S1 E54 Shit2TalkAbout Planning on Your Funeral with Jamie Sarche
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Jenn Junod
Hey, Jamie, thank you for joining shit. You don't want to talk about.
Jenn Junod, Jamie Sarche
Please introduce yourself and what shit you wanna talk about and thank you so much.
Jamie Sarche
For having me. I am Jamie Sara. I am the director of prep planning at a family owned funeral home in Denver. And I am actively trying to help people be less afraid of talking about death. That's what I've been doing for the past 13 years. And I just really believe that death is part of life and should be approached that way. And I'm trying to help people to feel that as well.
Jenn Junod
Oh jeez, I always feel like with when I wanna be like, oh that's so cool or I'm like that shit people don't wanna talk about. So how is that gonna be cool. Yeah. And we've talked in the month of March, I know we're not sure when this is gonna air but in the month of March without even planning it, we had two death episodes back to back. One was about how he lost his husband and how he doesn't appreciate the way people say, oh I'm so sorry for your loss, those type of things because it's not very
sincere. It's like a hey, how are you? Yeah. And then the very next episode was an introduction you made about a death dua. And so the education behind planning for conceptualizing and taking a course about planning for your funeral or death or you know, getting those aligned. And I really appreciated what she had to say. Now we're working on spacing out our death conversations because it's, it's tough mortality is something that so many of us don't want to face.
I could say. and we're also gonna be talking later on with Golden Mia about what it's how to start preparing for these type of situations when you're a single person without Children. And what are you gonna do when you're older and need help? So we're kind of, we're going through all the spectrums yet. This shit sucks. This is why nobody wants to talk about it.
Jamie Sarche
I, I'm not so sure. I mean, I don't think it sucks. I think that it is scary and it's scary because it's in the dark. We don't know anything about it. We haven't been taught anything about it and we are acting told we shouldn't think about it. And so there's just, it just weighs on the back of our heads and makes us feel weird that we're thinking about it.
And I, I just think that when we can turn on the lights, it makes people a lot and more empowered and they can relax about it. Planning ahead thinking about these things, figuring out, you know, what a memorial service or funeral should look like getting the plans put in place. I cannot tell you how many of my clients, over the years have just leaned back in their chairs and said, oh, that was so much easier than I expected. I had somebody yesterday say that she was terrified and she was
talking about her 93 year old mother's plans and, you know, felt like, wow, we really better get those in place because that doesn't feel theoretical. And then at the end of the meeting, she was like, oh my God, I really need to do my own plans. This was great. I'm so glad to feel empowered about this and to get my arms around it and to understand what it's gonna look like, that's a big part of fear is not understanding what things are gonna look like.
Jenn Junod
I, I, I'm thinking about it and it's scary even just I, I can picture myself going in and trying to find out a lot about a lot of this information going through. The situation would feel a lot different than as I'm talking to you now. No question. And I am, I'm just picturing that feeling of being in like in the situation going through it and how emotional it can be.
And before we kind of dive into to that side of things and you know, a few of the possibilities and what people can plan. How, how in the world did you get into this? Because I feel like you are one of the most talkative people per pe people, people that I've met and I'm like, you, you work with the, how are you, how can you be a people person in debt? What?
Jamie Sarche
Yeah. So first of all, I'm not working with the dead. I'm not a funeral director. So I help people put their own plans in place long before they're needed. So I am typically working with people 2030 40 years before their death occurs. I'm not there at the time of a death. But I will say for those people, they are also talkative and friendly and lovely humans.
So I really fell into this job. I am somebody who likes to talk about hard stuff. I have always been that person. I was the person who my friends would turn to if they needed to share that they were dealing with an eating disorder or they were worried that they were pregnant or they were worried, they had an STD. I was the person that they would turn to because they understood I could handle it and I could help them figure out how to get their needs met.
I was a peer counselor in high school when I went to college. It was when the A I DS crisis just began in the eighties. And I was teaching A I DS education in my college and just trying to help people to learn to talk about the things that scare them, talking about death and talking about sex are actually incredibly similar. You know, a couple of decades ago or generations ago, we would teach Children about their body parts using euphemisms and we would talk about their wee wee and their
PP and the, their hoo ha. And it's because that made the adults feel more comfortable, but it made the kids think that their body parts were shameful and weird and that they should never talk about that stuff. And so God forbid somebody was touching them in an inappropriate way or they had an infection or something like that, they could never share it because they were told to be ashamed.
