S1 E15 Shit2TalkAbout Growth and Healing For Men with Andy Grant
Transcript was AI generated, if there are mistakes, please let me know! Thank you in advance! Jenn Junod
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Jenn Junod
You for joining Sh!t You Don't Want to Talk About . Please tell us a bit about yourself and what shit you want to talk about today.
Andy Grant
First of all, I just, I, I love this title, love this idea because I grew up wanting to talk about shit all the time, but no one else seemed to want to talk about. But so yeah, I'm Andy Grant. I am an energy coach, a healer, an author, a speaker. I host a podcast called Real Men. Feel. I began all of that because growing up, I was raised by a single mom.
My parents got divorced when I was really young. I was molested by a neighbor. I decided that the world just sucked. That I was lied to. I felt deceived to even be born to parents that didn't want me all, all this, all this victimhood energy piling up on me. I was an empathic kid. I was sensitive. I cried easy. I just thought I was screwed. I thought I am not a man.
And actually when, when I began getting molested by a next door neighbor, my dad had already been kicked out of the house. It was a very angry divorce. And I really was afraid that if I told anyone what was happening to me, I'd be the next man kicked out of the house. So I decided really young age, put that emotional cap on button down. It's me against the world.
And I did not feel equipped or worthy to take on the world even so it was a lot of isolation. I did really well in school was another reason to be bullied and picked on. So I, I really in elementary school, I realized I'm smarter. I need to, I need to dumb it down. I need to speak like an idiot. I need to like I really need to. Again, we often I went on and discovered spirituality and personal growth and letting the idea of letting your light shine.
But I really dim, dim, dim myself was the way to get through life. So I did not feel like a man as I discovered work as I discovered tools that literally saved my life. I, I'm a survivor of multiple suicide attempts. I, it's funny I just talked about, I'm really good in school. I was an idiot when it came to life. It, it took me multiple failed attempts on my life for me to decide.
Oh, maybe I am supposed to be alive. Like I, I, it's, it's the path that I was telling my wife the other day in a very real way, attempting to end my life was the best thing I ever did because it woke me up, but it's a freaking dangerous as hell game to play. And I was still like, I, if I've met people that learned once, you know, I thought I wanted to die, I saw the light like, oh and, and I, I hate those people.
I, I really have like, damn it learning to learn your lesson one time. What kind of human being are you? But lots of struggle, lots of, lots of doubt that I was a man. Lots of the I, again, most guys are taught either overtly by their own father or by media in society that we're not supposed to feel. We're not supposed to share that that a man having any emotion except anger or rage is somehow a weak, broken man.
So every time that I was depressed, every time that I felt like it was me against the world, the, the only places I heard anyone talk about suicide was when I was in a mental hospital and it was other kids that want to die. So now iii I speak, I share to get rid of that stigma. Like like real men feel the purpose of the show reminding men that they're human beings and all human beings have emotions and some emotions feel great and some don't, but the best way to use them.
Like when I realize that all my emotions are giving me information, they're helping me navigate life and, and all the times that I was depressed and miserable and just thought I sucked. Like I thought that was the truth. I thought I had tapped into my core, right? But it was just a, it was just a temporary feeling. And when I felt good, I thought that was the lie.
I thought, ah, life you tricked me having a good day. Yeah, I won't fall for this. I know everything really sucks. but as I grew up and I had a willingness to be wrong and I find that's what so many men are resistant to. We, you know, you can be right or you can be happy. And once I realized I would rather be happy than right. I'm like, I'll be wrong about 99 things out of 100 any time if it leads to happiness.
So I'm much more about joy than my own misery and sovereign victimhood because again, I didn't, when I had depressive feelings and moods and suicidal thoughts. I thought that's who I was. Like, it wasn't something I had, I thought it's who I was and now I work to claim higher aspects of me. Like I, I am my joy. I am my service.
I am my value, right? I am my connection to other human beings. That's something the pandemic I think has taught a lot of people. Wow, we really, we need each other. You know, I like hugs from strangers and I like that you see people in person, right? So that there's a, there's a taste of my Shit2TalkAbout.
Jenn Junod
Well, damn. And you definitely mentioned a few things that are relatable of the fact of I have a suicide attempt I took had and it was one I would say solid suicide attempts. It was so it makes me laugh that you're like, hey, one attempt you know, you see the light, well, I refuse the light. We'll say that I took 300 pills, went to bed, ended up throwing up everything when lying on my back should have died.
Then I didn't go to the hospital for five days later, should have died. By then, I've told them that I took the pills and the hospital was like, you need a liver transplant. And by the next morning I was fine, I was like, what the fuck? I just, I don't want to be here like this is not fixing everything and you know, fast forward like 18 years. And I'm so grateful I'm here yet.
It was more of, I just didn't want to go through all of that again. Not necessarily a white light. But there are a few things that just really stuck out to me in the, the high level of your, of your overview of life. And that was a bit about school. And, you know, I would want to ask more about that and demean your light there because I think a lot of people don't always think about how impactful and hard school can be for men as well.
And also something that you talked about was being molested by a neighbor. And so many people think that boys can't be molested and it only happens to girls and or and or it can be very victim blamed. So I would like to ask a bit more there.
Andy Grant, Jenn Junod
Which one would you want to dive into who both eventually?
Andy Grant
You know, the molestation feels top of mind. I don't talk about that a lot anymore. So when, when I experienced that, I, I blacked it out, I did not have a memory of this happening until I was 20 years old. And in my fifth mental hospital and they were doing, they were talking about being molested and I suddenly had flashbacks, kept seeing this close up of a face.
