S1 E3 Shit2TalkAbout Vulnerability Means Bravery with Ryan Braves
Transcript was AI generated, if there are mistakes, please let me know! Thank you in advance! Jenn Junod
Thank you for joining. Shit. You don't want to talk about as it says in the title. This is shit you don't want to talk about this can have explicit content. We do cuss and we don't censor and it could be content that's not suitable for kids under the age of 13. That being said, kiddos, please ask your parents to listen. If you want to listen to one of these episodes.
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We do wish you the best and we really want to have this podcast out there to change shit. You don't want to talk about to shit to talk about. So we all have help and no longer feel alone. Much love. Enjoy the episode. Thank you for joining shit. You don't want to talk about Ryan. What are some things you want to talk about and please introduce yourself.
Ryan Braves
Hey, everybody. Thanks for having me on the show. Number one. for me, as I told you before, off camera, I'm an open book when it comes to everything I once wasn't like that. So for today, I know people in the audience they want to hear about things that I may have went through and we could talk about my family. My upbringing was really rough, but that's what allowed me to be who I am today.
We could talk about finances and struggles because I once upon a time, slept in my car. So I think we can go there as well. So I'm an open book, I want to answer any questions because if we could just help 1 to 10,000 people out there, avoid some of these struggles or if they're in a place of struggle, they can kind of right the path. And I think my life is a good example of that.
Jenn Junod
Thank you Ryan. And what do you do now? Just so people before we dive into the past, what are you up to nowadays?
Ryan Braves
Yeah. So I, I call myself a serial entrepreneur. The reason why as I have many different businesses. So I love a whole bunch of different things, but I have a business in the health and wellness space. I also have a business where I coach married businessmen and entrepreneurs in the self development, personal development space.
I help them not only grow their business but also be the husband and father. They were supposed to be in their call to be. And then I obviously I have investments in franchises and things of that nature.
Jenn Junod
So, so we got the, the, now you, let's let's go back to, you know, how did I don't even know where to start because of our intro calls and talking before we got started. There's, there's a lot of, yeah, there's a lot of shit there like I would say and to the audience, this is something that when Ryan and I had our intro call that really caught my eye or ear you could say would be that his family as a whole.
There's no family is perfect by any means, but they are our family and what we learned from them and the struggles that he went through. So I would start, can we start there just telling us a bit about your, your family and your upbringing?
Ryan Braves
Oh For sure, for sure. I mean, I remember and this is kind of crazy to have memories at like two and three years of age. But I the memories that I have at those ages are are explosive memories. Not in a good way, right? Seeing your father arrested, remember sitting on the floor like I remember just clanking these two light bulbs together because my parents were screaming so loud that they shattered.
never being comfortable, like always having this sense of like is today going to be an ok day from a very early age, you know, having a mother that was an alcoholic or I should say still is unfortunately an alcoholic and someone who abuses drugs and then having a father who is and has bipolar disorder and he was in and out of prison. Like even before I was born, but even after I was born. So having that life of this is like I would say it was an unsettled childhood is really where it started
for me. So I saw a lot of stuff that a 2345, 14 year old should have never seen. But all those things in retrospect, as I kind of like reflect on my life and upbringing or all the things that made me who I am today, not just as a business owner and entrepreneur, but as the husband and the father that I am. So I I'm thankful for it now. Although when I was going through it, I was like is this really my life?
Jenn Junod
So and that's I know for myself. I I knew I'd been through a lot of shit like getting solitary confinement in my room for weeks on end and just the abuse from you know, physical abuse. I went through an emotional abuse for myself. Oh gosh, I am 33 now and it took until my early twenties after my divorce that I was like, oh, hey, I should probably work on my physical health or work through this shit.
And I started going to like self development courses and they, they all really did help yet. I don't know what exactly that trigger was. That was like, hey, to keep going or to take myself from like the mindset of victim to, you know, having the control of where I'm going. So, what, how old were you? Do you have a memory of when that kind of switch went off?
Ryan Braves
You know, it's really funny. People I get asked that on every podcast, I'm on every conversation. I have no matter where I am where I, I get, I get asked that question. It's a great question because a lot of people have this moment where they go. Oh, that's it. I'm done with the before and now it's time to focus on the after. For me. I guess I could, I, I don't, I didn't have that much creativity.
I didn't have that much foresight. So I didn't really know exactly where I wanted to go. Right. I just knew that I didn't want to go in a direction. I knew I didn't want to be addicted to drugs. I knew I didn't want to be addicted to alcohol. I knew I didn't want to end up in prison. I knew I didn't want to have financial struggles that my parents had.
I knew I didn't want to have a relationship that was explosive that ended up in the cops coming down. So I knew everything I didn't want and I was hell bent on making sure those things didn't happen. So by being really focused on that, it just started to lead to other things because I just never went in the wrong direction, so to speak.
Jenn Junod
That, that makes a lot of sense. And I would my partner Tyler, he, he's lived his life very similarly. He didn't want to end up like XYZ. And he is such an amazing man that I am so grateful for him. And it, that's a lot of the way he led his life and how he found much more stability and yet he and I have talked about it.
That's not something that he consciously necessarily did. Like I don't want to go to prison. So I'm going to focus on school like that wasn't like a, you know, trade one off. Did you ever when you were focusing on not doing any of those? What were you focusing on doing?
Ryan Braves
I, I was always just focusing on just taking a step in the right direction, right? So I'll never forget, I think I was maybe 10 or 11 years old. So at that point, my parents were split and they had been split for a while. So I was living with my mother and my stepfather, which again was not a good relationship because of her alcohol and drug abuse.