And I think that that's exactly how we deal with death. We don't use the word death. We don't use the word die. We talk about that. Somebody passed away after a long illness where they fought their hardest. I'm not sure why we have to do that. We should just really embrace the fact that all of us are mortal. It's not a flaw in the system. It is the system and embracing that fact can empower us. It doesn't make it less scary to lose someone we love.
That's a separate issue. Although I will say that our inability to talk about death makes us very unable to support people who are dealing with grief. You know, we just don't want to be part of that and we'll say to them, you know, I'm so sorry for your loss. But can you please go in the corner and come back when you're ready not to look so sad or it's causing me pain?
Jenn Junod
Yeah. Or we're only there for the first couple months yet a death. And the impacts of that can a last a lifetime yet some of the loneliest times are after, you know, that first three month period when people no longer check in. Yeah. And I'm just thinking about like, everything you've, you were talking about with, you know, when your friends might be pregnant, they reach out to you and those type of things.
I, I'm, I'm very curious then of how do you specifically talk about these hard topics, like back then or, you know, even now any suggestions on how to talk about hard topics?
Jamie Sarche
Yeah. so I really learned, I mean, I don't know that I really had my arms around the fact that that was really a skill of mine, until I was about 26. and my friend Michelle, who I've known since ninth grade and whose husband I had been very close friends with, since we were four, got diagnosed with the glioblastoma. So that's the brain tumor that killed Ted Kennedy.
It killed, John mccain. People don't live with it. It just, it's a terminal disease. However, most people around Michelle, 99% of people around Michelle were talking to her as we normally talk to someone who's ill and said, you know, you're young, you're strong, you'll beat this. And I didn't do that and really what I did was go to her and say I'm available for whatever you need to say.
And we had Children. At about the same time, she had a 10 month old, I had a two year old. And, you know, I just said, you know, what does this feel like to know you're not gonna be available to raise max? And are you scared? And, you know, just gave her room to say whatever she needed to say when the vast majority of people would shut her down if she tried to say something And they didn't want to express their own fears because they were worried they would make her feel worse and she was
worried they, she would make them feel worse. And so people couldn't interact with each other in an honest and authentic and connected way because of the fear. And I just, I don't know, I just didn't do that and it really, I think it was helpful to her and it was really helpful to me. I could live with her, death with a lot more grace, but it allowed me not to be armored up when I was around her.
I didn't have to run away because I wasn't afraid of what was happening to her. I hated what was happening to her. It was, it was painful and, and incredibly grief inducing and she's been gone for 25 years and I, I might cry right now because, here it comes. it, it is awful and being able to be truly present and interact in an authentic and vulnerable way was so important.
Jenn Junod
I wanna take a pause there because that's something that I think a lot of us it's hard to sit with. Ah, it's something I've been learning on the podcast is, sometimes it's hard to sit with when I see people cry or when I have emotion come up because it's uncomfortable and I, I really want to change that stigma because as you're talking about that fear or, you know, the shame or wanting to make others un like not make them uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable is what creates growth. Yes.
Jamie Sarche
Yes. And connection, especially in this kind of way, like we have to allow for discomfort. Most people, when someone shares something that is painful, they will say something rescuing, you know, just oh, but you have so much to be grateful for, oh, you're so strong, you're so brave. You're so this, that and the other as opposed to saying when somebody says this sucks, we can just say, yeah, it does. And I can sit with you in the suckiness.
Jenn Junod
That is one thing. two examples that I really wanna give for just showing up when it sucks is when you and I, we were supposed to, we're recording now in March and we were supposed to be recording in January or early February and you picked up that my energy was just off and I just got it done with a very difficult episode. I don't even remember what it was.
It was just very emotional for me and I was tired from everything else going on and you just picked up on that vibe and was just like, cool, let's just talk. We don't have to record, we can record whatever you want. Let's just talk. And that was something that was very, made me realize and to also practice what I preach of, I've always been there for other people when they need that, that grace.
And to actually allow myself that grace. And you taught me that. And so now it's a practice that I have that yesterday. I was having a really horrible morning and it was the Monday of all Mondays for me and Tyler and I had a call with my writing coach and I just told her I was like, yo, dude, I get that we're just meeting for like the second time ever. And I was in tears because of what was going on. And she was just like, hey, we can just sit here, you can tell me what's going on or, you know, we
can do the call later, like whatever you need. And I was like, and I told her what was going on, but it helped me get over it where I wasn't like holding on to the issue that I was able to move on with our call and move forward. And I, I really want to mention that to for others to allow that grace to themselves and also allow that grace for others.
