S1 E46 Shit2TalkAbout Choosing Your Gender with Konnor; the kween
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Jenn Junod
Hey Connor the queen. Thank you for joining that. You don't want to talk about yourself and the shit you want to talk about.
Konnor; the kween
Sure. My name is Connor the queen. And I want to talk about authenticity, choosing positive and self motivation.
Jenn Junod
I love it now, before we dive in because I know that we talked a lot about a few different ways we could take this episode beforehand. And I think to set it up. Could you please tell us your pronouns?
Konnor; the kween
Absolutely. My pronouns are actually she her right now.
Jenn Junod
All right. So that begs the question and I, I appreciate your the candor and what your response was yesterday. And I feel like it just sets it up so well, of, are you transgender?
Konnor; the kween
Oh, wow. What a great question. That's, that's really interesting. And I, I can answer that in so many, so many different ways, you know, the transgender label is just like any other label, right? And, and it comes with a certain amount of pride that is beautiful and amazing and so authentic. So does the label gay or, or homosexual or lesbian, right?
The thing about those labels is that we made them up, right? We, we, we took the definition of a group of people and we had to put them in that box. I don't really think that the labels are all that important, right? And I think that being transgender and choosing to take on that label is a beautiful thing and could be in my process very soon or down the road, but it's not in my process right now.
It's not in my process of, of authenticity at this moment. Right. So what, let me, let me explain that as a kid, I had to come to terms with the fact that I was a white. Now, remember that I'm from Mississippi and I grew up in an incredibly conservative Christian religious, not that being Christian is bad, but Christian religious household. And the binary was just so specific, right?
And, and the details of those binaries were so incredibly ingrained in every aspect of everyday living, right? And I truly just did not identify with anything about being a boy, right? It wasn't necessarily about being a girl. However, I certainly thought that I was a girl just because I identified with so many of, of the feminine traits and qualities and, and inspirations and all of those things as a young child.
But I had to come to terms with the fact that I was a boy and, and truly, you know, through, through the conservative upbringing and the the the strict upbringing and the the religious upbringing and, and, and the Southern kind of judgmental mentality, my inner voice and, and spirit was was so crushed, it was so crushed. And so now that I have been in therapy for, for so many years, and I've had so many different life experiences that are, that have been so beautiful.
My inner voice has started to like rise and I was good to hear it and I was so good to listen to it, which is so great. And I, I realized that what was most important to me as a little dude was to not be a dude, you know, was to not identify as a little boy. And I, I just wanted, I, I just wanted to be accepted, you know, wearing, wearing women's clothes, you're wearing girls clothes. And I, and, and I just wanted to be accepted, you know, wearing makeup and jewelry and dancing and singing and
all that kind of stuff. And it was more an identification of self expression rather of gender. So to answer your question, you know, potentially down the road, I can take on that label, but for right now, my process is she her, I love that and thank you for answering that.
Jenn Junod
I, I feel like a bit of what we've talked about earlier this month with like vibrations and, you know, having a masculine and feminine side and I feel like newer generations have really helped this of having that open fluidity without, you know, as many labels on there. Yet, I feel like our brains just, it helps us if we put on labels just to like process things. And I'm, I'm curious because I love how you're like, hey, that may be a process at one point would in and this is something
that I think is not talked about enough with pronouns is how somebody identifies as pronouns versus like she heard, does that mean, I would refer to you as a woman or like when people are wanna go by, they, them, I refer to them as like we, I can refer to them as them or a human, you know. So, like, what would you say? They, it would work for you?
Konnor; the kween
Yeah. That's a really great question. It, at the end of the day, every single person that you encounter is just a human, right? Completely and whole, just a beautiful human. Now, for me specifically, I, I really, I really see myself as how do I, I don't honestly asking myself is like a celebrity. So that's obviously how I identify, but I love it.
