simplistic and, and succinct as possible where if they are academics or if you're speaking to a five year old, they'll still be able to understand that to me is a mark of a good communicator that there's good. And then there's great, a great communicator will be able to speak in plain language and be able to relay a message to you that is not gonna be received as
condescending meaning I not gonna continue to say, do you understand like there's no need to do that. I can explain it in a way to where I can say, you know, I may be talking about micro physics and I'll say micro physics is whatever and I don't know what micro physics that so please do not hold me to that standard.
Jenn Junod
But I'm just saying, if someone can comment on one of our social medias, what it is, that would be great.
Rina JD
It would be amazing. But if, if I'm talking about that particular topic to break it down to say, well, it is this, this, this and this and this is what I do in that area. It's breaking it down to a point where someone will be able to understand and comprehend. Maybe they will have questions, but it won't be the most basic questions. It just be like, huh, just to be able to clear up that line of communication.
And as far as the receptor, the person that feels like, hey, you know, I'm not as educated as them, if that is actually a twofold process because you have, and we all have a gift. We're all gifted at something. I don't care if you're educated or not, we all are gifted at something. You have to find your gift, right? So if you're not operating in your gift, at that particular moment, you're talking to someone, just recognize the fact that, hey, listen, they're a person, I'm a person,
they put their pants like on one leg at a time, just like I do. So guess what, I'm gonna sit here and I'm gonna engage in this conversation. So part of it in being the person that's hearing it is to adjust your expectation for yourself, not to necessarily dismiss yourself just because you haven't accomplished what they've accomplished. It doesn't matter.
Communication is communication. We all need each other in order for us to be, be able to coexist. We need some people that are gonna be way here in education and we need some people that are gonna be way here in other things like as a trade job or whatever. Because guess what? That person, that person can be a brilliant scientist but can't even change his hire.
So guess what? Take them out of academia and put them on the side of the road and guess what? Now they feel like the person that's like, oh my God, I need help. So we all meet each other, just recognize and respect the person that you're communicating with and be cognizant of the fact that, hey, let's talk in plain English.
Jenn Junod
I, I love that. And something that you mentioned earlier is we all need to communicate. And you mentioned like you know, deaf blind pole dancers. And it's, it's so interesting to me that especially like with dancers because there we have an episode that's coming out about someone who was a dancer and she's a, a beau dois photo photographer now and the type of communication is reading body language and also learning how to use your own body as communication.
I would say the same as other dancers. Like not just necessarily pole dancers, but you know, people that dance for a profession, they have to learn to go to to be able to communicate through their body. Like I love the ballet and I also love street dancing. Like I'm like somebody dancing, please. Just like music dancing, please. I just wanna watch you.
I don't care what kind of dancing you're doing. I just, it's, it's so powerful and it's a feeling that you don't necessarily, at least for myself, I don't always understand the feeling I'm feeling or why I'm feeling it yet they're communicating with me. Now, with past history and I, I've always had a fascination with human connection. That's why this podcast is out there and with human connection, a lot of that is communication.
And by human nature, from my understanding, we judge people based on their appearance within a few seconds, their body language as we talked about and then also their level of eye contact and also their, then then after you get all those buffers, then their language. And this is a hard thing that I've, I've struggled with articulating is and also something that I do in my intro
calls. I almost purposely don't show up on my intro calls with makeup or anything done. I always look like a hot mess because I wanna gauge if the guest is gonna judge me on that.
Rina JD
Oh, gotcha.
Jenn Junod
Like, I don't always intentionally do it. But it's also something that I'm like, it's an intro call. It's not being recorded for the public. They and I, I've shown up on episodes without makeup or anything done. But how, yeah, fashion and how we dress ourselves really does portray something.
And yet I understand that people are against makeup or why do I have to do this for other people? And I don't have a good way of articulating like why putting effort into yourself allows can, can allow better communication or different communication.
Rina JD
Iii I feel like I know what you're saying, how you present yourself, you know, how or why does that kind of lend to the effectiveness of how people receive you, whether they take you seriously or not? Right. And I can say for me, my perception of it is because we're, it's, it's a na we have a natural inkling. First of all, as human beings, we are naturally negative, we're just naturally negative people.
You don't have to teach a child how to lie. They just, we're just born, we start lying just as soon as we can talk, we gonna lie. And, and it's almost like we have to build the character of no, you don't have to say that you can tell the truth, right? So since we are already in that vein, we're already judgy, we're already, we have that negative way.