So I would see my father, about once a month on the weekends. But, but every year I was really into baseball. So I'd get promised that we were gonna go to Florida. Like when the weather was cold here in New York, we were gonna go to Florida during spring training for the Yankees. Like that was a big thing I look forward to and I forget my father is like, ok, we're gonna go, we're gonna go, we're gonna go.
So, like, I'm super excited and then I'll never forget. I was sitting on the stairs and we, and he calls me, he's like, hey, we can't go. And that was like to a 10 year old or 11 year old at the time was, it was a huge let down and he said we can't go because I don't have the money to go because I owe someone money and I'm not working right now. So that was one of those times where I said, ok, I, I'm never going to have many issues.
I'm never going to be in this position. So I didn't know what that looked like going forward. But when I graduated high school, I said, ok, what's the thing I know to do best right now? I think it's go to college because that's what I hear that you're supposed to do. So I went and did that. And then I went and got more schooling and then I went and opened up a business.
So it was like, I just was taking one step in the right direction at a time while failing at everything I was doing along the way and just learning from it and just keep, I just kept pushing forward step by step. I, I, the one thing, the one overarching thing I would say is I just never quit on myself and that's powerful is never quitting on yourself.
Jenn Junod
And there are two questions that came up from what you just said, but they take us in totally different directions. So I'm gonna share both and we'll wrap back around to the second one for those of us who have family members or inherit family members or are around friends and family that come from have those
broken promises like you were when you were a little kid, how do you learn, how did you learn to deal with them and accept them for who they are and still accept them in your life?
Ryan Braves
Yes. So I think, I think with, with some of them depending upon who they are and where they are in your life, you can love someone from a distance, right? So you could have love for them and, and show them love for a distance, but they don't have to operate daily in your life because they start to operate daily in your life and that's their behavior pattern.
They start to steal from your potential. So I, I think that's really important and then to under and the other part of it for me was not to set expectations based upon what they may be telling you. So I learned how to set proper expectations and not, and not set these high expectations and then become very disappointed when they wouldn't come to fruition. So, so in subsequent years, if my dad would say, hey, we're gonna go here, I would say I hear you and thank you for saying this is like
the 11 year old version of me. Thank you for saying it. I hope it does happen. But I'm not going to be disappointed if it doesn't because I already know the possibility there and that and that and that literally goes to, you know, I mean, two years ago, if my mom says I'm gonna send your kids a Christmas gift, I don't need the gift, right? Like I'm not in a position where I need the gift, but I don't expect that that's gonna actually show up. So I'm not disappointed when it doesn't.
Jenn Junod
That, that definitely makes sense. And thank you for sharing that. I think getting our hopes up is something that we all do and, and you know, those expectations that we may have for our ourselves and wanting to believe what people are telling us.
Jenn Junod, Ryan Braves
It's very naive yet, I think it's also very hopeful that so to that point, hope is a beautiful thing.
Ryan Braves
Like with, with lack of hope, you, you lose the will for life. I mean, no matter what it is, right, whether it goes with sickness or disease or relationships or your future financially or whatever, if you don't have hope, it's like what's the point of this thing? So I think hope is a beautiful thing that everyone should embody and everyone should have.
But I also think setting proper expectations with the data you already have based upon past experience is really important. So you can, you can like my brother again, I tell you, I think, I think I should mention before he's addicted to heroin, right? I hope, I hope one day he won't be, I hope one day he'll be clean. I hope one day he'll be involved in my life and the life of my kids.
But I don't set the expectation that's going to happen. December 31st, 2020 whatever I have hope that it will, but I don't expect that it will because he's been doing that for the past decade of his life. So I'm I'm very clear on what those expectations should be based upon the data. I've already been given.
Jenn Junod
That definitely makes sense. I think that that is easier said than done. So where would you suggest people start on that? Or any resources that you would suggest people can use to learn how to start on that.
Ryan Braves
I don't know if I have a resource honestly. This is just like I'm very analytical and I also live a lot in self reflection in a conscious place. Like I'm always like this happened. What went well? What didn't go well? What can I do better to improve? So I'm constantly analyzing things that happened in my life, life of my family, clients, whatever that is.
So I think being able to put your life in perspective and just reflect on what's happening, what has happened and what you want to see happen in the future. And starting with that, I call just living a, a more conscious life will start that process for you.
Jenn Junod
Dig it. Thank you. And I, I've mentioned in previous podcast or previous episodes that at least for myself when the expectations and changing mindsets, it's just starting little and also being like self compassionate of that didn't go as planned. I still got super excited and logically, I, I like to detach the logic from the emotion granted. It is a lot different for each individual.
I logically can know that that won't happen yet. Emotionally, I still get tied and over time with, with practice the two combined where I'm like, OK, I'm not attached to it, but I'm not dismissing it, which is two totally like the two together. I'm like, cool. I can let them in your example, send Christmas presents if they want, but I'm not gonna go hype everybody up for doing so.
Ryan Braves
Exactly. Yes. Yes. And what, what I also realized just like in the nature of like, what I do for a living. Right. If I have a client, I hope that client earns $20 million a year. I hope they are father of the year and husband of the year II. I genuinely hope that. Right. But I also know if they don't put in the work to get there, that those things are not gonna happen. And when I've come to that terms with that, I'm not attached to the end result, right?
I know I know I need to do to help them. But inevitably it's up to them to make those choices and make those sacrifices to make it happen. So I always have hope, always with every client interaction with every person I speak to. I have hope, but I also won't become to your, using your words. I think you did it fantastic is become attached letting my self worth or my mood or my environment be beated by the outcome.