And then this man I could tell from the angle of what was happening. I'm, I'm looking up from a guy's crotch at some guy and I start having shivers and I start bawling and more me memories come back and I realized I can name it and place it all these things. And I thought, 00 my God, this explains everything. I'm gonna be, I'm gonna feel better all the time now and it didn't.
So that was one thing. So I did not have 20 years of feeling, feeling like a victim because I consciously shoved it out. And then there were so many different news reports and you can't trust memories and all this kind of shit. When I was like, I think when I was in my early thirties, I went to a hypnotist to hypnotize me back to being five years old.
So I could really tell if I made up this molestation thing or not. And that experience, oh, I get it. It was horrible. No, it happened. They were like, I did not make it up. There were more details and it took them a lot of work with me to like, it wasn't now, you're back. Andy. I was like, I don't feel back. I feel disgusting and they had to like really work hard to get me present.
But so that's when I really, I'm sure it consciously dimmed my light and the, the I was molested by a friend of he was next door neighbor who was one of my friend dads. He looked kind of like my dad and he had two young daughters that I played with. One was my age, one was a year younger. he made us do things to each other. Which part of like, oh, my man.
That should be great. And then he made us do things to, to him. And, yeah, so it, it, once I remembered things it messed with and people, even when I didn't remember this, I'm sure it messed with my sexual identity. And again, well, a guy you should, you should like everything, right? Anything is guys wanna, you know, screw everything that moves or any sexual experience has got to be a good one because you're a guy.
And again, it wasn't. Yeah, but it's horribly common. Guys rarely talk about it for that. Again, we like, especially as a child. Like what? Really, what can you do? Like I shut down survive. I, I, I'll be a good boy. I'll do what I'm told. I was just trying to get through this moment, you know, and again, if I, if I spoke up there was this block, I really, I really thought I, I can't, I can't share this because I'll be in trouble, right?
I was, my mom would often tell me that she didn't have to tell me what to do. She would like telepathically communicate. I was like a good boy all the time, but it's probably out of fear. I didn't want to lose my house. I, on my only experience of life is seeing my, my father kicked out of his home. I'm like, all right, women have all the power. I better keep this lady happy. Yeah. We had a good relationship.
Jenn Junod
But, and to follow up on that one, that is, that is a horrible and I, I always get stuck when people are like, I'm so sorry that happened to you. And they say that type of stuff to me that now that I'm doing the podcast, I'm like, huh, how am I supposed to respond? Because that is some shit that I wouldn't want wish on anybody yet.
It clearly has made you part of who you are, which is a bad ass and glad you're still here. So not really sure how to respond. I definitely like instinct is to say sorry to hear that, but that's so not real.
Andy Grant
I feel like, you know, that's part of before we started recording, talked about the need for human connection. And I have discovered as, as a man, as a human being and as a coach and as a facilitator of groups, often we think we need to fix things and often all that needs to be like, I'll say something and you just don't leave. That's all you need.
And because when I, when I was in high school, I was sure that if anybody knew the truth about me, if anybody saw how dark I was inside. They would run if I was all open and honest with my friends, family, teachers, if I did that to anybody, they would just flee and I would be alone. That was my biggest fear. So there's nothing you need to say. just like, I don't know.
But I, because I can see you, I know you're here with me if you would, like, turn, turn your camera off. And I was like, oh, you know, yeah, it would, that would be sad. That would be bumming. But yeah, there, there often isn't something we need to say. It's just that we're still there. You know, we, we all have mirror neurons. We're all, I, I was on a show a while ago and some guy he didn't think empaths were a thing.
And like, but what you don't think empathy is a thing like why I don't, couldn't, I couldn't understand it. But I was like, well, we all have mirror neurons. We are wired. We're, we're meant to see the emotion of the person and mirror it back to them. We feel it. We are all connect that. I mean, to me that's, that's empathy and, and, but you know, we're wide for it.
We need connection. We thrive on connection. I think victimhood is someone. It's like when I, when I, when I thought I was depression, that was, I was victimizing myself. I was giving away all my power saying this dark mood controls me and always will. And that was the, the, the feedback I got from, I was finally in, in junior high school and saw my first child psychiatrist, but I just gave them stories.
I didn't want help. I, I wanted, I, I wanna phrase this the best way. I believed that I wanted to die and I really believed it. But looking back eigh, you know, I don't think I want, I didn't want to die. I wanted to feel better. I wanted the pain to stop. And I, I think that's what's the reality behind most attempts. I want whatever and this thing that's called life.
I want this to stop because I don't like it. And when we, when we against our will at times seem to be stuck here, it can be empowering. Like, like when, when I was willing to take responsibility for my emotions, for my mood, for my outlook, for my beliefs, that was the only time I could change them.
Jenn Junod
Can we dig into that a bit more? There's I, that is, I think a huge change in something that I really struggled with is I'm not responsible for everything that happened to me.
Andy Grant, Jenn Junod
I am responsible for what I do with what happened and go forward and can you dig a bit more of how you changed your mindset and got there and realize that yeah, from it was, I got sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
Andy Grant
It was after my, I don't know how many suicide attempts I, on, I only counted the ones that landed me in to the hospital. That's why I knew it counted. If nobody saw, if I didn't get injured enough. Well, that didn't count if it was an attempt. I didn't go through it. Well, that didn't count. it was after another failed attempt and I was repeating a means to end my life that already had not worked.
And I'm like, it was obviously like this, you're not good at living. You're not good at dying. There's gotta be a better way. There's gotta be something different that you're not doing. It was like my first conscious spiritual experience because I was, I was bawling, I'm sobbing, I'm begging. It's that dark net of the soul. I was not raised with any sort of religion, but I'm asking whatever God is.