That's just natural. Like across the board, if you're breathing is just natural, our eyes, what we see is the perception. So if, if I'm looking at you and I have a negative perception of myself and I see you and you're kind of reflecting what I look like, then it's like the rejection is not necessarily for you, believe it or not, it's more of a rejection for themselves.
So people are drawn to people, things, objects that kind of mimic where they want to go, a goal they would like to achieve. It takes a very sophisticated, a very woke individual, excuse me, to be able to say I'm, I, I struggle in such and such area and be open with that and recognize I struggle in such as I, I have low self esteem. I struggle with my self esteem sometimes, but I'm working on it.
It takes a very mature, sophisticated person to do that. But how that will show up in what they're looking at you is they'll say, oh, her hair isn't done. So she must not care anything about herself that has nothing to do with that. Your hair isn't done because you're like, you know what, I'm the bomb. I don't have to do my hair today. I feel good.
I feel good. I look good whether my hair is done, whether my makeup is done or not, whether I'm wearing a snazzy leather jacket or not, I am the bomb, right? This, that is the way you feel. But someone looking at you, people tend to judge based on the appearance just based on a really in large part how they perceive themselves. So if I feel like if I've been taught, you do not leave the house.
If you're not groomed, you do not say if I've been taught that, then I'm gonna look at you and be like, oh, she must not care about herself because that's what I feel. That's what I've been told. But maybe in your household, your parents was like, you know what, sweetheart, you're beautiful. The way you are, you don't need makeup, you're beautiful the way you are.
You don't have to worry about doing all this frilly stuff to your hair. If someone loves you, they're gonna love you for what's inside. Not what, what's on the outside because the outward experience changes, what's on the inside is what matters 100%.
Jenn Junod
And I love that. You talk about what we do, how we feel to ourselves and it, it is very projected on other people like without intentionally doing it. This is I almost hate talking about it yet. I think it's very important to talk about in the fact that I was growing up, my left breast never developed. So when I was 17, I had an implant done on just that side.
And yet, for all the women out there and then you might as well learn about it too, an implant in a real boob next to each other. Do not look the same, do not act the same, do not show up in a bra the same. And I've always been very, very self conscious about it. Yes, I grew up very religious. So I dressed modestly anyway. because I was taught and also told that if I showed any skin, it would be considered very slutty, which is crazy to me because it's very hard for me to show up as a sexual being
or sexy because I was always shamed about it. And three weeks ago I had my surgery redone and I had both boobs done and just, even during the healing process, the confidence of I'm no longer lappy because that was my nickname for so long. I finally have this done because, and it's also something anybody else noticed. My partner loved me for who I was.
My mom was like, you're beautiful. Like, yeah, it was something that was very, very internalized. Not in it's II I say this in the fact that many people have like a judgment against plastic surgery or those corrective surgeries. And yet I can tell you like night and day difference, night and day difference when I finally had a job that I could have my purple hair.
I've always wanted purple hair and growing up, I was treated more like a boy than a girl that now I love dresses. I love makeup. I love doing my hair because I didn't learn how to do any of that. Probably till I was 27. Wow. And I absolutely love it. I am super girly yet. I still also love working in the shop and redoing furniture and you know, doing the stuff around the house and fixing up stuff.
So I, I see all that to match what you said of. We are very multidimensional. You don't know how somebody is gonna show up and what's going on in their life. Something that you said that really caught my interest, throughout the conversation was I just randomly threw this question out at you that I couldn't even fully formulate and you were able to catch on to what I was saying, to be able to answer the question. And even though I couldn't articulate it, that is a form of communication,
I can skirt around topic to try to get you to understand what I'm saying. But there are many times where I'm like, so this thing, it, it holds tea and it's porcelain. But what is this called again? That happens to me a lot because I forget words. I don't know why it drives me bonkers but it, it is a form of communication as well. And how do we open ourselves up to being more receptive of, hey, if somebody is having a hard time articulating, how do we open our ears?
Rina JD
We have to, it starts with caring. You have to care, care about the conversation, listen, listen to what someone's saying, you know, and when I say, listen, I mean, listen with your eyes and listen with your ears, meaning look at them because if I'm over here doing this and you're talking, I'm like, yy Jen. I got you. Yep. I'm not really hearing you. We hear like it is something along the lines of, if we're doing the, what is it?