Jenn Junod
That is, it's very interesting before I started this podcast. If somebody bailed on me on a meeting, I would be so upset. I would go out of my way to reschedule with them and I would put in all this effort and feel so crushed like it was something against me. Now, if somebody doesn't show up for one of their intro calls within five minutes, I just end the call and I'm like, whatever, if they don't show up for an interview, I'm like me, whatever wasn't meant to be.
I, I find that so fascinating because that is so different than how I used to be because I was so attached to the outcome and something else that you said about the men, your coaching of, you can give them all their resources, but they're the ones who have to do the work to dig in a little deeper there. And I think that all people, no matter, you know, what their background is or what they're doing in life are, are leaders in their own way and have influence over some, over others and over
themselves. That I, that is a big reason why I'm asking this next question of how did you learn the point that you can give someone all the resources? But it's their responsibility and what do you do if they don't take responsibility? And I'm not even saying in a business aspect because that's pretty easy. You can, you know, choose to still take their money. But in a life aspect, like if you're giving people resources and they don't take it, how do you handle that?
Ryan Braves
Yeah. So a few different things I was, I love that you went there. That's exactly where I was going to go at the end of the day. Here's what used to happen to your point. Right. I would give people these resources, they wouldn't achieve the goal, whatever the goal was. Right. A monthly income goal or changing their schedule goal or whatever, with their wife, whatever it was, they wouldn't achieve it.
And I'd be like, oh my God, what can I do better? Can I text them? Can I hold them more accountable? Can I give them more stuff? Can I tell them to read these books? Can I bring them to one of my conferences? Can I, what can I do? And then I started to realize that no, I'm doing the best. I know how to do and it works because it works for other people, but they're not choosing to put in the work.
So then what I said to myself was, I can't care about them more than they care about themselves and putting in the work to achieve the goals. So from that perspective, I became, I, I was able to become detached from the end result. Now, I am very transparent with all my clients. I say I'm gonna give you tools and strategies, not just that were written in a book 10 years ago, the ones that I do myself personally and with other clients.
So I know they work, but if you don't use them, it won't work for you. And that's it, you're gonna end up paying me to not get a result because you're holding yourself back now at a coaching call yesterday person was supposed to do XYZ thing, didn't do any of them and got on the phone and apologized to me and I'm like, don't apologize to me. You not doing those things didn't change my life one bit. Not one bit. So I have very real conversations with people on a regular basis.
So what that distilled down to was he felt bad for not doing the things because he didn't want to disappoint me. But that really came from a place of him not wanting to disappoint his father when he was a little kid. So he had this deep embedded things as to why he's behaving a certain way right in present time to unpack those things for people to allow them to move past those blocks. I hope that made sense. It definitely did.
Jenn Junod
It definitely did. And I that I, I think that actually leads back to, when I said I had two questions earlier. This is actually a really, really good point that they collide is how you're talking about that. He didn't want to disappoint his dad on so many of us either we get society or our parents or something gets stuck in our head that if we don't live life X way that we're not worthy or we're not gonna be able to ever achieve.
And the question that came up earlier for me when you were talking about going to school and things is that it the, the mindset is changing that everybody needs to go to school. I am curious about your experience with entrepreneurship and your coaching and success. Do you see that school is required for it?
Ryan Braves
No, no, school is not required. I mean, so it's funny. I have three boys, a four year old, a two year old and a nine month old. He just turned nine months yesterday. So my kids will not be pressured to go to college, right? What, what the, the guidance that I will give is, what do you want to do? And how do you think you can get there? And if school is part of that equation?
So if someone, one of my sons say, hey, I want to be a doctor. Well, schools require you, you need a license to do that. If another one says I'm making this up, I just want to make a lot of money. You don't have to go to school to do that. If another one says I just want to be happy, you don't have to go to school to do that. So there, there are many different ways and pathways in which you can achieve whatever the goal is.
But I would say like, what do you want and then reverse reverse engineer that and the school is part of the process. OK? But no, I to answer your question, I do not think school is a, a necessary thing, especially now because now it's not just go to high school, get a four year degree. Now it's like go to high school, get a four year degree and if you don't get your masters, you have no shop kind of a thing.
II, I think it's been this dogmatic thing where people are spending hundreds of hundreds of thousands of dollars to get a certificate of paper where they're not even working in that field and then they can never get out of that hole of those monthly tuition. And, but I'm not, not to go to school. I'm just saying be clear if that needs to be part of your path.
Jenn Junod
I think that and, and thank you for that. That has been something that I personally struggled with because, to your idea of reverse engineering, what you want to do in life, what I wanted to do in life, did it really exist at all? Because like my own personal driver has making, making sure other people don't feel alone in connecting other people and there's no job that necessarily has ever fulfilled that.
Like I'm really good at sales. I've gotten like top sales, you know, trophies and stuff like that. But that doesn't mean that just because I'm good at it doesn't mean that I love it and it fulfills me. And I, I specifically asked about the school part because I'm a high school dropout and I've tried to go to college. Many, many times it's not my learning technique and it's not something that has ever connected to me because it's very streamlined, like you have to do XY and Z to get your
degree. And I think something that's very powerful about what you're talking about is that we all have our own different journey and there's different resources out there to be able to get to that next step, to find out more information. And I just really wanted to call that out because that is something that I think so many people struggle with. And I love the fact that you brought it up that, that drove you to get out of the situation.
You were growing up. I am curious to kind of pivot us into relationships. A lot of us, our parents influence how we date and how we treat others. How did you see that experience show up for you and especially drive you to want to be like the husband and father that you are today?