What's the point? Why are you doing this to me? And I really got that. I'm doing it to myself and that was empowering because I could stop that. There's really only one person in the entire world that any of us can change and it's us. So when I realized life was proving to me, the forces of the universe were proven to me that you're not allowed to die yet and you don't like the way you're living.
So you have to make a different choice. Now, some people discover that easier younger than I did. But I had to be, you know, like a bad dog having his face shoved in his poop until I realize, don't do this. And then still, there's a draw. Like, even after my growth, I realizations then when I'm at my weakest, my tiredest, when circumstances seem stacked against me, there'll be that.
Yeah, you should just check out, man. that's the way to go. Like I find that any time you have seriously contemplated that it's always gonna be there. That that option will always be there. It doesn't serve any of us. I once I mistakenly ended up at a suicide survivor support group, I thought it was a support group of people that attempted suicide.
It was a support group of people that have lost someone to suicide. The group was, was all parents, primarily women who had lost sons. And I thought they were going to hate me, but they spent the evening asking me questions as if I was their son and it was so moving and powerful and beneficial and because I'm not their son, but I could just say when no matter how much as a mom, no matter how much you love your son, it doesn't matter cause you're my mom, you have to love me.
But then if, if even your parents don't like you, if you're having problems at home, fuck even my mom doesn't love me like they can't win. But we we can't help anybody who isn't willing to be helped. I had to go through so much pain and struggle and strife to decide that I was willing, like I said, that I was willing to be wrong. That was only to be so freaking wrong about my worldview.
I, I did not experience tears of joy until I was in my thirties. I thought that was a myth. I thought it was something like made up. You know, when, when I was, when I was 17 years old, I was so sure that everybody should be suicidal. Like I thought you were nuts if you weren't. Yeah. Like I thought I could convince people. I, like, I thought you had your head in the cloud.
You weren't seeing reality. But all those things are what proved to me like we make our reality and I was looking for evidence in my mind in my heart and what I saw around me that life sucked when things were good when I had Grady because it didn't, like, suck all the time. Like I, you know, I did good in school. I had jobs. I had girlfriends, I was doing what I thought I was supposed to do.
But it always, there was always that pit, there's always a place I would fall back into and I felt I couldn't share that pit with anybody. So that's why I thought it was true. It was real. I have a two generations of death by suicide in my family. So there's also time as I learned about that, like, oh, and as I'm taught, like, doctors just say it's, you know, it's your genes and Andy is just, you'll always have this and here we can try this and I tried lots of different medications and I just
had bad side effects. I thought, well, this is what a normal people feel like I, I want out even more. But once I realized that I'm not just this meat suit that I'm not just some random collection of chemicals, I'm not some broken synapses and misfiring neurons. I could embrace that. My connection to all my, it explained my empathy. Yeah, I, I can, I can, I now know that so many times and I was overwhelmed by emotion and weeping and didn't know why it was really from people around me.
I was the easiest path for other people's pains because I'd gone through so much pain. So I had to learn about energy, work and boundaries and responsibility and knowing what's mine and what isn't and letting things go and being able and willing to feel any emotion. The moment it shows up, that's the only way I keep from feeling emotion that's 10 years old or taking something out on you, Jen, that you had nothing to do with as being a fellow empath.
Jenn Junod
I can definitely relate. I it's only been this year of going to therapy that that started changing for me and changing that energy. One thing before we move on with the energy talk because I am very excited about that and it's such a huge mindset change and being able to release. That is as a side note. because you mentioned about medication, medication definitely does not work for everyone.
I went during my suicide attempts when I was a teenager, I was on medication and it had adverse effects. Not only because I was so young, I wasn't diagnosed as being bipolar type two until I was in my thirties. And now I do take my bipolar type two mood stabilizer. I take an anti anxiety antidepressant and I'm also a DH D. So I do take my my medication for that and I also want to point out the fact that I will still have my bad days.
I will can still downward spiral. I still struggle with, you know, wanting to self harm or, you know, take myself out of the picture. That is something that I may struggle with for the rest of my life. Yet that is something that medication helps it not happen so often. And medication definitely does not work for everybody. And I just really want to point that out because I know that there is such a huge debate with it and it is so in July, in individualized, see if I can talk for each
person. and another thing that I, I wanna wind back to because the abuse, sexual abuse that I went through, I was 8 to 10 years old and I didn't remember it like it came to me during an Adam Sandler song when they were in the song. He was talking about a shampoo bottle of his ass that I was in the car and something very similar. I, all the memories flooded in.
I was crying, I was like shivering that I never said anything because I blacked it out. I don't, didn't remember it until I was 16. My, the other person involved in it because there were two of us that were being, sexually abused and it sounds maybe something similar like yours of to each other or to that person. He told everybody he was two years, he is two years younger than me.
And he told everybody and everyone said that he was crazy. I didn't tell anybody because I didn't remember it and I, it breaks my heart because he told people and he felt alone and that is just what we were talking about and how that played out for him. He's in a totally different space than I am and we've talked about it like he now knows that. I completely know and I've told our family and like they, they now recognize it, but it took me saying something instead of just believing him.
And I just want to talk about your experience with school as well because I don't know if people realize how much those type of things or your father leaving really affects us in school and how alone we can feel in school, even with, you know, relationships and jobs.