Mother? Not mother, may I? But it's, Simon says, right? And it says Simon says, touch your nose. People tend to do this because they didn't listen. So it's like touch your nose and if you're listening, you'll do this. If you're watching, you're gonna do this. So that's why we listen with our eyes as well as our ears.
Jenn Junod
Time out really quick for the listeners on the podcast not watching on youtube. she was patting her head when, Rena said to touch your nose. I, I also wanna add 11 interesting part of the experience of being a DH D I, if I'm watching someone and listening, I will start to days out like, I don't mean to, I, 100% do not mean to. But if I'm playing with my Rubik's Cube or playing like a stupid matching game on my phone, something that keeps my hands busy. I will listen.
Rina JD
So, you know, I have, I have a situation that like I, and it's funny that you say that because I tend to doodle and I'll just like, and it's like brainless, mindless stuff that I like to write. So like, I'll just literally, I like to write in pencil too. So I'll take a pencil and I'll just be writing stuff and I'll be watching and I'll be looking, I'm like, And because if I feel myself drifting, it's just about, it's that antsiness of it.
So I get you, I'm 100 and my husband be like, what are you writing? And I'd be like nothing. It used to bother him so much. We've been married for almost 20 years now. So he doesn't care now. He's just like whatever. She's just, that's just her way and I literally will be paying attention. But it's just that, that engagement that again, even in you knowing that about yourself, that, hey, you know, I'm gonna drift off and I really wanna pay attention to you.
So let me go ahead and do this. That is still a form of communication. You're communicating with your own body to say, hey, listen, we are paying attention here. So take this little distraction, but ears pay attention, you know, mind perceive what's, what's happening. And let's take this in.
So that's still, that's still 100%. You have to care, you have to care about what the person is actually saying and listen to understand, not listen to respond because people tend to listen to rebut as opposed to listening to actually understand what you're saying.
Jenn Junod
I'm giving you a funny face because I'm really bad about my partner saying something and I'll get defensive without realizing it like something. I'll just like spit out like he'll say it's gonna snow tomorrow or it's 60 degrees tomorrow and I'll be like, no, it's 57 and it's like there's no reason I need to say that.
So I've caught myself saying that like I'll say it and I'll be like, shit, I'm sorry. I don't, that was pointless of me saying that it's a habit. It's something that, you know, I learned growing up. Yeah. Where did that come from? My mom?
Rina JD, Jenn Junod
But, because I, oh, I, oh, I had to ask you, and I, I do apologize for cutting you off.
Rina JD
I didn't want to lose my, I should have probably wrote it down. So that's me with my communication faux pas. See, you guys are witnessing firsthand that, you know, we're all we're ever learning. with your surgery, your implants, I just wanted to kind of throw the question out there. You can answer it or no. Where did the shame start with that? Because I understand underdeveloped, I get it. But the shame started somewhere.
I don't know if you remember your earliest memory of it, but this is something that maybe can help you along the way as you go. Yes, you had your surgery, but that doesn't just go away. It may resurface a different time. I'm just gonna say just be cognizant of it. And that will be my question for you. Where did it start? Because there, there had to be a shameful moment that kind of just like lodged itself there.
Rina JD, Jenn Junod
And now every time you come back to that, it's like, yeah, and that's such a great question.
Jenn Junod
So I appreciate you asking that. And, you and I didn't talk too much about my own background growing up. So I have been through just by the time that I was developed and started seventh grade at a very small school, I already had been through solitary confinement, physical abuse, emotional abuse and sexual abuse. So that shame really came from first off, the solitary confinement.
I never felt good enough to be with my family or out when they were having parties at the house. I was always locked in my room with like, you know, those little potties that you'd like train kids to go potty with. That was what I had in my room. And so that was like where Shane really started. And the fact that my dad always wanted a boy, not a girl.
And then, you know, you, we moved to Idaho and I, I'm born in Arizona. So at the age of eight, I moved to Idaho and from 8 to 10, that's when the sexual abuse happened. And that's also when the physical and emotional abuse started happening because my mother is literally my best friend and but back then she had a very emotionally abusive husband and I'm an only child and he would isolate her from everyone.
Like that's a huge part of a narcissist and a manipulator is the Isis isolate Tuke. And that's what happened to my mom. So growing up, she would start telling me that I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm, you know, I'm a slut and it's not because she fully felt that it was when I think back and hear those words. I don't hear her. I hear my dad because those were things that my dad would say to my mom.