Ryan Braves
Yeah. So another great question. I didn't even know what a relationship was supposed to actually look like because I didn't grow up with any kind of functional relationship in place, right? I mean, mother, father got divorced when I was, I think 2.5 years old, dad was in my life, like on the weekends or every other weekend, they hated each other.
They fought all the time, like who's paying for, you know, school clothes this year. Who's not? So, that was a disaster. And then watching my mother and stepfather, I mean, when I tell you that the police were at my house on a weekly basis, they'd be like, oh, hey, like I knew who the officers were. So, I'm like, that's not a good relationship.
And then my stepfather would leave if my mother was drunk and then my stepfather kicked my mother out of the house and I was living with my stepfather, I had no idea. And then you watch TV. And you're like, oh, maybe that's how a relationship is supposed to be. So, then I get into my first relationship and it was a disaster. It was a disaster. Like my ex-girlfriend was a disaster.
And doesn't, this doesn't make her a bad person. It means we were really bad together. We dated for a really long time for seven years. But going through that enabled me to know what I actually, again, what I didn't want. And then when I found my wife and I started dating my wife and I started having those conversations. I was like, oh, this is what it's supposed to feel like because it's none of the things that I grew up seeing.
So it was everything that was the opposite of that. And it was amazing. I mean, like people, I tell this people all the time and people think like, you're crazy. I don't think my wife and I had our first like, argument, like not disagreement, people disagree all the time, but our first argument until I think we were married for like two years.
I'm not saying every relationship has to be like that. But what I'm saying is that it shouldn't be so difficult. You shouldn't have massive fundamental differences and expect the relationship to actually be smooth and work in the right direction. So, Yeah, II, I did, I didn't have a role model as to how a relationship should be. So for me now with my sons, it is really important to create that. So they don't have to go through the pain that I went through to have what I have now, right?
I set a good example in my household with my wife. So they can see that love that affection the way you're supposed to treat a woman, what you're supposed to do. That person happens to be their mother obviously. So it's like, like really in their face, like they're learning by like what's happening in action and thank you for that.
Jenn Junod
Did you struggle with your own self worth? You know, growing up and having going into a relationship or did you have an idea of having to be like the tough guy in a relationship? Like, how did that look with your first girlfriend?
Ryan Braves
Yeah, I would say the blessing I had is I didn't have confidence issues because I was a really good athlete growing up. So that was my escape from everything in life. That was my escape from my rough household. That was my escape from like not wanting to be in school and things like that. Like I was, I was a good athlete so people were, were drawn towards me. So I didn't really have that problem to be perfectly honest with you. So I would say my confidence was shaken in that relationship
because my then, you know, my now ex-girlfriend, she would be like, you're not what you think you are, you're not all that, you're not. So she gave me a lot of negative, you know, criticism and negative reinforcement. So then I was like, oh, wait a minute and I didn't buy into it too much because I just thought she wasn't the best person in the world. But, but I got that I got that stuff in the relationship for sure.
Jenn Junod
E especially coming up from a background of addiction and with your father being bipolar, have you seen any of that show up in yourself?
Ryan Braves
So II, I think everyone's addicted to something, right? So depending upon just because it's not a substance doesn't mean you don't have an addiction. So for me for a very long period of time, I would say I was addicted to work, I was addicted to success. I was addicted to achieving certain goals. I was addicted to fitness, right? I was, I, I wore like this badge of honor. Like I can grind.
So I was addicted to that type of stuff. but nothing, nothing with, like, substance abuse or anything like that. But for sure, I think, I think people have addictions. It's just hopefully, if you are addicted or obsessed with something, right. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing at all. Just hopefully the thing that you are obsessed or addicted to is somewhat productive.
Jenn Junod
How does that? And thank you for that. How does your the grind that you talk about? And so many entrepreneurs talk about it? And the hustle and I know for the podcast, I have a full time job and I do the podcast, like, I'm definitely always like attached to my laptop. It's also something that I've learned for myself that I also need to figure out self care and not be a workaholic because I, I don't know, my workaholism was my addiction as much as it was my escape and where I saw my own self worth. So how do you handle that now to set that example for your sons?
Ryan Braves
I, that, that's an amazing question. So I briefly mentioned I used to wear that as a badge of honor, right? So like if I was working, I mean, there's a place and time in my life where I was working 100 to 100 and 10 hour weeks, I was 28 years old. I had six different business by the way ba barely and I started to develop like actual health problems because of all the stress the businesses weren't going well either.
So, but I was like, I grind, right? Like rise and grind like that whole, like very macho like, like this is what I do. Alpha male. Like I got this now when I hear people preach that or when I, when I, when I hear young entrepreneurs say that's what they wanna do, it literally makes me cringe and I try to do everything in my power to change that frame of reference for them because it doesn't have to be like that.
Like when my wife is the most amazing person ever, when we were dating really early on that mentality that I had actually stole time from us, right? We didn't travel like we should have, we didn't do all that we could have because I was like grind, right? Earn conquer Bill. So I, so now in retrospect, I actually stole time that we can never have back.
And if that's if that's the mindset of a mother or father out there and they're like, I need to earn more, be more, achieve more and you have kids or a partner like you're stealing from somewhere. So what I, what I always tell people is, is you can be really successful, really uber crazy, successful and do it a better way. You don't have to grind, you can follow certain principles and certain systems and certain methodologies and use leverage, build an amazing team, have an amazing culture, perform at a very high level, but still get to enjoy your life. And most importantly, the people in it, if you do it the right way. So II I, I've had a total 180. So for instance, if I find myself where I have a long day, I'm like you messed up. You did something wrong that, that, that caused you to have to do this. So how do I fix that? Where do I need to do?