Right. Right. As far as, as gender goes, I would, I would say in, in a lot of situations, probably in most situations, I'm one of the girls, right? But, but I do have a lot of guy friends and so if I'm in a group with like a lot of guys, I can still just be one of the girls, but I can really fit in with the guys, you know, and that doesn't mean that I have to like take on what they are talking about or really understand what they're talking about or really enjoy like a lot of the things that they
enjoy, but I can at least relate to them, right? In a, in a way that is relating to, to gender and relating to experience, right. because you can't and anyone can because we all have masculine traits and feminine traits. We all have a beautiful, feminine side and a beautiful masculine side. And whenever we try to shut down one of those sides and whenever people ask us to shut down those sides, we crush our own spirit or they crush our spirit.
Right? And so being able to, to identify as yourself, like one of the girls maybe, but still being able to relate to that specific side of you and life experience is true authenticity.
Jenn Junod
I'm letting that one soak in for a bit. Yeah, it's something that you and I also talked about beforehand and I think your answer is so beautiful is we talked about how it can be very inappropriate and judgmental as well as none of our business asking someone like where are they at on their transition or like how I just asked about, well, you're saying your pronouns, are she her then?
What is your gender like? Those are not questions that we necessarily need to ask yet at the same time? Nor does anybody need to reply because that's putting them a into a box and b putting the intellectual and emotional burden on someone else. And I love your answer of like helping someone understand, you know, how we have the fluidity and how we can show up in, in a lot of different crowds.
Could you, do you have any suggestions of somebody that might be struggling not only like working on identifying this all for themselves, but how to say, basically fuck off. I don't know, I'm still in the process, like how you kind of discovered that for yourself and what you would say to somebody else working through that?
Konnor; the kween
Sure. Yeah. So I think that we can all identify with the emotion, anger and that, that emotion I felt for a long time because so many people trying to like, really bring me down for, for several years, right? Whenever I moved to Nashville, I actually went to a religious school here, like in, in the town that I live literally 10 minutes away from it right now.
And I, I quickly learned that I wanted and wished to be relatable and friends with everyone, everyone, every single person while also staying true to myself. Right? And I really kind of took home the mindset of like, I'm making a difference and I'm making a change. And so I learned how to have conversations to people because honestly, like, sometimes people would ask me like, Connor, would you like to drink coffee?
And I'd be like, yeah, sure. That sounds great. And then they would ask me to tell them my life story and then they would come back with, well, I, I just don't believe in that. And I, I, and I, I, I'm afraid that you're going to hell, like stuff like that. And I learn how to be like, you know, I really can understand where you are with that. I really can.
I need you to know that my story is my story and your story is your story. And I, I want you to have your story and to love it and to live it and to learn every day and grow. And I hope that you can allow me that journey as well. And if you can't, I really need to take a step back and really just not be around you to be honest. And you can say that you can say I need to, you can say this to a parent, to a friend, to anyone.
I need to take a step back and do me and let me figure out how I can come back to this relationship if I choose to. And it there's a o oftentimes people that wanna bring us down, do it with such aggression and force, right? And I think that that's where a lot of the fear and anger comes from in my community and a lot of the communities that relate to it. So if that's happening to me, if that's happening to us, why would I want to actively choose that negativity and respond with that negativity?
Because I don't have to, I can choose positivity and still say taking a step back, right? So you don't have to say, fuck you for saying that go fuck up like you don't you don't have to, you can, you don't have to and, and think about, think about it. How does that serve anything? How does, how does responding with aggression and anger on both sides? Right? How does that serve anything? What change, what difference are you gonna make? Who's gonna listen to you? Not many people.
Jenn Junod
I'm processing that one because it's like I just want to jump up and cheer on just the right Like you are, you're such a beautiful human. And I love that you wanted to come on the podcast to talk about the truth and auth authenticity. See if I can talk right. I'm getting there, I'm getting, you got it, you got it and being, you know, a voice to the so many that are struggling and also talking
about how you've gotten to this point. I absolutely love something that you told me about and I'm hoping you're willing to share it. Well, we'll find out of how bolden you are.
Konnor; the kween
Oh, darling. Oh, that word just every time I hear it just, I feel like butter just oozes down my body. I just love it. Ok. So I, I, I dealt with, I dealt with quite a bit growing up, right? I, I dealt with a lot various various things, you know, a very aggressive household, a very masculine, aggressive household, the, the conservative religious upbringing that I really challenged and people were scared of that challenge.