And so that is all before the age of 12. Like it is just like stacking them up and then I went to a school like I was already, I first started developing when I was in sixth grade and you, you know how you, like, notice everybody else, like you see all of their boobs and stuff. I I'm gonna back up a little bit. I started my period in 10th or in fifth grade.
I was 10 and I was the youngest and the first one to start it. So all the kids made fun of me for starting my period. And then in sixth grade, I got my boobs and they were uneven where all the other girls had even boobs. So people would ask me what's wrong with me. And then in seventh grade when I started at this small school, they, there was this girl who started calling me lappy.
And so that's really where all this shame comes from. And even to this day, I, I mentioned about how I just give my partner just random responses. I've rapid fire responses because it's like I'm almost like trying to prove my worth. I'm smart enough, I'll do it like I'm smart enough to be in the room like this is my opinion on it and a lot of that is because my mom to this day still does this.
I, I love her to death and like, I'm like, or she'll correct me about that. I'm trying to describe this, that it's porcelain and I put tea in it and she'll be like a coffee cup. And I'm like, you still got what I said, you still knew what I was talking about even though I forgot the word or she'll correct me on like the temperature. For example, if it's Tyler says it's 60 degrees outside and I correct it's 57.
My mom would do that and I have learned to rebut it of mom. You can round up like it's close enough and it's a lot of unlearning patterns that I learned to be able to communicate better. And that really shows up as and, and something that I really learned to do instead of what my mom does is, hey, I'm not really sure about, I, I'll use this as an example.
I worked in Indiana for a year at a cocktail. I was a cocktail server and it was the first time that I was really around black women. I grew up in Idaho, like that was mainly a white community and I was the white girl that was like, oh my God, your hair is so beautiful. Can I touch it? OK. And I will say to this day like she was just like, OK, first off, I know, you don't know how offensive that is.
So she's like, I'm not gonna be mad at you because you were like, so sweet that I know you're not trying to be a dick about it, but that is really offensive. But yes, you can touch it because I know you're also just purely curious. Like my, my curiosity gets the best of me. So I, I try to say that first now of hey, if this is a dick move, if this is like a, a bad question, please just ignore it or hey, I don't understand enough about this topic.
Can I ask you these questions? And it's almost asking permission and owning that? I don't know. So they know I'm not trying to undermine them and also try not to put that intellectual burden on someone because it's not everybody's responsibility to tell me why you can't touch a woman's hair with black hair like a black woman's hair. There you go.
Rina JD, Jenn Junod
Put it in the right order if it's not.
Rina JD
But you said so much right there like there was that was so loaded like that was good like that. First of all, thank you. Thank you for sharing. I'm gonna thank you for your audience. Thank you for sharing. That was very brave and everyone is not able to, I don't know if you've ever shared that before, but that was so good. There was so much there, right?
And if I were your coach, which this is not a coaching environment right now. But if I were your coach, there are certain triggers that I heard, which is why I was kind of writing like, oh my God, what? So as a coach, just to give you a little backstory as a coach, we're trained to hear what's not being said. So it's like, yes, I listen to what you're saying, but I also hear the holes.
So it's like, and it stands out to me like like blaring sirens, it stands out to me. So the let's go back to the cup, right? You said I'm drinking tea and you said this is porcelain and it holds tea and, and your mom will say a coffee cup. Well, why would she say coffee if you're drinking tea? You know what I'm saying? So there's so many layers to that, that I know that you, that anyone, not even just you, anyone would struggle with, especially because when we're born to our parents,
they're the ones that are sworn to protect us and to keep us safe and where we learn, right? The good things about ourselves and learn how our behavior should be. So the fact that not only did she dismiss I'm drinking tea, mom, I'm not drinking coffee. You know, so she could have had a teacup because think about it, if you're, if you're drinking and you say this thing here, it holds tea and she said ho a teacup.
How would you take that versus a coffee cup? You know what I mean? So it's like just those slight jabs after a while it starts to get tender. Right? And then the part where you said you, when you were in Idaho and you were, wanted to touch some there, which I think it's so funny because I've, I've had that happen before, which is why I laughed, giving that preamble of if this is a dick move, then just to dismiss it, yes, you're giving someone permission to overlook your naivety.
However, you're also kind of punching yourself in the gut because it's like you're kind of presenting it as I'm not quite as not that you're saying this, but I'm saying this is how it presents. I'm not quite as sophisticated as you. So it's OK if you wanna just dismiss me and really, that's not what it is.