Andy Grant
Yeah. I, I mean, I can still clearly remember as young as eight years old in school for whatever people talked about how they would want to die. And I knew, oh, I'll be taking myself out. I knew that, but I wouldn't say that out loud but, and that did not strike me as the first time I thought that. But, you know, my, my dad, often told me when I was really young that high school were the best years of your life and that'd be a way of like, cheer me up if I was going back.
That's my reaction. High school the best years of life. And I thought, well, well, then why would I bother going beyond them? So, at age 78 I was like, well, all right, I'll, I'll stick in till I'm 18. Then I'll kill myself. I like, fine. I'll just, why, you know, why would I live the non best years now? It wasn't until I was an adult. I realized my dad is telling me this.
He's 2122 years old. He's had high school and then he suddenly had a family. So, yeah, high school, probably the best years of his life and he was football star and he was a big man on campus and all that kind of nut stuff. So like it made sense. But again, as a child, you don't have the scope of age, you just know someone older than me is telling me that life is only good to a certain point.
And he was also reopen and would tell me that alcoholism and mental illness, it all passed on in genes and, and I remember being a kid like, but then why the fuck did you have me? Like I have no kids. I swore I swore as a child. I will not if this is stuff you pass on, I'm not doing it. It, it ends now I'm done. But both my parents were school teachers. I was naturally school came easy to me.
But again, I realized so I was, I was smart. I was heavy both reasons to be bullied. And, and yeah, I was I also wanna say this, I, I, but every bully gets bullied like I was like in the middle, I would pick on other people to get the bullies of me to like laugh at them and stuff. So I, I would be the class clown, a comedian do stupid, dangerous things. I had a vandalism spree and like, I would never get in trouble because well, Andy's, he's got straight a he's smart.
He can't be the one causing trouble so I could manipulate. I knew where I was, where I was a good boy. I knew how to use my rep and hide. Being a troublemaker and being, I could really be a chameleon in with every crowd in school yet feel alone in all of them as well because I felt like a, a fake chameleon. There was no, there was nobody else that was able to, to navigate. And I would like feel the pain of each click and not the joy of each click.
Andy Grant, Jenn Junod
If that makes any sense, it does, it does.
Jenn Junod
And I, I'm, I can see how so much of this relates to also the energy work because at least for myself, I was never like the lone wolf yet. I kind of was because I would bounce from group to group to group and I absorb so much negative energy. And my mom was also going through a lot of pain that I would absorb, absorb. There we go. Words. And I today I would absorb her energy.
And that was a big reason that I know I became suicidal and thought so low of myself is because I thought all this pain that I was feeling was my bec I was causing everyone else's pain. What I didn't know is I was just taking on everybody else's pain to help them release their pain. And I'm not sure if people that aren't necessarily and pas really understand that it's not something that yes, it is can be very scientific.
Like you were talking about, there hasn't been a lot of work done on the scientific side of it because it's, yes, we all have auras and, or a magnetic field around us and we can attract certain things. It's, but it's not scientific enough to be mainstream.
Andy Grant
Yeah. And I, I gave up on proving and science long ago. I trust my experience and like, wow, I feel better doing this thing. I can't explain then. That thing is for me and, and it's as simple as that. But again, it came from trials and tribulations and you know, you mentioned medication and something works for everybody. And if you've only tried, if you try meds and meds and it's not working.
Yeah, there's, there's a right one. There's a right mix because that's one thing that I, I believe anyone, a bipolar thinker, a suicidal thinker, a black and white thinker. This fixes me. It didn't that I'm not fixable. I it's not like, well, what are my other options? Like? That's not how I thought. But there are, there are infinite number of options out there and that's what's so great.
That's why I speak about everything I've done to, to hopefully it connects when you, I just want to raise the, the notion of energy work or meditation or I made fun of affirmations and journaling for decades. But I, no, I made fun of them for days and weeks. Anytime they suggested to me now I've done them for decades and they're phenomenal, but especially as a guy, we'll put it down, we'll make fun of it.
We'll say, you know, it's, it's a girly thing. It's a whissy thing. It's whatever it is, it's too soft, it's too weird. It's too woo woo. But only the bravest of men will try those things they make fun of and see if their experience matches the expectations or not. I've written two books on affirmations. Right. I, I am as woo as you can get and I can, get in a fight if I need to Rd Harley for years, you know, traveled the world, all sorts of great manly things.
No one's ever, no one, no one but me has ever questioned my masculinity. Yeah. And I, you know, we are our, we're the only ones that can save us. We're the only ones that take responsibility for us and we are the ones that beat the ever living shit out of ourselves too.
Jenn Junod
And how much our own self talk. I, that, that is one thing that I, with those around me and even to myself, I, I've seen the conversation with myself change quite a bit yet. A lot of it came from a gratitude journal and affirmations. I would do the two together. I would normally do like, well before I say what I do, how would you explain an affirmation?
Andy Grant
We are saying affirmations all the time. I can't do it. I suck. Well, you know, that at least I let me own that. That was my thought and, you know, I thought positive affirmation. That's, that's nonsense and Hoy and until I did it. So I an affirmation is I am something good. I am worthy. I am an excellent podcast guest. Right? I, I am a, I am a happy authentic man.
I just say all these things. But when I, some people want to pick an affirmation that feels good. That's not the one that does much for you. So I how I pick an affirmation if it's if like all right, I got this memorized but it took a long time to memorize this. But I am whole perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy they used to be on, on a mirror.
Now I just walk around. That's, that's my default thought when I need, when I need to make some noise in my head, I am whole perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy ah saying that like the first time like no, I'm not like that's, that's what tells you. That's the one you need. affirmations that challenge your thinking. That's what they're supposed to do.