And so people were scared of me as such a little kid. And I didn't, I didn't know anyway, so fast forward, you know, eventually going in my parents actually chose to, to place me into, a conversion therapy type of situation. And that had a large effect on me and then, you know, being in school and in Mississippi, I mean, that had a really large effect on me also just because school is hard for anyone, especially someone who is just trying to figure it out and people are trying to bring
down. So I had all of these negative definitions inside of my head of my own self. You know, I had negative negative definitions of my body, negative definitions of my expression, negative definitions of how I walked, how I talked really everything. And I was like God, something has to be better than this, right? So I, I got into to therapy and my therapist I've been seeing for about five years.
She is truly just an absolute gem and a lifesaver and has always believed in me and always told me that I could do it, you know, because she, she knew she knew that I, that I was actively choosing to, to better these definitions, right? And she wanted to get me there or she wanted to help me in my process as far as getting myself there really. And so I, I just, there was a, a certain definition of someone, someone actually someone very close to me called me disgusting.
Very. Actually one of my parents called me disgusting. It over and over and over again. And so I had this, like, complete disgust that I placed on myself. And my therapist was like, all right, Connor, we have got to come up with a different word, you know, like this is not helping you at all. And she said, what word do you like? What word, what, what, what color comes to your mind?
And I was like, my favorite color is gold. I just wanna be golden. And she said you are, you're golden. Tell yourself you're golden every day. And so I did, you know, II, I would wake up and I'd be like, no matter how just absolutely wretchedly sad. I would, I would say I'm golden, I would look in the mirror and I would say I'm golden in the shower, I'm golden in the car.
I'm bolden. And then my mind started, I had a really, really creative and imagination and imaginative mind. And so my mind started like booming and it was like, oh wow, what if you had gold hair? And so then I literally, I actually worked in a hair salon at the time. Iiii I dyed my hair like gold, like not just like blonde, like gold. And I, whenever that happened, I saw like the physical gold color placed on my, on my head like like a crown, honestly, like a beautiful golden tiara and it,
it oozed all over my body and all and it seeped into me and I was like, I am golden. And so now, I mean, my hair is it's more like a strawberry color now. But now I always have something golden on like right now my, my nails you might can see this color is gold and the rest are yellow. But I, I have something gold on at all times because I have to II I want to actively know that I am golden and I am reflecting gold.
Jenn Junod
I absolutely love that. And thank you for sharing that message. It was I comple complimented Connor's nails when we were doing our intro call and I got a S NBI of that story and I, I thought it was so amazing that you were able to change that mindset as well. Not only is it going from such something so negative?
Yeah. It's also something so beautiful and what it's become and you know, using our past to do that, something that you, you mentioned in passing yet. I'm not sure all of our listeners know what it is as well as I'd love some ideas of how you got through it. What is conversion?
Konnor; the kween
OK. Now, I did not go to a camp. OK. Yes, I did. I did not go to a camp. However, you know, around the time that I was 13, puberty is real and sexual awakenings are real. Don't, no one can lie about that. Everyone has a sexual awakening. It happens to everyone. Mine was really interesting because II, I mean, like I knew as a little kid that, I wanted like a husband and a house to pick a fence and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, but, you know, whenever sexual imagination starts to like,
turn and, and turn, I was like, what in the fat hell is going on that? Like I am really into guys right now and this could be a phase and I don't really know if liking guys is, I don't, I didn't, I didn't connect the fact that like liking guys sexually and honestly romantically also was how was how like people who, who also fit in my like born gender view like girls, I didn't realize that.
Right. I, I thought that, yeah, it, it was, it was really interesting and so I had to investigate that, but I could not investigate that using any type of person because no one was safe around me. So I used the internet. Ok, big mistake. big mistake for me. My parents actually found it. So it was pornography. My parents actually found it. And rather than knowing that I had to be scared and that I was so confused and, and just wanted to know what was going on.