Jamie Sarche
No question. I I teach a class called the Gift of your presence. And it, it is, you know, really about holding space for others as they're going through difficult things. And one of the very important tenants of that is that you have to allow others to hold space for you and learn how to accept care. Don't just say, oh no, I'm fine, which is a big problem I have, I am much better at taking care of others and allowing others to take care of me. And I'm really good at en encouraging others to
share and I'm not as good at sharing myself. So it is really incredibly important that we learn both those things and, and you know, one of the things that is so valuable in connecting with people is showing up in an authentic and vulnerable way. We love people love when other people are vulnerable and we are terrified of being vulnerable ourselves. And, and it just is such an important practice to allow things to just unfold.
Jenn Junod
Yes, I there's a, a piece that reminds me of that of I have very avoidant tendencies that is really how I got through my adolescence. And I can mention in bullet points, everything that I went through yet, it's taken me a very long time to start dealing with the emotions tied to it and feeling the emotions instead of just shutting them down. And that's something that even to this day, I, instead of when something bad is going on, I may avoid the feeling right then.
But Tyler looks at me funny and I think it's the end of the world and it's definitely something that learning that about ourselves. And so much of this goes into self reflection. Now, I would think if going with self reflection, I think that really leads into learning about how to prepare for what we can't and preparing what we can do for our loved ones when we pass because especially in a relationship, like if we, I'll do it because, Tyler and I aren't planning on having kids.
but if it's just Tyler and I pass away, he's not gonna know what to do with me. You know, like that is on my to do list. Maybe if he listens to all the episodes, he'll probably get it because I talk about it throughout there yet. So many will not know what to do with their parents or their grandparents or an uncle, an aunt. And if, if I were to walk into the funeral home and talk to you, like, what does that look like?
Jamie Sarche
Yeah. So what I would say is doing this from a point of strength long before it's needed, makes all the difference in the world. I mean, I meet with so many people who will say, well, I don't know what I want. So my kids will just handle it. And I'm like, if you don't know, how on earth are they supposed to know? And they're supposed to know on the worst day of their life when they can't think.
I mean, it's just such a selfish, it's a, I'm sorry to say that, but I just think that that death denial, that inability to take care of our own mess is incredibly selfish. And we, we think that it's just about getting rid of the body. You know, we've got a dead body, we gotta get rid of the dead body. And that's true. We do and there are many choices for how to do that.
And we can talk through those if you want, but there also is an incredible need, a human need for ritual to be able to process that loss and create a new normal, a path to walk on in our bereavement. There have been rituals around death since neanderthals. I mean, neanderthals buried their dead and we should be caring for our dad because taking care of them, taking them from where they are to where they need to be, helps us in creating our normal new normal to get from where we are to
start on the path to where we need to be. And life cycle events demand marking. We have, you know, birthday parties, we have anniversaries, we have graduations and all of those things have ritual at, tied, tied to them. Do you have any idea why we wear a cap and gown for a graduation? No idea. I don't have any idea either, but that's how we do it.
Jenn Junod
I'm, I'm gonna Google it right now.
Jamie Sarche
Yeah. Well, but it's not important. The, the re, the important part is that's how we know where we are, that gives the context to know how to feel. It helps us to access the emotion about it. And that's what a funeral or memorial service does. It gives us the context to know how to process. I don't have it.
Jenn Junod, Jamie Sarche
It gets stuck as just because I'd be stuck on it just because we talked about it.
Jenn Junod
If I were listening to a podcast and the Google say things like the gown and hood was a purpose of keeping students warm. Historians believe that gowns and hoods were introduced to distinguished students, religious and scholarly status. And then another one say, that is for, to symbolize recognition and achievement. While hoods are no longer used for warmth, they remain a decorative piece re representing the field of study.
I never knew that. And I think that really leads into how you were talking about that. We don't have that tradition with death and yes, some cultures do yet. I know that in my family, we don't really have a tradition.
Jamie Sarche
Well, so you probably do generations before. because people were more religious and so religion has a lot of ritual. Ok? But as people step away from relig religion, especially organized religion, I mean, so many people say I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. So when they step away from those religious traditions, they don't understand that the religion has ritual, ritual is important for its own sake.