You're just asking a question and it's ok to ask a question and it's equally ok for them to say that they don't want to answer that question, but it is never ok for you to dismiss yourself before. You've even given yourself an opportunity to speak.
Jenn Junod
I appreciate that and I appreciate the feedback. I am also curious with. Is there another way that you would suggest being able to give someone the opportunity to back out of the question? Because a lot of the questions I asked can be very, can put someone on the defense without disarming them first. Hm.
Rina JD
So if that be the case, I would say maybe in your word choices. So if I were gonna say something that I feel like might be a little like, hey, in your face, and I would say I'm gonna ask you a question, you know, please don't take it the wrong way. That is not dismissing me, that's not dismissing you. But that's just kind of telling em, brace yourself something as simple as I'm gonna ask you a question, please don't take it the wrong way.
And then, hey, what is it like? Like your skin looks like milk? Do you? Does your skin feel like milk? That's some of the silliest stuff. But, but literally some people may think silly stuff like they may, you know, I think one of the, you know, people will say something silly like, you know, do you taste like brown cinnamon or something? You taste like cinnamon? Do you taste like I'm just, I'm making it up, I'm making it up.
Rina JD, Jenn Junod
I was like my head just went to like cannibalism this like if you lick yourself, do you taste like chocolate again?
Rina JD
For me? I'm one of those. I'm a sad like I said, so we can kind of take people at face value and I'll look at them like bless your heart. Yeah, like no, we don't taste like chocolate. No, I don't taste like cinnamon. I am a human being. I taste like a person. It's like you taste like a person and no, you cannot, you do not have a mission to eat me. So I'll just kind of diffuse it that way.
Right. But just giving, giving, giving them, giving them that piece. I'm gonna ask you a question and I hope you don't take it the wrong way or don't take it, please don't take it the wrong way. And then if they do be like, oh, like if they just like gas and it's just like that bad but like, OK, didn't mean it that way. But I just wanted to ask, I felt like I needed to ask because again, we're working with people that are dealing with their own internal stuff.
So you can precursor it all you want, they're gonna perceive it the way that they're gonna perceive it just because they ha they have their own stuff going on, they have their own struggles that has kind of limited their belief system. So now there's certain things that will trigger, no matter how much you precursor it, it's gonna trigger. If it's gonna trigger, it's gonna trigger, period.
Jenn Junod
I'm letting that one sink in a bit. It's, I appreciate you going through and giving that example and something that is an actionable item that I can work on doing in the future. I mean, even now, but I mean, can't go back and do it. But yeah, it's it's, it's definitely something that I would say feedback is, something that I learned, from, an old VP in sales is that feedback is always a gift. It's a present. You don't have to keep it. Right. Yeah. But people are gonna give it to you.
Rina JD
It's true. And the thing about it is for me, I can relate to so much of this, the things that you're saying and a lot of the things that my clients deal with because I've gone through so much in my day and I've witnessed so much in my short years that I've been here, on this planet. And I pay attention. Another thing about being a sage is that we're very nosy people and I'm ok with that.
I am a nosy person. I'm a plunderer. So if I listen, if I come to your house and you leave me there for any given time, I'm gonna go through your drawers. I just, I'm just, I'm gonna say it, I promise you, I'm not gonna steal anything. But I'm gonna look because I'm curious, I can't help but the curiosity overwhelms me at times when I at times where I really wanna just kind of refrain from doing it.
I'm looking like what's in that drawer? That drawer looks cool. Wonder what's in there. Hey, what's in that drawer? You're not gonna answer. Ok, I'm gonna just look for myself. Ok? Thank you. It's like it's one of those things where you don't do it on purpose. It's just one of those things. I just have to know, overwhelmed you.
Jenn Junod
Ah, but it is so relatable. I, I have gone to people's houses where I'm like, so can I just open your doors and I'll be like, and, like, I can't, it's just, it's such a cool dresser or like, such a cool, like, you know, it just, it's in the living room or like they just have cold doors and I'm like, yeah, can I have a tour? I just want to see what your house looks like, what it looks like. Yeah. Can I open the closets?
Rina JD, Jenn Junod
And they're like, why do you wanna open the, because I want to know how the closet set up to see what it looks like.
Rina JD
I'm not gonna take anything. I just wanna see it.