I need to hire someone else for something I may have been doing. I need to farm that out to a company that could actually do it better than me. Like, so I, I, now if I have that 12 or 15 hour day, I step back and go, I didn't do it right. Whereas in the past I was like 15 hours. Got you. So I, I flip flop there. Great question though.
Jenn Junod
I, I would say for, for that one, for myself, it's a lot of no longer looking for perfection. Like I said, at the beginning of this call, I'm like, ah, so now that I'm finally editing my episodes, we might have feedback and I 100% am not happy about it. I'm not gonna waste the episode though and hopefully by next week I can find something else that's gonna work better.
Yeah, I know that I'm not gonna leave good content out because there were issues because it's not perfect. And that's something that took me a long time to learn. And luckily I have people around me that really support that as well. And at least for myself I've learned that I don't work a linear day. That's not how my, I've ever functioned where you talk about, like, a 15 hour day. I'm like, huh? I did start working at 6 a.m. and I might not have gotten done till 10 p.m. but I probably took
like a two hour nap in between or went and did something for the day because I know for so many different people like that work ethic and those boundaries are different for everyone. And one thing that you mentioned to me, when we first chatted is that you really reply like to all your emails on a certain day and do podcasts on a certain day. And how did you formulate those boundaries and work through those boundaries and kind of figure out what works best for you.
Ryan Braves
So I, I defined what was most important to me and once you define what's most important to you, then everything else falls in its place. So if, if what's most important to me. So case in point, right on a third, technically, if you emailed me on Thursday, I'm not going to respond till Friday because on Thursday at a certain time, I want to have dinner with my family. I want to have bedtime routine with my kids. I could have answered that email, but then I steal from those other things.
So I first defined what's important to me, why it's important to me. And then I built the back and I built everything into that. So like I don't do, like, I don't do anything work related on Saturday or Sunday. There's a lot of shit that needs to get done on Saturday and Sunday. But I've created that boundary but it's not like that, that time is for my family and it's, it's, I'm not, I'm not gonna cross that boundary.
Jenn Junod
How did you learn to set those boundaries yourself? Because not always our boundaries for other people. They, they're there for ourselves. So how did you like actually go? I'm gonna actually keep that boundary. Not oh It's just one email, I'll reply to that one email on Thursday.
Ryan Braves
Yeah, I think and, and again, for me, it comes back to like knowing what's important and then watching myself steal from those important things. So like my wife would never complain if I work late, never, never said anything like it to deal with me. She is yes, 1000%. But when you can see the look on her face and the fact that I know she just wants to spend quality time like that places a burden or placed a burden upon me where I said like, is this what I want to continue to do to her that she
deserves better than that. So I have to reflect on myself and see how I can do it better and make it work differently so that it's all working in the right direction. So like, II I would just look at things like that. And then again, for me, when I, when I had kids, I didn't, I have a very finite time with my kids that actually they want to hang out with me, right?
There's gonna be a period, no matter how close you are, there's gonna be a period of time. My oldest son's gonna go, hey dad, I'm going to go out on a date with that girl, right? And I'm like, damn like, so I know I have a finite period of time like that's like that's in my mind. So I'm not wasting any of that time now. So that, that like li literally, I get up in the morning and I'm like, ok, you have this amount of things to do and you're not stealing from this block of time.
Think get, get it done. Some things you operate with better efficiency and some things you cut out. That's it. And I'm OK with the result, I I'll give you an example. I used to work on Saturdays in the mornings, right? From 8 a.m. until 12. So what that prevented me from doing was taking weekend trips with my then girlfriend, then fiance then life now I made a lot of money on Saturday mornings.
Ok? Like in, in the aggregate, like let's just say Saturdays earned $200,000 for my bottom line. There was this place in time again where I realized I am stealing that time with my wife. So do I want the money or do I want the time and the experience of my wife and I came to this moment like I, I can't get the time and experience back. I could figure out a different way to make the money. So I stopped working on Saturdays and my wife's like, are you gonna really, you're stopping work on
Saturday? I'm like, yeah, and what, what that did for me was that put me in a position where I had to figure out another way and I did and I was able to recapture all of that revenue and that wealth in a shorter work week because it forces you to figure out a solution if it's what you really want to do.
Jenn Junod, Ryan Braves
So for me, it's again, it just comes back into finding what I want, why I want it and how important it is to me and then figuring out the other things, what I'm also starting to hear is and it, it almost like a light bulb for me as you said, that you grew up being an athlete, right?
Jenn Junod
What age did you start being an athlete?
Jenn Junod, Ryan Braves
And what did you do baseball is my man.
Ryan Braves
I was like, what I call myself, like a competent athlete, like my friends would call me to play basketball or football or whatever else. But baseball was my thing. And I saw, I mean, I was, I was young, like, I can remember being three and four and five, like, playing baseball.
Jenn Junod
And were you on teams?
Ryan Braves
I was, I, so before I was injured, I, I ended up having six orthopedic surgeries because I played because I played baseball. But prior to that, like I traveled all over the country playing, and whatnot. Yeah.
Jenn Junod
The reason I mentioned that and I'm bringing that around is something that I know that not everybody is into sports and that's totally fine. I, I never personally played sports and yet the reason I mention it is when asking you these questions, you can just see a, a default of discipline that many, many, many of us do not have. There are times where I don't have that discipline and I'm still learning and it just related back to me in my head.