And so finding something that matters for them, like, on Sunday, I went to a laying out ceremony. and it was for the first body that was composted in Colorado body. Composting is legal in this state. And there was some ritual around that person's body being done in the composting process. And 100 people came and I know that his parents were there.
It was a young man who was about 19 years old. I know that his parents were there and I promise you I could pick them out of the crowd because I could see what was happening to them emotionally. And it was valuable and it was valuable to everyone there even though I didn't know that person, but it's valuable to have ritual. And for his parents, I am quite certain that it helped them in their grief process to have that ritual.
And regardless of the method of disposition, whether it's burial or fire cremation, water cremation, body composting, there needs to be a communal event where people come together and remember and comfort each other and talk about that person and talk about what their life is gonna look like without that person. It's incredibly important to us as human beings to talk about things and to be with other people who also care about that person.
And when we just make it about, there's a dead body, we gotta get rid of the dead body. We miss out on the ability to do that and then we, we just don't process the grief. It just stays with us and we just push it down and push it down. And eventually it comes out in some other way in depression or anger or you know, having our loved one just look at us wrong and then we don't understand why we're so upset.
Jenn Junod
Yeah, I to just backtrack a little bit. I, you said you went to a laying out and I, you mentioned the composting. Could you kind of connect the dots there because I don't quite understand what laying out is.
Jamie Sarche
So it's a new thing. So in Colorado, there is body composting, which is the, the body is placed in a vessel with organic material. Typically alfalfa and wood chips. It's a 4 to 1 ratio of the body weight to the organic matter. The vessel has incredibly good airflow and it just facilitates the decomposition process. So, composting happens if you do a green burial, no embalming a biodegradable casket or no casket that happens in the ground in a at a cemetery if you do it that way.
But this is not at a cemetery, this is in a box. And so this body was in a box for several months and decomposed completely to become soil. And the, the Yeah, and the box of soil was taken to the Colorado Burial Preserve in Florence, which is south of Colorado Springs. And there was a person, a celebrant who led a ceremony who talked about this process, talked about revitalizing the earth, talked a little bit about the person whose body it was.
but and then everybody participated in working that soil into the land to revitalize it. So it was a beautiful time to be together and to learn about this process and how we can if we want have our bodies really go back to the earth to make a difference for the land that we really can be doing something positive for the earth and can be doing something positive for the people that we leave behind to give them a path to walk on when they need it.
Jenn Junod
There's a, there's a few questions coming up for me. That one. I would definitely like to talk about the different types of options we have for. This is a body. And then also after we talk about that, I how to handle this because I, I definitely feel like I'm coming from a place of privilege, being able to go, OK? Cool. Like I can plan for this, I'll be able to afford it at some point, those type of things where there's so many individuals that don't have that
type of fund or, you know, know where to go to start planning these type of things. So I would like to talk about that after we talk about the different, what you do with the body.
Jamie Sarche
Ok, great. So there's many options in Colorado. There are not that many options elsewhere. The body composting is legal only in several states. but likely it will become legal in more states going forward. So there is what people kind of refer to as traditional burial. That means the body would have, would be embalmed, the blood is removed and replaced with embalming fluid, which is similar to formaldehyde if you remember, you know, dissecting a cat in ninth grade, physiology.
That's what happened to that cat. It was embalmed. There's really no reason to take the blood out of the body and replace it with embalming fluid. except that it's what has been done for a long time. It came into being around the civil war and it really is about preserving the body. So in that kind of case, typically, the body would be in a metal casket, maybe a metal outer burial container.
It's got a very high carbon footprint. It's gonna take a long time for the body to go back to the earth and because the casket and vault are typically sealed, what happens is that the body kind of liquefies and, yeah, it's gross and there's really not a reason to do that.
Jenn Junod, Jamie Sarche
do the bones stay when the body liquefies or the bones I've never opened the casket.
Jamie Sarche
So this is what I understand. I think everything would eventually kind of liquefy, but it's gonna take a long, long, long, long, long time to do that.
Jenn Junod
Right.
Jamie Sarche
and it's, I mean, it's, there's no reason to do it that way except that some cultures traditionally, that's what they do. And so that's a good reason right there. That's a good reason. green burial is, a much more environmentally sound choice. And what happens in that case is the body is washed, it is not embalmed. There are no chemicals added to the body.
it would be wrapped in a shroud typically or some other biodegradable material. it can be laid in, a plot, a cemetery plot without a casket or it can be in a biodegradable casket. unless the cemetery requires it, there's no need for an outer burial container. And even if they do, you require it to hold up the ground, it could still likely be set into the plot into the ground without anything on the bottom.