But you're embedding a new belief like that. The science is you're making new neuron connections. We we, we talk about falling into a rut and that, that metaphor of the the cattle car rut is also in our brain, our most thought pathway makes a rut in our brain. It's easy to fall into that depressive pattern, that suicidal thought, whatever it is, if that's our most thought thing.
So it takes conscious sometimes herculean effort to get up and step into where there's not a rut and pave a new chance, make new options. That, that newness. I, I do a lot of spiritual work. One of the things I do is akashic record readings and always from the records, the universe is expanding at a faster and faster rate.
Science tells us that that's not a debate. What my spiritual tools tell me is that the universe keeps expanding because we do, you and me on an individual soul level, we need to expand. Our growth are experiencing new things are paving new pathways is literally the fuel that expands the universe.
Jenn Junod
OK? I, I definitely want to ask more there Before I go down that one because I've never heard of that one at all before. So I'm like, oh, what is that? I do want to share that. It just registered to me that I actually have an affirmation on my body. And it's crazy to me because I got this tattoo back in 2013. And I don't think it ever registered to me that it was an affirmation.
Yet this tattoo actually changed so much of who I started becoming. So for our listeners on the on any audio platform. This episode is on youtube as well and I will post pictures on social media as I show Andy my arm. This is so when I did self harm, I have 52 scars across my entire body. The majority of them are right here. And when I worked in retail, I would wear sweaters to cover it up no matter how hot it was in Phoenix because everyone would always ask me about them.
And I was so self conscious and this is French. And for when I post it for anybody that knows French, it is technically missing a word because back then Google translate was not as good. And I didn't know anybody that spoke French. So always ask someone that is fluent in a language before you tattoo in another language. And my last name is French for all of those wondering why I got it in French.
It says in English, I am who I am worthy. I am greater than my past. Oh It's two affirmations. Look at that. And then my my origami stands for, I can always used to stand for, I can fold up and fly away and now it stands for, I can fold up and fly home. I have been in the healthiest relationship I have ever been in and I actually want to come home and be safe instead of having to run from it.
And the Rubik's Cube, I can solve a Rubik's cube. I am not a speed master at it, but I can do. It is signifies. Life is a puzzle I can solve. And it's interesting that I never realized those were affirmations. And yet I've always loved affirmations.
Andy Grant
That's because everybody's using them all the time. Most people are using negative affirmations all the time. An affirmation is just a statement. A positive affirmation is just a statement that you're good. A negative affirmation also known as thoughts. It says you suck, you can't do it. You're not good enough, you're not gonna get there. It's not worth trying that whatever it is.
But if, if you see any successful person and hear them speak about it, they speak in positive affirmations all the time that they believe in themselves. They grew up, they had people that believed in them, they knew they could do it all that sort of thing. But I think too many of the average person watch. I, I can't do that.
Jenn Junod
They can, they definitely can. And please tell me about this. What work expanding the universe. And could you deep that I, I don't even know what you called it. Could we, could we go back to that, please?
Andy Grant
Sure.
Andy Grant, Jenn Junod
So what I was referencing is called the Akashic Records, Akashic records.
Jenn Junod
OK. Never heard one. OK. I've never heard of that.
Andy Grant
Been around it. It's primordial, it's, you could equate it to the quantum plane. it, it's the field of infinite possibility. Akasha is a Sanskrit word for primary substance. The Akashic records are a vibrational recording of your soul's journey. Everything you've ever done everything it's, it's different religious called the Book of God called the Book of Life.
Generations ago, people had to go through like weeks of fasting and meditation to be able to access the records and I have a simple prayer process. II, I had heard about this. I was growing up and thought it was this really cool thing Edgar Casey is perhaps the most famous individual who reads the akashic records. But as human consciousness has risen, we have the ability and you can I open my own records and ask questions.
But one thing, people often want a reading and show me my future. It's, it's not that the records, it's a recording. So it's always being written, it's everything you've done, it keeps getting weaved. It's, it's really alive, but being able to tap into the wisdom of something that has everything you've done in one place. Why am I keep repeating this? What, why, why does this keep happening? And it just, lots of healing can happen. Lots of insights this kind of lately for a lot of
clients as well that back to the notion of the universe expanding and that we need to expand. You can't be called to something that you're not capable of doing, right? Otherwise, the universe is just a big joke. Like, what, what, what sort of, you know, what sort of intelligence, what would put things in bed in the minds of humans? Here's all these ideas that you'll never be able to accomplish. Like, what, what, what, what hell landscape would that be?
Jenn Junod
Yeah. That would be really fucked up like that. Really?
Andy Grant
Yeah. So it's not what you're called to and I don't mean just a passing thought but that thing that keeps coming back, it wants to be done like that has an energy that has a life to it. One of, one of, one of the most powerful things I, I have, I'm, I'm a, I'm a certified healer in something called the modern mystery school. Used to be seven ancient mystery schools now that there's one that's open to the public, but it goes back 30 or 500 years.
It goes back to the, it's the lineage of King Solomon, the wise King Solomon of the Bible fame. There's something in there we call, it's called a life activation where we clear do all sorts of clearing work and then literally put more light into your body than perhaps you've had all your life, certainly before, since you were a child and it connects you more to that calling.
It connects you more to your divine blueprint. It wakes you up because we, we are in this society and the way we taught dimming our light down from generation to generation and, and don't be seen, don't be heard and you know, numb out with, with, with media, with drugs, with alcohol, all these, which was such an addictive society. But within us is this, this wisdom, this truth, this soul that wants to expand, that wants to know more.