I'm like sports always teach discipline because you have to be able to play your best. You have to be able to be your best and do what's needed to get done to play your best. And I, I just, I'm, I'm not a sports player. I am so proud of myself for knowing that you have four tries to go 10 yards in football. you know, baseball, it's three strikes, you're out, you know, like that type of stuff.
I get really excited. that I know those, but it is a great analogy of, you know, if you want to play your best, you have to be disciplined to do everything behind the scenes, to do your best. And the same thing goes into when we want to hit our life goals. And I mean, it, and you said that you were into fitness as well. So I know that it goes into fitness and finances.
And eventually, we're going to have a guest on the podcast that actually talks about the emotional attachment to finance, to money and to be able to change those mindsets, which is something that I've worked on. And the question that I have been waiting very, very patiently for it and leading up to for is the fact that you told me in our intro call. And then right before this call started is that you're an open book, you'll share about anything.
You know, I can delete it anywhere. I could probably ask really awkward questions and I feel like you would answer them. But, you know, I don't feel like that today. You never know if you're a guest again. I could ask really awkward questions. I'm down for it. How, how long because I know that you said that there was a turning point. So how long have you been an open book?
Ryan Braves
I would say now, maybe like 4 to 5 years.
Jenn Junod
Ok. And what did you do before you opened up and were vulnerable?
Ryan Braves
No one knew anything, right? Because I was, I adapted from a very early age, right to be able to put up a facade. So for instance, if the cops were at my house because my mother was, you know, drunk or whatever, but my friends were walking down the block, I had to be able to get out of my house and meet them where they were and make it look as though everything was fine.
Right? Or if they were at my house and the school bus came and everyone saw that me jumping on the school bus and be like, everything is fine. So I, I adapted that from a very young age. So I was able to put up this facade as though everything is fine. There's nothing going on back here and when people look at me from the outside, they're like, ok, so he has these businesses, he drives nice cars, he has really nice clothes.
It dawned on me one day or someone that I knew from the gym we got to talking and he's like, oh, your parents aren't like, like ultra wealthy, like you're not, I thought you were like a trust fund kid.
Jenn Junod, Ryan Braves
And I was like, is that a compliment?
Ryan Braves
So I, I didn't, I, I didn't know where he was going with it. But nonetheless, I was like that, that is not what's happening at all. And I've known him for quite some time but he never knew anything. And I said not only am I not that, but here's what I am or where I'm from. And he was like, he didn't say a word, like he was totally, like, jaw dropped. So it was at that point where I said, ok, maybe if I share my story, I could actually help other people with what they're going through in their life
and where they are, be able to move through it and pass it. So when I would hear someone going through a challenge or a struggle, I made the comment that I would say, hey, listen, I understand what you're going through and here's why I understand it. Not just because I understand what you're going through is very superficial. It's like I have no money.
I understand the person's like, you don't really understand, right? Like thanks for saying it, but you don't really. But then I would, when I would say, hey, I know you're going through a difficult financial time right now. Let me share with you a time where I had nothing where I was sleeping out of my car and they're like, you slept in your car.
I'm like I did. And here's what led to that, but here's what came after that. Oh, my business is failing. I'm sorry. To hear that. I understand where you are. Here's the business that failed for me. Here's what it did for me and here's where I, how, how I moved through it and here's where I am now hearing someone go through a bad relationship. Right. Or a problem or a struggle with a parent or drug abuse.
I'd say I understand. Here's why, here's what I did to get through it. Here's where I am now. And those were always, for me, it was like a self gratifying thing because I knew I was actually helping people with those situations. So I just started to share more and more and more and more and more. And now I'm to the point where I'm like, ask and we can go from there.
Jenn Junod
Thank you. That is a couple follow up questions on that. One of this is something I struggle with too, of the fact that I don't want it to sound like I'm comparing or that, you know, what I went through is worse or to be like have it sound like a humble brag? Oh, you know, I went through this but I'm fine. You know, I don't imagine you having that like attitude with it. But how do you can work on the connection side of it to help people instead of it sounding like a humble brag?
Ryan Braves
So I just, what do I want my outcome to be? Right? If I want my outcome to be about me, then it might come off like that or it might come off like that. At least to me, I'm genuinely sharing that story to help them go through what they're going through. So it's, it's not, the story is, is not, it's about me, but it's the reason why I'm telling it is not about me at all. So I just wanted to, I wanted to be there. So they have a point of like immediate reference of like, oh this person that's
standing in front of me or this person that's hearing me goes, oh, that person is going through it too, but that person went through it. That's relatable. OK, I unders I hear what's happening in my life. I'm hearing remnants of that in the story they're telling me and it gives them that thing we started with what gives them hope and that and that's, that's really where I'm coming from. So for me, I'm just thinking more about them in that moment than I am about myself.
Jenn Junod
I hear that and it definitely is something that we've talked about in other episodes of a lot of it is how you're saying it's the outcome. It can also be phrased as your intention with it. Yeah. You know, it's all I purposely want to say it that way though, like in the fact that we all say things very differently, like you live in New York and you're going to have many different
experiences than I do growing up in Idaho. Like I know from the south, like they call shopping carts, something different than shopping carts. I think they call them buggies.
Ryan Braves
They do it. I lived in South Carolina for a long. Ok.
Jenn Junod
So there's that, there's also what you call the bugs that roll up.
Jenn Junod, Ryan Braves
Oh, I, I have heard of this but I, I don't know the word but they are either called roly, poly or potato bugs for anyone listening.