So it would still rest on the earth and go back to the earth. That is an in a very environmentally sound way to do it. The body will become compost and soil, it will all go back to the earth and it pretty quickly, you know, in a couple of years, the bones probably take longer but pretty quickly. And that is a great way to do it and it is a great way to do it for the bereaved because it gives them a place to go.
It's a way to take their loved one from where they are to where they need to be. There's some ability to keep connected with your ancestors because of a a headstone. So there's really beneficial reasons to do green burial. There is also what we know, what a lot of people do and think is a good choice is fire cremation. A lot of people think that's a good choice because they think it's environmentally sound and they are wrong.
It's not good. They think it's environmentally beneficial because they say, well, I don't want to use up space so they don't want to be in a cemetery. but fire cremation has a very high carbon footprint. It's about the the amount of fossil fuels as a cross country trip, the body is placed in an oven. It's called a retort. It's in an open flame.
So the flame is used to burn off the tissue and then when that was all done, the bones are processed. So what we think of as ash is actually ground bone, that ground bone is filled with fossil fuels. So when people scatter it, it might kill the plants that they scatter it on. It is not healthy for the environment in any way. There is another option that does reduce the body to bone that can be processed.
That is environmentally sound. And that is known as alkaline hydrolysis. It's also called acclimation, water cremation. We're trying to come up with different words for it. And the body is placed in a vessel with water and an alkali that's similar to liquid soap. And that's what's used to dissolve the tissue. And and then the bones are processed similar to in a fire cremation, but in this case, they're filled with nutrients, they don't have fossil fuels in them. So if we wanna
scatter them, they actually will be beneficial to plants. And the water solution is taken to a flower farm. So that's used. So that is also an environmentally friendly choice. That's actually what Archbishop Desmond Tutu just did. at the time of his death, he had alkaline hydrolysis for to care for his body after he was after there was a funeral where he was present in an all wood casket. So that's a really good choice. And then did I already talk about the body composting?
Jenn Junod
Yeah, because we talked about the body compost with with the, the young man. And yeah, thank you with the body compost and then the, the green burial. Yeah, the in the state of Colorado, do you need to be buried in designated areas or can you just be like anywhere?
Jamie Sarche
So in Colorado, you, you could be buried in a cemetery or you could be buried, on land that was zoned appropriately. So like if you had a ranch, you could be buried on your ranch, but I couldn't be buried in my Denver neighborhood.
Jenn Junod
Got it. I and with the composting since so many people want to spread ashes and want their like remains throughout the earth. Could you do the same type of thing with the compost?
Jamie Sarche
You absolutely could, but it creates a lot of compost. So because it's a 4 to 1 ratio of organic material to the body, it creates about a truck bed full of compost. So most people are not gonna want that brought to their house. So most people are gonna get like an urn full. They would get like a bag of it, but there is nothing human about it. It is not your loved one anymore.
It is soil that might represent your loved one, but it is not your loved one and you could still have that kind of psychological connection to it. I think people do, but it's not actually your loved one. So like in the water cremation scenario, that is their bone. So it is their DNA in body composting. There is no DNA.
Jenn Junod
Interesting. Yeah, that you just taught me a lot about this stuff and never knew or that you ever knew.
Jamie Sarche
You wanted to know.
Jenn Junod
Exactly. Exactly. This is why it's shit you don't want to talk about.
Jamie Sarche
Like, I'm not sure about these. And I do wanna say, you know, you've said, that some people wouldn't be able to afford this. If you do it early enough, you absolutely can afford it. What happens in this situation if you wanna plan ahead and this is what I help people do the funds for it get held by an insurance product. So what we do is we figure out exactly what you want and it gets charged in today's dollars, funerals, memorial services, these kinds of services double every 7 to 10
years. So doing it now you get today's prices, the funds get held in an insurance product that you can pay over time. My husband is paying for his over 10 years. I'm long done paying for mine. I did it five for a five year payment plan. But if God forbid, I had gotten hit by a bus the day I started the plan and had paid $80 for the first month.
I would, my family would not come up with a dollar and they would have just had to make one phone call to get the plan put in place and then they could go about grieving. They don't have to make the pragmatic decisions that I have already made.