That's why even getting more of this spiritual insight, it can make something seemingly bad. All right. Well, I never got that before. All right. Well, I guess my, my soul wanted to have a really bad car accident because I haven't had that experience yet before. Right. So there's a different way to like. All right. Well, even the painful thing because on, on the soul level, newness expansion is exciting and good, doesn't matter what, doesn't matter what caused,
it doesn't matter our egoic judgment that it was good or bad. Right? There's just expansion or there isn't, you're expanding and growing or you're shrinking and dying?
Jenn Junod
Interesting and, and a couple questions on that one, is there any resources that somebody can go look into this content other than just Googling something you may suggest specifically?
Andy Grant
So, my teacher for the Akashic Records wrote a book called How To Read the Akashic Records. So that's the easiest thing for that. But a lot of people that do readings and do things like that. The Modern Mystery School again, you search modern mystery school. they're all over the place, the North American headquarters in, in, Toronto, they're in Japan but again, it's because it's thousands of years old.
It's all handed down in person, only teacher to student. There. There's not an online course. There's not, you know, it's not books. It's, the most ancient text this goes back to is called the Hermetic. And many of the hermetic principles get distorted and come out as some new age thinking and, oh, the law of attraction.
But like there's so many different laws, like it's for the sake of marketing people take here's one spiritual truth and they will package an industry around it and off it goes and some people have success but not everybody. And it's not all the success I wanted because it's not the whole picture, right?
Jenn Junod
And thank you for sharing that.
Andy Grant
The whole, the whole picture is that you're a god.
Jenn Junod
Hell yeah, I am. Yeah.
Andy Grant
But where else were you? Did you grow up there? Anyone telling you that they didn't remind you of that? Yeah. No. So these floundering half baked gods that doubt ourselves? And so we create these half baked lives that don't always feel good. We are all master manifest.
Jenn Junod
Yeah. And how do you? I mean, I, and I've talked about this in another episode. I, I can see how affirmations and gratitude journal. Those really helped me change my mindset and manifest a lifestyle that yes, there's still challenges and there's still hardships. It's the challenges that I would want. And that helped me grow.
And yet this is something I've struggled with is how would you tell men specifically? Because I think that it can be a lot harder to have this conversation with men start to change that mindset and go research or go start doing affirmations. Like where would one start? Especially when they feel like their life sucks.
Andy Grant
You get to pick the thing that caused you, right. If it's an like, trust the signs, trust the people like, oh I heard affirmations get mentioned three times this week. Maybe I should look into that because they're countless. All right, you can, you can visit the Andy grant.com and you can discover affirmations. You can discover A K record reading to discover the bottom my all through me.
But I believe when, when, when you are welcoming, when you are open, everything can come to you. So the internet is at your fingertips. Affirmations are, are everywhere like my books of them. It's in, in my books. It's not the affirmations that are the magic it's put into use. And I talk about mere work. I talk about journaling. I talk about writing your own.
I just give you all these different words and you know, the most powerful information can just be I am and stop right or say I am and listen, what negative shit comes tumbling after what you say to yourself. Every tool is a tool of self discovery. The only way to a better life for any of us is to know ourselves better. Where is the ancient wisdom on the, the the at the oracle of the of Apollo?
In, in Greece? Know thyself was the big inscription. Know thyself. I was not a meat suit destined to depression and alcoholism. That's what I thought I was though, right? As I know myself, I'm this divine light, this immortal energy that is having this temporary home here in this weird spinning globe with a bunch of other temporary people having their temporary homes here.
It can sound crazy and woo woo because so much of the control of us says discount that just get a job, just pay your taxes, just go to work, just keep things going as they are. Stop paying attention to that calling you feel inside, stop paying attention to that resonance, stop paying attention to those mirror neurons that have you on the verge of tears when you see someone special and you don't know why and you don't speak.
You don't share authenticity and vulnerability are superpowers that too many men do not take advantage of if you're a man. And what's my first step? Tell someone, ask someone and II I lead groups at men's group.com full of guys coming in every week. I don't know what to do. I googled the men's just showed up, right? Everyone has I believe I hope has that trusted friend, family coworker, something that you can rely on.
But you've got to be that brave, brave man who can be first to say, hey, what do you think about this? I'm going through this, right? Sometimes the, the, the bravest thing you can do is ask for help. And it doesn't guys being open, guys, shearing of themselves is not weakness. It is strength, it is an absolute strength. Tell me you've heard this often, someone there will be a suicide attempt and people just say, ah, it's just a cry for help.
What, what other aspect of life does someone cry for help? And we just say it's a cry for help. You know, if there's a fire, help, fire, help me raped. just a cry for help. But emotionally some cry for help and nobody wants to deal with it because we've been trained. We have our own self hatred and discomfort with feelings because we're so scared of being rejected by our tribe, being isolated, being alone
that we all would rather pretend we don't have any bad feelings. So we ignore other peoples until it's in our own family until it's in our face and we can't hide from it anymore.
Jenn Junod
And that being said, I, I love how you mentioned that men need to be brave and take the first step to share with someone if that someone is their significant other. You mentioned earlier. One of the best things that we can do is just be there and stay there yet. I will admit for myself, I am definitely that person when people tell me they're going through shit, I'm like, oh let me help solve it.
Not my place. It's my default and I really do. I am working on listening more and wanting to be there more instead of fixing. How do you suggest especially as significant others or as mothers and sisters, you know that more feminine side of their life, how they can be there for men, support them being vulnerable and not go to that default of fixing.