Jenn Junod
I am very interested if you have another phrase where I grew up in Arizona, Idaho and I've lived in Colorado. They're called roly polys guys. I'm just that one. I'm putting my foot down. They're roly polys. They're also like my favorite thing to play with when I was a kid. So definitely want to call out that your outcome can be very similar to your intention. Same way of saying something very similar to each other.
Another part that I really wanted to ask you about and I'm open to, to, you know, doing this exercise together in different ways of seeing what it looks like for you to have that facade. Ask you a question where you have that facade on and then ask you a question where you're being vulnerable and opening up. Would you be down?
Ryan Braves
Sure. Yeah, for sure. Also, can I, can I say one thing on the last question for me as long as I know what's in my heart? When I'm sharing my story, right? Like what, what I know to use your word when I know my intention. If someone else has a different perception of that, that's not on me, that's on them, right? Or if someone, if there was a third party hearing me tell this story and they go, oh he's just sharing that story so he can give a humble plug or a humble brag.
Fuck it. That's, that's not why I'm doing it. That could be your perception as to why I'm doing it. That's on you. Not about me. And I don't, and I don't really think twice about that at all.
Jenn Junod
I like that. I like that. And that is something that I, I definitely say especially when just to bring it back to the like when people no show, I'm just like, fuck it. I get some free time back. OK. So I gotta, I gotta think of a question. How would you to, to hear the facade version? How would you say that you've gotten into the entrepreneur business and your background to get there?
Ryan Braves
I would say as long as you put your mind to it, you could eventually get there.
Jenn Junod
Damn. That, that is something that would, people would stop because they'd be like, what do you ask after that? OK, I know you said this part in a bit in your intro but I, I do want it for this piece as well. How would you say that you've gotten to where you're at and your background to get there with the, the hat of vulnerability and sharing.
Ryan Braves
I'd say I failed miserably. I had this bright idea that I was going to be successful and do all these amazing things and it was gonna happen right away and none of it happened right away. In fact, it got really, really bad to the point where I thought I wanted to quit or I thought about stopping, I thought about changing gears.
I thought about settling for something less and I failed so much that I was eventually able to turn it around, but it wasn't easy. That's, I mean, II I am where I am today by simply failing a unbelievable amount of times.
Jenn Junod
I really like that and, and I'm filling in the wanting to fill in the gaps a little bit here because I can only imagine that asking you that question. And if you knew any a bit more about my history, it would lead you to sharing a bit about your story in a certain aspect, like what we were just talking about. And I bring these up because for us to be vulnerable and for us to have these conversations on the podcast, it's a lot of like you could even say a lot of bullshitting to get there because
you have to build that report to build that vulnerability and feel secure with someone to have those conversations, which we did a bit of that during our intro call. So people might not hear about it as much here. I love the fact that you show in your coaching and being on these podcasts that you're doing this as a man. Do you feel any less manly for being vulnerable and being an open book now?
Ryan Braves
No. You know, it's really funny. people always talk about like, like this toxic masculinity and also like getting more in touch with your femininity. Like I don't like if I'm sharing a story about how I was terrible at something or how I you know, something made me emotional like my wedding vows, right? When I get my wedding vows, I was, you know, crying when I saw my wife for the first time on her wedding day, like she was fine like it, I I couldn't hold it together.
So I feel like no less of a man. And in fact, every year anniversary, like on social, I will share like that stuff. So it's every year I have some friends that bus my child but again with the water work. So, but I don't, I personally, I think being very authentic is extremely powerful and authenticity is whatever you are feeling in that moment.
So if you feel as though something makes you cry, right? Or something makes you curse or angry. As long as you're being authentic, it doesn't make you any less than, in my opinion.
Jenn Junod
I, I love that, especially for men's mental health and something I do want to mention on, on that note of like, how you're feeling at the moment. I know a lot of our listeners have gone through some shit and have, can be very traumatic experiences and something that I've really learned in my current relationship, which has been the healthiest relationship I've ever been in and I'm going to marry this man someday is the fact that what I'm feeling at the moment may not actually be towards him because I'm still working through a lot of the trauma that I've been through and I'm going to therapy and which is awesome, but it doesn't always register when I wanted to register sometimes. Like, and it takes him so much compassion to allow me to show up where I'm at in the same aspect to, he started allowing me to show up for him.
And I, and I find that so much, I find it even, I, I don't even know how to describe it of because he's willing to be vulnerable with me, but also be there for me is it makes me feel so much closer to him. And also it makes me like even more in awe of the human that he is because he brings that to the world.
Ryan Braves
Yeah. Yeah. I think he's creating a safe space for you which allows you to be your authentic self, which then allows you to build trust that he is the one for you. I mean, it's, it's just like this, this whole thing that comes from that.
Jenn Junod, Ryan Braves
So, I think just creating that space is really, really important and, and that's something that, you know, each person in a relationship needs to do whether, you know, whatever sexual identification that someone has.
Jenn Junod
It's something that us as humans that we need to do. Yes, there's been a pressure more on men to be able to let all this masculine toxic masculinity go. It's also the rest of us. I need to let that go too. And also for myself, it was a lot of being that independent woman and allowing someone being vulnerable and allowing someone else to take care of me, which is, I would say, yes, it's somewhat of the
masculinity of, you know, a lot of men may want to take care of their families and things. But I think it's also the fact that just in a relationship allowing someone to take care of you.
Ryan Braves
Yeah. And I, I think defining the role like having the open conversation within your relationship, right? So like for me, I do want to take care of my family and my wife and I, and I tell her that I express that to her. So therefore she encourages that type of behavior and supports me in doing that. But if she was, let's say she wanted to do that, like, from a financial perspective and she was open with me, then we would figure out how to both be able to do as long as you're again being
authentic and creating that space to share exactly how you're feeling and what you want. That's how a relationship actually works for the long haul. It's that communication that opened that safe space to have that.