Jenn Junod
Yeah, I'm like, I'm not gonna judge you if it's messy. I just want to see it. I just wanna see it. Yeah, I can relate to that so deeply.
Rina JD
Yeah. You see, that's what I'm saying. Like it's just, it's, it's ok. We are, we're human beings and we're quirky and we're insecure in some things. We're vulnerable. We, we rise, we fall, we smile, we cry, we're human and it's ok to be human. We just have to give ourselves that space to be human and it's, we're so judgmental, so judgmental and it's, it's this, it's society, it's n nature it's nurture, meaning our families and it's just so many things that are just kind of come at us
from all angles. We do a phenomenal job just having platforms like this where people can be like, you know, what do you mean to tell me that? I'm OK that I get a little nervous when I get in rooms full of people and have to. Yes, sweetie. Yes, sugar. You are perfectly fine. The key is not to get stuck there if you're ever working, if you're always trying to kinda take a look in that mirror, like, ok, what did you do to try to fix this today or what did you do to try and improve on your situation?
That that's half the battle again. You have to at least recognize that part, right? That recognize those pieces because once you have given yourself permission to be your great quirky plundering inquisitive self, all of these other things will just kind of melt away because it's now you can, how are you gonna judge someone that already knows who they are and what they are? I don't care. Doesn't bother me. You can judge me about being a p my, listen, my, I'm the youngest.
You're, you're the only child, I'm the youngest. So all my siblings were like significantly older than me. Like 1011 years is the closest one. So when I came through, I didn't care. I, I would go to my brother's house and go in his cabinet. His wife was like, what is she doing? And he was like, oh, that's just what she does. And I'm like, yeah, you don't like it then? Don't invite me over.
Rina JD, Jenn Junod
Yeah, I love it.
Jenn Junod
I love it. And we, we only have about 15 minutes left and I know we were gonna be talking, oh, my gosh. Yeah. And I know we wanted to talk a bit about, women in communication yet we went a completely different direction. So I wanna leave it up to you. What would is there anything that we missed that you really did want to talk about?
Rina JD
I would wanna say the one thing that I would like to say to all of the women that are listening. I call you my sisters, whether you're a sister from another mister, whether you're you know, brown skinned sister, Polka dot Paisley, whatever you are, find your voice and it's OK for you to speak up and to take care of yourself, right? We as women are often vilified when we pursue anything pleasurable, whether it be intimate pleasure, whether it be personal pleasure, whether it be just
taking a freaking coffee break from the kids and not whether you have Children or whether you don't, whatever it is, we get vilified for pursuing pleasure. Whereas with men, it's like, oh yeah, man, you deserve a beer spec to kick your feet up. Let let the wife go out there and get yourself, get yourself a plate because this whole system of the family unit, the, the perception is the men are the provider, the women are the servers and that's it.
But we, as women need to find our voice and it doesn't have to be abrasive, doesn't have to be offensive, but it needs to be efficient. It needs to be effective, it needs to be direct. Find your voice, take the time. You know, if you find yourself being overwhelmed, if you find yourself being burned out, if you find yourself feeling like what this, this question that someone asked me and I'm gonna ask you this question because I wanna see your response.
Right? You ready? It's not a hard question but someone asked me this question and it paused me like, literally, I'm a talker but it paused me. Simple. What do you do for fun,
Jenn Junod
puzzles, gaming, refurbishing, sleeping. And my, my podcast is fun for me. It is hard work yet. It is fun.
Rina JD
Uu A plus a plus because at least you had an answer when I had that question. It was, well, what do you do for fun? I was like, I took the kids. Well, no, that's not fun. I went with the, no, that's not fun. I had nothing. I had nothing. I didn't know what kind of music I liked. I didn't know what I didn't know I had. No, I didn't even know what I was like, what's good music right now?
I didn't know because I, I had taken so much away from myself and a lot of that comes with the family unit too. So for some of my single sisters, it might be a little bit different, but I just, I had no idea. None. And I finally was like, you know, what, get it together. And I did, I did. I said, you know what? No, no, we're not doing that today. I'm doing this.
Jenn Junod
I know for myself, like, what you're saying is so relatable, just even on a worthiness level because before Tyler, every single guy I've ever dated, I would just conform to them. I liked what they liked. And when I didn't have a partner, I would conform to work works my life and I would give too much to work that work. Who's never gonna give that back to you like, literally ever.