They chose to send me to a therapist at, at another Christian school that I that was very close to para and I had to go to him once a week and once a week for about like six months. And it, that may not sound too miserable. But here are some of the things that he was saying to me, why? So around the same time that I, I started developing these feelings and, and around the same time that III I had to start going to this therapist, I actually started playing the piano and I, my soul committed and
latched itself onto that instrument. And I, and it inspired me. It drove me, it was how I got through life because I honestly, from, from about 13 until, until really about 19, I had to completely shut off. I had to like, turn off right, because it was all too hard. It was all really, really hard and I was completely alone in it. So, yeah, so I could turn on whenever I was playing the piano, right.
I could flip the switch. I would go into the session and he would say, what have you done this week? And I would say like, you've practiced a lot of piano hoping to be celebrated. And he would say this week when you wanna play the piano, how about you go play basketball? Yeah. So the entire, the entire idea of what I was going through was my, my parents and the therapist actually wanted to bestow loads of masculine traits onto me.
And, and really shove masculinity on me in order to completely omit the fact that I was sexually magically into guys. Now, you know, going to the therapist once a week was miserable because it was a giant secret and I couldn't tell any of my friends because, 00, my God. Why would I tell any of my friends? But now it didn't stop there. Right. Like, it carried on into home.
Like, I was not very close with my father at all. And I was, I was relatively, I was no, I was very close with my mom up until about 13 years old. In fact, I was really scared of my dad because he was an incredibly aggressive person and I am not a very aggressive person. So we just didn't mesh. Right. And he, he never chose to mesh with me either. So the therapist also tried to blame that on my sexuality even though my sexuality was formed well, before, you know, any type of like sexual
awakening. Right. Right. Because we all have some sort of innate note. And so whenever I would get home from school, I had to go outside with my dad and I had to help my dad and it all became my fault. Right. And so, and, and really the, the, the, the therapist that I was seeing was, was pushing these ideas and, and telling my parents that my dad needed to make every decision about my life.
And that my mom couldn't have a say. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I grew up in a denomination where women aren't really allowed to have any power. So, the fact that my mom had power over pretty much every decision that was made about me and the fact that I was born with the binary of mail that would, that had to change, you know? And so my dad who was just a person who chose not to relate to me at all in any way ever and chose to really only act forcibly onto me if he, if he felt like I was doing
something that he didn't like, right? The fact that that that had to happen and that I had to then completely submit to any decision that he made about me was really horrifying because I was already. And so that's kind of what the conversion therapy experience was like. It wasn't the conversion camp, but it was a the hissed and my parents working together in order to completely change and alter who I was as a person, which which crushed my spirit so incredibly much.
Now, I will say that everything that the therapist said, I, I knew it was complete bullshit even at 13 years old because it was absolute bullshit. And so I, oh God, I lied to him so much. I lied so much to that man's face and I don't regret that at all.
Jenn Junod
But yeah, that brings up so many more questions. And thank you for answering that. If a big question comes up for me of how did you had to hide yourself and lie to this person? And you said you hid yourself until about the age of 18. And how did you kind of like my mom has always said like when you're like, when too much negative energy is coming out, you put a golden bubble around you like a light bubble.
And so when you talk about golden that totally popped in my head, so keep going with that it, I just picture you as you know, from 13 to 19 as like this golden bubble around you protecting you and because you have all these negative people trying to force you and change you yet you've mentioned earlier about some of the struggles you had and changing it.
You what you were telling yourself to golden. And how did in my head, the best way of asking I think is how did you not let them win? Yeah. Come out as yourself your authentic self around the age of 19 or at least openly be like I'm me.
Konnor; the kween
Yeah, that's a really great question. Thank you for asking. So I, I grew up in theater. We, we ironically had and even in like the, the tiny, tiny, tiny conservative town that I grew up in, we had a, a really, really, really, really great community theater program which honestly saved my life. Oh my God. Like, completely saved my life. So whenever I got involved in the theater, I realized that I could at bizarre and I could, I, my, my, my voice could get as high as I wanted it to go and it
also could get as low as I wanted it to go in the same sentence. And people loved it because I was on a stage. Right? And so using that escape to realize, OK, this is now I just have to get through it because I can, I can feel as confident as I am on stage in my everyday life. I just know that I have to get through this and I have to escape. Yeah. So it, it was, it was a lot of determination and a lot of visualization, visual, visualizing is so important, a lot of determinate determination,
visualization and knowing that I will escape. Now, I will say when I first I went to college oh my God, I was a social butterfly guru just complete like sparkly tornado coming through my university. And I literally, I knew every single person on campus, right? And that was sort of the beginning of my confidence growing now. Yeah, that, that was kind of the beginning of, of me learning that, you know, being bizarre in my everyday life really has no effect on other people unless I let
it. And so that is kind of how I survived through that it. Yeah. It took a lot of determination and just, I, I really, I, I mean, honestly I just had to choose to know that it was gonna get better and that I was determined to make it better.