Andy Grant
Yeah, it's funny you say that because in my experience it's mostly men, men are fixers. Men try to fix. I hear from women that I share something and the man wants to fix it. So it just proves there's every type of energy and archetype in every single person. So what I would suggest man or woman, someone is opening up to you ideally you can touch them, might help them stay grounded, make that connection, touch them on the shoulder, on the hand. I hear you. That's it.
I hear you. We'll figure this out together. Right? I'm gonna fix you is a reinforcement that you're a victim and you need to be saved. We can get through this together. And if you are aware of your default motive, let's fix this. Slow it down a little bit. Just say, is there something I can do? Right. It's being present, being li being listened to not feeling judgment come back at you. So just be as open as you can. I got to say it. Yeah, I hear you.
Jenn Junod
And I, I, I would also add in to at least in my own experience of not taking it personally just because someone else is going through having frustration.
Andy Grant, Jenn Junod
It doesn't mean that it's something that we, we can still hear and support those without taking them personally and also let it go like some of the because they were burning doesn't mean you catch it all and now it's your burden.
Andy Grant
No, that does not help. Just I hear you. It's like the wind passing. Yeah, I hear that song. You know, we hear on the radio. So I'm like, oh that's my song. Hey, I wrote that song. I, I gotta copyright this song. It's mine. Like, no, you just heard it. Let it, let it be heard by others too. I, I'll, I'll share a distorted version of this in my own experience growing up being sent to counselors and therapists and psychologists and mental hospitals.
I was used to professionals telling me you can tell me anything Andy and they were professionals, the clock would end and whatever I dumped out on their, in their office, I went off on my way and in my mind it had no effect on them. They were just robot professionals. Whatever my wife would tell me, you can tell me anything. OK, honey, and I did and I thought it would have no effect on her, her wanting to appear strong and capable and supportive would not tell me of the effect my words had
on her. There were times I felt so compelled to, needing to try to end my life to make sure I was still supposed to be alive that I would tell. Look, I've got to go, I, I have to leave. I have to go see if I'm gonna die or not and she's begging and crying and pleading and like there's nothing you can do. I, I have to do it. It's like, can't explain it. Those sort of things have weight.
Someone me telling my wife that I, I, I'm suicidal. I'd rather be dead. I don't wanna do anything positive. I just want to get out of here. It has an effect on her, but it took her years to tell me that. So openness and authenticity, it's both ways in a relationship and if someone is under their own challenges, don't assume less of them share your own.
Because by, by you realize you both have the same, the issue is outside, both of you. You can, you can rise up together but don't take the burdens of everybody else on our, our, our emotions, our, our words, it does matter. But yeah, my, my, my wife even thought that if she told her friends that, that I was struggling, that was somehow betraying me.
So this is all her own shit that she grew up with from her family, but I didn't know it. So she thought being the best spouse in the world was saying, tell me everything Andy and I will shut up and I will carry it until it's going to take her down. So again, communication open is it, it's not one way. It's not only someone, someone's in pain and someone isn't.
No, it's just always I hear you, right. We're, we're all human beings. Being a human has struggle, it has pain, but you would mention you still have bad days. One thing I've recognized in myself, I don't have bad days. I have bad moments that my habitual thinking will want to say what a bad day that was. But then if I stop and look at it, oh, wait a minute, that was like bad 15 minutes scattered throughout that Tuesday.
And I'm calling the whole thing a bad day, right? Life is lived in the moment, being fully present, being grounded, being willing to feel what this present moment has to offer. Helps release the past and move into the future without the bags and weight of unexpressed emotions. E every emotion will be felt. But if we don't deal with it consciously, it gets felt as stress and disease and chaos and road rage and violence against spouses and kids and pets, all the, all especially men
and well, I should say there's women too. I meet a lot of guys that are abused by women. The more you pent up, the more you're taught not to let it out, the more corks are gonna blow. It's just how it is. We, we, we all have emotions, we all have this energy pouring through us whether we wanna think it or not. And one way to tell that I
Jenn Junod
go ahead.
Andy Grant
OK? Another thing that I'll hear from men a lot is like, I think I feel this, I think, I feel that like, yeah, the, the brain's not really where you feel your emotions. That's not language clue to recognizing yourself or people you're with like, oh they're all just living in their head. They don't realize there's, there's more to them.
Jenn Junod
I think that was a, I think, and I feel that was a huge mindset change for myself. I, my default is still always I think, and I have to remind myself, I feel it's interesting as you've gone through a lot of this stuff. My dad tried to raise me as a boy. So I think that's a lot of the reason why I'm like, I relate to some of these things and working on being more feminine and like letting my partner take care of things was something that was really hard for me to trust and let go of.
It's I love how you talked about it being two way communication because it is there's a lot of what we all, it doesn't necessarily just need to be a romantic relationship. It can be with a stranger on the street of unloading baggage or, you know, being really mean to someone, it can really affect them and yet on the complete other side, doing something positive really affects other people as well.
And what we intend and what happens this annoys the line and being responsible for our own actions such as the difference of I'm sorry you feel that way that's putting on the blame back on the other person. That's not saying I'm sorry for what I said. I'm sorry for what I did. That is taking ownership of kid that didn't come across the way I meant it. And I love that how we went from our own past that really working through our own paths for both of us has created the space for us to grow and
be there for other people because we dealt with our shit. It may come up from time to time, but we finally dealt with it, you know, and it made us grow and our energy around us changed. And as you were saying earlier, our universes expanded and that is one thing that I would love first off. Is there anything that we didn't go over that you are really wanting to go over today?