Yeah, I would give it my all to work. And I will say I took a, a course in 2018 with Matthew Hussey and it really started, it talked about what like your inner child and starting to like, start the conversations that we're having now. And I just started dating Tyler and he thought I loved off roading and, you know, I was a pothead and, you know, like I can't smoke, like at all.
Like I just, I hate it. I wish I could, y'all live in Colorado so don't come at me like it's legal here. And it's also like, I don't like off roading. It stresses me out like it, it like, literally, I'll just tense up and be like, we're gonna die, we're gonna die. We're gonna, he's a great driver. I just, I stress out so bad on it and I had to learn who I was yet in that process.
Yes, I got into a healthy relationship yet. My work relationships were still incredibly toxic and it wasn't until November 2020 when I had to have my craniotomy. They had, I had to take a month off. Like, that was the first time I've ever had time off of work, like, for that long. And I couldn't really do anything. And I was like, what do I like to do?
Because I actually had free time and I wasn't putting it into work. Like, they couldn't contact me for a month. And I was like, I like video games. I like walks. I like, I like puzzles and I like art and it took time to really discover more of what I liked. But also keep with a hobby because for myself I've picked up so many hobbies that I spend a lot of money on them and then I give them up and so something that Tyler taught me is put time into something before money.
So, for example, art supplies or refurbishing furniture, I started off with just learning enough about it, maybe investing 50 bucks for tools and then going, oh, I do like this or no. No, I don't like it at all. No. Take it, take it, go away. And it wasn't something that came naturally to me. And I feel like that to your point is so many women and also mothers and for myself, I know, especially women in the tech field and, or in sales.
Rina JD
Yes. Well, if any, any position of power, authority, professionalism, I don't care if you're a baker. If you're a chef in the kitchen, walk into a kitchen and see everyone with white coats on and, and there's a male and a female and I bet you they'll talk to the man before the female assuming that he's the head chef.
Jenn Junod
I don't know much about kitchens, but now I know just to ask for the head chef.
Rina JD
Yeah. Yeah, because the assumption is always surgery. Think about it. Doctors, performing surgery. There was a joke, about, it was on the Cosby Show years ago and I don't know if you heard it but it was, there was, the Johnson family. I'm just making up a name. I don't remember, but it was the Johnson family. They, they were in a car crash, the, the, the father and son were, were driving a car, they got into a car crash, the father died on the scene, the son, they rushed him to the
hospital and when they brought him to the surgeon, the surgeon said I cannot perform this surgery because this is my son. And the, yeah, and then they were like, they were like, what, how is that even possible? And literally could not understand like, well, maybe the dad didn't really die or may.
And then of course, the mom was like, you silly man. Had it ever occurred to you that that was the young son's mother that was a surgeon. He was like, oh, it's just like the assumption is just always that because that's just what we're taught.
Rina JD, Jenn Junod
That's just what we're taught and, and talking to the male audience.
Jenn Junod
How do you, because e especially for women voting rights, it that women voting rights wouldn't have happened without male support. Yes. Yes. They were very, very strong women and I'm so grateful because many of them sacrificed themselves for us to have the right to vote.
And this is the same type of thing for the, to be able to shut down systemic racism or discrimination against the LGBT Q plus community. They need to have allies and we need men to be our allies and supportive of embracing women. How would you suggest they do?
Rina JD
So, I would say that it starts with their own perception, don't always be, be very conscious of your perception of women and how you yourself and treat them. So if you're dismissive or if you find yourself dismissing women's feelings or not feeling like they're valid in their points or really not understanding them. You have to start there, period.
You can say ally all you want. But if you don't unders understand, understand how someone feels or if you don't understand, say you don't understand, you know, try to get that level of understanding, you may not ever be able to 100% relate. But at least if you give them the grace of being like, you know what, I really don't get it, but that sounds horrible.
Just being able to care enough to understand what it is to literally be judged based on your appearance, to be judged based on the perception of you. Not even what's reality, just a perception of who you are being in that position is horrible. So it starts with them taking the effort, making the effort to actually make sure what that their ideals and that their thought process towards women are that of support and that of actual, of being being a human being and being, you know,
someone that is worthwhile and giving that charge, giving that that support. Once you have that, then the rest will be a lot easier because then if they hear something, they'll recognize it, they'll recognize those, those guy talks that happened. You know what I mean? They'll recognize if someone's being dismissed. If she, if there's a, in a, in a work environment and you know, Katie gave that suggestion but they didn't hear it.