Jenn Junod
I really did that. Something that you said is your, your bizarreness will affect others if you choose it to and I'm gonna change it from bizarreness to amazingness. Yes. When we were talking about style, I was like, ok, cool. I have to wear my sequence outfit again today and be loud and proud because you are too. And you definitely inspired me to do that today and I appreciate it.
Yeah. Something that really caught my attention in. That was a, I love that you did theater because having that outlet and this has been a question people have asked me about my story and I've always had a hard time answering. It was like, well, how did you get through it? And something that always drove me as I was like, I don't know, I just knew I would like, I just knew I would leave this town.
I just knew there was something on the other side and for myself, I couldn't visualize that anything would ever get better that I like. That was, you know, almost 20 years ago now. Yet it's life is so much better and I can visualize now yet it was just like, so driven in me instinctively, not something I was consciously doing? Yeah, I know so many individuals are beaten down and they start listening to people that were like your therapist or your parents or, you know, a church, their
community and they get beaten down so much. Do you have any word, like words of encouragement or thoughts or how to continuously believe in yourself that you will get through this, that you will get on the other side? That as my mom would always tell me this too shall pass. You know, how did you keep that drive in yourself and find it? How do you find and keep it? Yeah.
Konnor; the kween
The great question of choosing, OK. Number one, choosing yourself every single day, choosing yourself every single day. Despite anyone's reaction is really important. I know that that can be really, really scary and honestly unsafe at times. But there is always a way that you can choose yourself, even if it is literally taking a sharpie and coloring your fingernail and then wiping it off immediately.
You can actively choose yourself in one small way every day. And I listen to a lot of really great motivational speakers. One in particular is Marissa Pierce. She is stellar. Anyone needs to go listen to her, but she talks a lot about successful people and what they have in common and every successful person has such a large amount of determination.
And if you, if you take your mind and you pinpoint that determination into beer is bitterness. I'm amazing. I'm amazing. I am golden. It will get better. I promise myself that it will get better and you shut out everything else and you zoom in on, it's going to get better. It will, it will you have to actively choose it though. Right. Like I, I sort of this new thing where I wake up every morning and let me tell you, I am in the past, I have not been a morning person, right?
And so I don't typically wake up very happy, however, I'll wake up every morning and no matter how I'm feeling or what's going on, I shall that I love my life. I, I shout that I love my life because I do. You know, and there were days, there have been days where I have absolutely hated my life, but I've chosen to tell myself that I do. You know Marissa Pierce says, tell yourself a better lie because you know, that's really interesting because if you tell it, like I told myself that I was
discussing for a long time, was that the case? No, that, no, that wasn't real at all. But big discuss, no one is disgusting, right? Disgusting is like a sewer that is not nn no one is a sewer. And so why would I tell myself that if I can tell myself something better? Right? And so you can really take the definitions and the things in your head and, and, and give yourself a better one, something better to say something better to feel.
You can give yourself those gifts, right? And it doesn't have to be large. You can remain safe, but you can actively choose yourself and actively choose positivity over the negativity. Always you have that decision and people oftentimes whenever they, they talk and they say things, we interpret those things however we want to, right? The we're, we're interpreting what we see every day. However, however, we are in that day, we're interpreting what we hear every day.
However, we are in that day, you can choose how you interpret things in your head. You know, like if someone comes up to you and they're like, you look like a sack of garbage, you can be like, I look like the most radiant beautiful sack of golden cloth that someone has accidentally tossed out of the window. Like you can choose to say that you can, everyone can.