Jenn Junod
And when we're, we're talking about and thank you for answering that question when we're talking about making these plans and of course, not wanting to answer all the questions and not leave you out of a job. What, what type of questions should we be asking ourselves? Because when you were talking earlier about like what type of ceremony you might want?
I, I would probably say I want everyone to wear really bright colors and have a party and everyone talk about something that they're grateful for. You know, that's, that's something that is really close to home for me. And I'm not, I don't want people, you know, just all wearing black because colors is what it's about, especially sparkly overalls.
Jamie Sarche
OK? Then, I think that's great and if, if you can't put me out of a job because to do what I do, you have to do it with me. If you wanna just write in your will, I want everybody to wear sparkly colors and, say something they're grateful for. I think that's beautiful. By the way. I think that's a great idea. But what I'm gonna do with you is help you figure out what, how is your body gonna be cared for and we're gonna put together a file that says you're gonna have whatever disposition you're
gonna have. You wanna have this event at whatever place we'll talk through all those places. You wanna have a newspaper notice, you want your family to be driven in a family car. You want this kind of cast, I'm gonna take everything you need for the death certificate. I'm gonna help you get that all put in place. And when you have the specific request, I would put that in my file as well because what happens at the time of a death is people don't go to the safe deposit box, they go to the
funeral home and sometimes they've forgotten what their loved one told them because they can't think. And so if it's in the file at the funeral home, it gets done. And otherwise people, you know, six weeks later go, oh my God, we were supposed to do da da da. And then that's difficult in their grieving because they didn't do it the way they should.
You know, one thing that I love Jen is you actually have some ideas about what you want. The vast majority of people I talk to will say, what do I care when you're dead? You're dead, which I really think is a death denial. or they'll say, well, I just want a celebration of life and I don't want anybody to feel sad. I think that's wrong as well because people should be able to feel whatever it is that they feel.
And when they're told they're just supposed to be happy and they're supposed to have a party. A lot of times people feel like their grief is wrong. And so I really think that the way you said this to say, you know, I'd like everybody to wear colors, and share some wisdom and share what they're grateful for. That is beautiful. That's not you saying.
And just, you know, ignore the fact of their feelings, they should feel whatever they feel and sometimes they're gonna be telling jokes and they're gonna laugh and it's great. But sometimes they're gonna need to cry and that's great too because it just is honest and authentic and vulnerable and they should be whatever they are.
Jenn Junod
Yeah, just showing up instead of, you know, so like morphing to what we think other people need or want or, you know, what we should be doing. Now, I know that we're gonna be wrapping up soon and we covered a lot of topics of how to have difficult conversations to, you know, what to start thinking about to prep for your, funeral as well as different burial types and your background. Is there anything that you wanted to talk about that we haven't talked about yet?
Jamie Sarche
I just, I want people to start feeling more comfortable in this space and to understand that it's safe, it doesn't make anything happen. It just makes it a lot more navigable when it does happen and it will someday and I think that that's one of the things that COVID has really taught us and that might be a silver lining of COVID that we are all vulnerable. We don't know when this stuff is gonna happen. I also really do think that COVID because we couldn't have ritual, you know, because
we couldn't gather that it helps people to understand that this stuff is really important. And so that's what I would say and I would say, instead of pushing it away and saying, you know, I don't want to think about this or I can't afford it, just talk to somebody like me and find out, you know, just see if it makes sense. It might not but have the conversation and see if it does.
Jenn Junod
Thank you for that. And, and that's also something as you were talking about like your plans. There's been we in March, we had a guest that talks about the backup plan and putting all of the documentation somewhere. So people know what to do if you pass or you get ill and you're in a coma or something like that.
And then we also will be having a lawyer that deals with wills. Come on to the show. I am curious on, especially in your role with y somebody prepares for all of this. What happens if they move out of state?
Jamie Sarche
Yeah, that's a great question. Thanks for asking that. So the funds are held by an insurance product. So if they move out of state, that product goes with them and I help them find a funeral home wherever they've moved to. the one thing though is that funeral home in the other state is likely not gonna say, oh, you know, Feldman mortuary charges in 2022 were such and such will match that.
But every dollar that's in the policy that I provide to them is available at the other funeral home. Now, be careful because that is not always true. If you use a corporately held funeral home, they will give you the value that you paid. Not what it grew to. The insurance keeps growing. And so using an independent funeral home and asking them what would happen if you move away is real important.