And so John said it, it's like, wait a minute, but Katie just said the same thing. Why can't you give her the credit? Just like that type of stuff? Just being cognizant, being aware, raise your own awareness of what your perception is and the rest should follow suit.
Jenn Junod
I'm really letting that one sink into because that's especially in the work environment. That's a place that I've really seen my voice get a hidden and lost that. It's, it's very important for our allies to be like, well, wait a minute, Jen just said that. So Jen, hey, can you continue what you, your thought process and then tell you what comes I have.
Rina JD
Well, we're a team. So in a team environment, that's just, you know, that's the expectation and we work together as a team. That could very well be true, but that's still her idea.
Jenn Junod
Yeah. Yeah, I have been there many, many times and I, I would say that I am fortunate enough to be in a healthy relationship. Don't get me wrong. All relationships have we have our issues, we miscommunicate yet. There are, there's so many times where especially with my past trauma, I still have triggers. There are times where he can be like, look at me funny and I'll cry because for some reason, bad day, I'm dealing with shit that came up from my past at the same time I know with my
partner, I can run to him for everything if I need to and something that we've really learned with our balance and especially when it's like the podcast stuff or something like for work, he'll be like, you're an independent, bad bitch. Go get it. And he, he reminds me of that I am me, I'm not just an US and that is something that I very, very value in our
relationship that I never felt in a single relationship, even with like parental units to just be myself and I am strong by myself. And I can still be in a relationship and be myself too.
Rina JD
Being accepted, being validated is important.
Jenn Junod
It is, it is. And II, I know we only have a few minutes left. So you talking about the for women to have a voice? I know that was a really key part of this conversation. Are there any other words of wisdom that you would want to give our audience?
Rina JD
Words of wisdom? Oh my gosh.
Jenn Junod
If you wanna think about it, II, I can pause and you know, ask for the donation.
Rina JD
No, I was gonna just say just, you know, a lot of it just has to be just be, be compassionate like in all of this. If we're compassionate and we are accepting, you may not agree. That's the thing people misunderstand, they feel like acceptance is agreement. That's not the same thing because I accept the fact that you don't smoke. That doesn't mean that I agree with the fact that you don't smoke, that just means that OK, that's your choice.
And I accept that. So being able to accept people that we involve ourselves with or that we interact with is pivotal. It's, it's so integral for any type of relationship to be able to understand that, that we are gonna have difference of opinion, whether we're in an intimate relationship or whether we're professionals or whether we're just strangers on the street, interacting, there's going to be differing opinions and that's what makes the world go around.
We're different. Hello? If we were all the same, it would be quite boring. So accept that, accept people for who they are and don't put your expectations on project, your, your expectations on other people. Accept them for who they are, show them grace and you, your communication will be so much better for it.
Jenn Junod
I love that. And real quick because especially Rena and I were talking about this during our intro call as a pause really quick. If you're enjoying hearing this shit, time and time again, changing shit you don't want to talk about into shit to talk about. We really need your support.
Please donate. And it's on our link tree in our Instagram on Facebook, Twitter, tiktok, and it's link tree forward slash shit to talk about. And that is how you can donate and follow along the podcast now, Rena, how do people reach out to you?
Rina JD
Same Lint Tree? And it's Rina JD and it's just that Rin AJ D on Lint Tree and all are there. So that's gonna be simple and easy.
Jenn Junod
I love Link tree. It makes life so easy and last but not least gratitude. But what is something that you're grateful for?
Rina JD
I am grateful for, I'm grateful for being me. I'm grateful for being my myself. I'm grateful for II, I love the curiosity of my nature. So I'm grateful for being accepting of myself, for grow, having grown into a person where even with my quirkiness and with my difference, differences of opinion and being my wacky saggy self. I, I am so grateful for just being myself. I wouldn't wanna be anybody else
Jenn Junod
and to follow that one up, I don't think I can. I am grateful for just recovering from surgery. It's been a hard process and I am so grateful for it and thank you Rina for being on the show.
Rina JD
Thank you for having me. Appreciate you.
Jenn Junod
Bye bye.
Jenn Junod
Hello again. Beautiful human. What did you get out of today's episode? We'd love to hear what was most impactful to you. We all know someone that could have really used this episode so please send it their way. Remind them that they're not alone. Stay tuned for new episodes every Wednesday. Here's a few ways that we could really use your support.
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