Andy Grant
Yeah. No, I've Yeah. Everything top of mind feels like we've, we've hit it on II I just, hope we hit on it enough that it lands and makes some sense because I could feel like I have gone all over the place there and that, that's, that's part of me. And, I do, I, I so want to be of service. II I, so I, so, so so don't want more people to try to end their lives due to emotional pain that, that just drives me and that can drive me to the point of, of feeling too much to contain at times and I can speak a
mile a minute to try to get things out there. But again, it's, it's the energy and all energy is contagious. And even people that think we we've been on this woo subject for an hour, you can walk into, you can walk into a room where people are laughing and not hear the joke and you'll start laughing. We want to match people. This is a vibrational universe and we want to match the vibration that the whole mirror neuron thing goes back to that.
We want to be in alignment. And sometimes if you're around miserable complaining people, it's gonna be easier to go. Yeah, you're right and you all just go further down. But when you raise your vibration, when you're conscious of your energy, when you do gratitude, journaling and positive affirmations and energy work and meditate and breaking and the infinite number of things that can help lift you up you're in that higher place. So I find it is far easier to help people by
giving them a hand down to them and helping them up than being in the muck and thinking we're all victims and that life just sucks and we're all trying to shove each other on our back and give you one more boost in that than to the higher level of the shit pile. So be you love you and that comes through in all that you do. That's what we, I intend to be more contagious than anything else we might run into.
Jenn Junod
And my follow up question was gonna be, what words of encouragement do you have for our audience? But I feel like you kind of filled it in there.
Andy Grant
Yeah, we jumped to that.
Jenn Junod
All right. Then. Last thing for you, Andy, what is something that you're grateful for?
Andy Grant
Oh my, so many things, I am grateful that I have talked to four clients this week all about worthiness. I find that that is at the root of so many individual problems. Be it relationship job starting your own podcast. Am I worthy of that? Am I good enough? We, we all have these oldest core wounds and until you can speak of them and share them, you have no shot at healing them.
We are all more like than we realize none of us are the victims that we might claim to be and we can all take responsibility for our lives and uplevel our lives and thereby up level the lives of everybody connected to us. 100
Jenn Junod
and hard work. And that is something that I also want to mention because I am very grateful that last minute I had to tell you that I couldn't do our episode because I'm starting E MD R therapy and working through that shit is hard. It is so hard yet I'm working through in finding where I struggled with my worthiness where I struggled because I've always had confidence that doesn't mean I had worthiness.
They, they are two totally different things and I'm so grateful and thank you for being open to changing the date and moving our recording because that gave me the space to feel what I was feeling. That was very unexpected. I didn't know that was going to happen. Now, I know a bit more to prepare for it and to share that space with everyone to have these conversations in.
I like saying the word see through or the word see through instead of authenticity, becau or transparency because they, they can be a little buzzy right now. And thanks for being so see through with me today.
Andy Grant
My pleasure. I like that. I like that term. I'll be covered in saran wrap from now on.
Jenn Junod
I like it. I like it. Well, thank you Andy and I look forward to keeping in touch.
Andy Grant
Beautiful. Thanks so much.
Jenn Junod
Ok, before we go, can we just like both smile at the camera for like 10 seconds really quick or like five seconds so I can grab a screen grab when we're done.
Andy Grant, Jenn Junod
It looks like it looks like the, the fake after the author.
Andy Grant
Dizzy spiel. Here's the fakes thing possible. We'll smile over at the camera.
Jenn Junod
Andy. Ok. Well, I'll have something in there. Thank you for today. I really appreciated it. Is there any feedback that you'd have or anything that you wish we did differently?
Andy Grant
No, I, I go in the moment I try to follow your lead. I, and I'm I'm much used to being the host. So when I, when I get this, when I speak uninterrupted, like I hope it's landing somewhere. It is.
Jenn Junod
It is. And II I really appreciated that you were able to bounce around with me. Not everyone can do that.
Andy Grant
Yeah, I mean, the only clothes I was like, you know, I wanted to get in there somewhere. There shouldn't be shit that no one wants to talk about.
Jenn Junod
Well, we'll get there eventually maybe a bit.
Andy Grant
But that's how, that's how I'll promote this. There shouldn't be shit that no one talked about.
Jenn Junod
But until there is listen to this show, yeah, it's, the show is called Sh!t You Don't Want to Talk About and the all social media and website is Shit2TalkAbout with the number two just so that way it was easier to find because we need to change the mindset of shit you don't talk about to Shit2TalkAbout because it's important to talk about these things.
If that's not in your intro or promo, it should be, it will be, it will be, I need to record my intro episode of like, I have the trailer out but I need to actually like, do my intro episode that launches on the second and I'm like, I have, you know, at least I'm recording my episodes.
Andy Grant
Yeah. Right. You do what you do? Yeah. And let it go where it goes and but it, yeah, it's funny like I just had this this the vibrational chart of emotions does have to be print out like this. I was talking with a client about it yesterday. But it just like it's funny that that came up and yeah, we raising a vibration like this reading the secret was the first spiritual thing I discovered.
Oh, I love that book. Oh, yeah. No, no, no one ever told me. Like I was told I was at the mercy of my thoughts and emotions and the people was like, wait, you controlled. I'm like, what? No one said that to me before.
Andy Grant, Jenn Junod
So, you know, it's true.
Jenn Junod
It's true. Well, thanks for going on this wild ride and I'll talk to you soon. Thanks Andy.
Jenn Junod
Well, we appreciate you listening to the episode, please, like follow and share on our social media at Shit2TalkAbout. That is shit. The number two talk about stay tuned on Wednesdays and Fridays for new episodes. This episode was made possible by production manager, Tom Nan, business manager, Bill Powell and your host, Jen.