Jenn Junod
Exactly. Exactly. And I am just loving the conversation that we had today because yes, we covered so many different topics from, you know, we didn't touch as much on your family upbringing, which I do think that could be cool to talk about again someday. It is something that at least from what I'm seeing, a lot of people don't, they see the what to do, not the, how to do it. And that's a lot of what we covered more today and also the difference of how to show vulnerability. And thanks for
going through that exercise with me. I think that that is something that a, is a little fun to see. But also give somebody a real life example, which at least for myself, I always struggled with getting what people were actually saying. I'm like, yeah, I get it and then I went to go do it and I'm like, I, I don't know what they mean at all. So, just to finish up, is there anything else Ryan that I didn't ask you or something else that you wanted to share or go in deeper on.
Ryan Braves
honestly, I think we covered so much good stuff. I mean, we, we could probably spend an hour in any one of those different areas. But I mean, for me, I just, I think anything is possible in someone's life and I'm not saying that not as some social media meme like, you know, any you can do anything But I really believe like if you get clear on what you want, the type of life you want to lead, then you can make that happen if you live consciously about it.
Like if you, if you know, hey, I want to build a business, hey, I wanna build a business and I want to have a family. Hey, I wanna build a business. I want to have a family and I want to be a great partner. You can make all those things happen first.
If you know what you want, why you want it, you can get it and just understand no matter where you are in the game, there's gonna be challenges, they're going through struggles, they're going through failures and all those things are one of the things that I no longer believe is when I failed in the past, I thought that mean, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, not work.
Ryan Braves
And now when I, I go, oh this just means I'm getting closer to what I want, just stop and see.
Ryan Braves
Why did you fail? Why did it happen? Analyze it and then be able to move through it. So I think in creating this amazing life that we all have the ability to do. It's just being conscious and understanding. It's not going to be a smooth path. You're going to have ups and downs, but it doesn't mean you stop where you are or retreat or regress back to something that you didn't want in the first place.
Jenn Junod
Agreed. Agreed. And I the, the next follow up question I was gonna have for you was any words of encouragement for our audience, but I feel like you kind of just tackled that.
Ryan Braves
Yeah, I just, I, I always leave it with. Just don't, don't quit, right. Have learn to have a different relationship with failure as I just mentioned and then just don't quit. Like whether again, whether it's growing a business, having the family, having a family or having the family of your dreams, it's gonna take longer than you may have originally thought. And that's OK. Like no, doesn't mean no forever just means that maybe not right now, but you continue to pursuit on that
path. You will eventually have those things that you want if you actually really want them yourself, not because someone told you you should want them or you should have them. Not because you were coerced into doing it or having it. But if you really want something and you're not willing to stop, you'll eventually have it.
Jenn Junod
I really dig that and, and the point that you said about not because somebody else wants it for you. For those of you who have no idea what you want, go try a bunch of different things because I didn't figure out that about this podcast. And, and for me, just as a, a part of the closing note is for me, this podcast is like so many different failures up until this point. And this is the first project that I have ever worked on that. I'm like, I don't know, it's just gonna work. I don't know how
it's gonna work. I don't know how I'm gonna get people on it. I don't know how I'm gonna get funding for it. It's just gonna, it's just blind. Like it's just like, because I know like with my entire being that it needs to happen and I didn't figure that out until after, you know, beginning of 2021 and I'm 32 years old at that point. Like these type of things doesn't mean that it has to happen in your teenagers or your twenties. So thank you for that Ryan. And how do people reach out to you?
Ryan Braves
Super simple. Number one website, my ascension by design.com, I mean, literally just contact me all over the place there or number two, I'll be in like little bit of vulnerability here. I've been terrible with social media. So a lot of friends bust my chops about it. So what I did going back maybe like two or three months ago, I created a private Facebook group.
It's called ascension of the entrepreneur. So it's a really easy place to get in that group and then to connect with me directly because like literally if you put a question or you have a challenge or you need some advice, I will be responding. But the cool part is that the other people in the group will also respond. They'll also give you their feedback.
And what I'm doing there is I'm trying to create a community of people that are looking to do, right? I say big things or just move their life or progress their life forward. And the the the advantage of having a community is when you are struggling or you are, you do have a challenge. People go, hey, I've been there and this is how I move through it.
It's OK. You will too or if you need advice, the commu not just myself but the community is there for support. And that was the goal I behind doing that. So that's called ascension of the entrepreneur. And that's a private Facebook group that you, that you just literally request access and we'll let you in.
Jenn Junod
Awesome. Thank you. Is that just for men or for men and women? For anybody?
Ryan Braves
I have both men and women? I would say it, it definitely leans heavier on the men side, because of the nature of what I do, but there are women in there.
Jenn Junod
Awesome. And last, but definitely not least, what are you grateful for?
Ryan Braves
Number one? I mean, my family is like the is, that's like my number one thing.
Jenn Junod
Awesome. I love it and I always love to share what I'm grateful for. And today is the fact of since I started moving my bedroom and my studio together, I love the fact that this lovely new background. I am grateful for the drapes that my neighbor gave me because this is a room divider with drapes and it's very silly. And these and the reason I mentioned that is gratitude can happen with such small things.
So thank you again, Ryan, thank you for listening to shit you don't want to talk about and being a part of the change from shit you don't want to talk about to shit to talk about that being said, make sure to subscribe, like share on all of our social medias. It is shit. The number two talk about. We're on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and on youtube and on youtube.
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