We don't know what's gonna happen, especially when you're a young person, you might move. You know what I tell people is if you're planning to move in six months, then don't do this plan. Now wait until you go. But you know, we don't know what the future is gonna hold for any of us.
Jenn Junod, Jamie Sarche
Do you know if all funeral homes offer this service they offer planning ahead?
Jamie Sarche
The question becomes, how do they, how do they fund those plans? You know, some, some funeral homes are not gonna lock in today's cost. they would, you know, it's real important to ask questions. Ok, I, I want to use a funeral home that, you know, people have used and, I would stay away from corporately owned funeral homes.
Jenn Junod
Ok. I'm just thinking about like, you know, people, we have people that listen worldwide and, huh, where in the world you would start? so that, that definitely answers that question. Now, what words of wisdom would you have for our audience?
Jamie Sarche
I think the most important thing is that death is not something we have to be afraid to talk about. It's safe. And when we turn on the lights, we can understand that we are braver and stronger than we knew. And the other thing that I would say is strength isn't being stoic. Strength is feeling whatever you feel. That's what strength is allowing that.
Jenn Junod
I completely agree and, and that can show up as showing up in absolute tears.
Jamie Sarche
That's right. Being brave enough to show up as you are. That's what strength is.
Jenn Junod
And now something that we didn't talk about, but I do want to touch base on before we get all your contact information is your TED talk. Can you tell us a bit about that? And what people need to Google to be able to look it up. It will be in, in the show notes though.
Jamie Sarche
Thank you. They can just Google Jamie Sara Ted and it will show up and it I think the title of it is breaking down the taboos around death. You know, it really is focused on, it's safe to talk about death and, and please do watch it, share it. and, and see if there is something you could glean from it and if you have some thoughts on, on it, I would love to hear them.
Jenn Junod
Awesome. And how do people reach out to you?
Jamie Sarche
So they can Google me. My name is Jamie Sara and they can also email me at Jamie J ami E at Feldman mortuary.com. I would love to hear from them. I'd love to connect with them on linkedin. I, I'm not doing Instagram or anything.
Jenn Junod
But I'm not gonna lie.
Jenn Junod, Jamie Sarche
That could be kind of weird Instagram.
Jamie Sarche
I don't know. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. It's all pictures, right? So whatever. Yeah.
Jenn Junod
Yeah, it could be.
Jamie Sarche
Yeah, we're cool.
Jenn Junod
Who knows? I know? I know. All right. And now before we go into the last piece, which is my favorite piece, the, the gratitude, I do want to say it won't be today's gratitude piece, but I am so grateful for those who have already donated to the cause of keeping the podcast going. This is something that I myself am so passionate about and really feel like it will make a difference in the world and making all of us feel a bit less alone in creating human connection.
So please listeners, please donate, even if it's like $5. It is something that will really help the podcast continue, especially while I'm out of work? And Jamie, what is something that you're grateful for?
Jamie Sarche
Well, this has been really a special conversation so I'm very grateful for it. Thank you. And, I am, I'm really so grateful that I am able to work in, to do work that I find so personally meaningful. It is, it's what I am meant to do. And I don't think that that many people get that. And so I'm so grateful that I get to do something that I feel so passionate about.
And I know I help so many people, you know, oftentimes people will say, you know, when somebody is going through a hard time has experienced a death, something like that, they'll say, oh, I wish there was something I could do. There is something I can do. And I'm so I, I, I'm just filled with gratitude for that.
Jenn Junod
Thank you and something I'm grateful for. And I've mentioned it. I think like three times already on the podcast is being able to just show up and you picking up that vibe, especially when I, when we were first supposed to record and having just that human connection conversation. I, I will say that it's really, really cool how many friends I've made from doing this podcast and connections.
And like throughout my entire life, yet, there's so many times where and this is when I get in very, very deep dark places is I feel like I put out so much energy and people don't always realize when there's something going on with me. And yes, that is something I need to work on to share when there is yet that made it that much more meaningful when you noticed. And I am so grateful for that.
Jamie Sarche
It, it, it is so meaningful to me. Thank you for sharing that with me. I'm so I'm so glad when I can make a difference for somebody. So thank you for letting me support you when you needed it.
Jenn Junod
Thank you, Jamie and talk soon. OK.
Jamie Sarche
Take care, Jen.
Jenn Junod
Bye.
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