Jenn Junod
I feel that you're talking about things that I didn't even realize that was the way I was getting through them. It was definitely something like I went through solitary confinement and as a kid, like I was only, it was up until the age of eight and I always just imagined, I'm pretty sure it's because of Aladdin. But I was like, there is like, I always imagine myself relating more to Aladdin than Jasmine because you know, she's in a castle.
I'm like, yeah, no Aladdin is the one that was able to go get the genie and go, you know, survive. And so even when I was, you know, locked in my room for weeks on end, I was like, there's a better world out there, there's something more out there. And I was always so curious and then we moved when I was eight and this is when the sexual abuse from my cousins really started.
And it's weird because I think it was always that like, there was always something telling me that there was something else out there, there was more out there in the world. Even by the time I was in high school, my boyfriend at the time was like, I'm gonna get out of this town like I hate this town. It's been, you know, I think I'm coming up on my 15th high school reunion coming up and he still hasn't left.
The town had been gone for 15 years. Yeah. Yeah. Now I mentioned those because it was never, at least for myself getting started. It was just always this thought of there's something more in the world, you know, it's a whole new world like Aladdin style and the Disney song, it's a small world after all. Like these are the two like random things that my little kid brain like ST to Yeah.
And it wasn't until probably my mid twenties that I started hearing these leadership courses or things like that that started talking about a gratitude journal and I started writing about what I'm grateful for and it really started changing my mindset from being a victim to a survivor and seeing that I had things to be grateful for, even if it's just, you know, somebody let me in on traffic or, you know, that I had a warm bed or that I, you know, had shelter over my head, something
even the bare basics. And now I'm starting to see how those type of things snowball to who I am today because it wasn't an overnight like in my mind, no one's an overnight success. It's always like, you know, people talk like how you're talking about that. It was always a choice of what you could say to yourself and about yourself. I myself, it was like, oh I can choose a positive.
I don't think I would ever be able to do that in that mindset that I used to be. But for myself, it was finding the gratitude. Because then it wasn't too, it wasn't directed towards me where I eventually chose positive about myself. And then also to your point about like when I've had it where especially when I'm on my intro calls. I like when we talked on our intro call, I just got done moving a bunch of furniture.
I was like, I am not getting ready and if somebody says that I look like shit, then they're probably not somebody I want to be around or if it's my friend or family, I personally, you're right. We don't always have to meet them with anger, but I've told them to fuck off or is there a problem because I'm showing up? And that's what a lot of people do. And I mentioned those because try beautiful humans listening. Try both, try, try things on to see if they sit in your toolbox, what works best.
And I love new sharing all of that Connor because we're seeing how much our mindset goes into things. And I do have another question for you. I've heard this phrase of coming out. You have to come out once, multiple times, you know, like not only are you coming out to like your closest community yet you have to maybe feel like find yourself in the community. And could you go into a bit more detail about what that journey was for you?
Konnor; the kween
Yeah, absolutely. But the thing about coming out is that no one really has like a it is all led up to the smell of it. I'm coming out, I am out her like, yeah. Yeah. But you, everyone who has to come out has to come out so many times to so many different people in every aspect of their life, right? You know, I didn't really get the opportunity to come out to my parents.
They made that decision for me. But after I kind of began to accept it and acknowledge myself. I did have to start coming out. Right. And I, I really wanted to, but it, it couldn't be a large explosion. I had to come out to one friend, ad come out to another friend. I had to come out to an aunt. I had to come out to my cousin. I had to come out to another friend.
I had to come out to a couple of, I, I had to come out to my childhood best friend who told me that she didn't support me and wanted me to go to hell, like, like I had to come out so many different times to so many different people who are all in such different avenues of lying, some supportive and some not but having to come out, it is not, you know, a one step process.
It is a large process that repeats itself over and over again. But remember that you're actively choosing yourself whenever you do now, whenever I chose to, to bestow she, her pronouns all over my beautiful life. I had to start coming out with that again. Right. So now I'm, I'm kind of repeating the process. It's a bit different this time because I'm so much more confident and I know exactly what I want and I know who I am.
So, you know, at first it was ok, my roommates and my best friends, I, I'm gonna tell them, you know, that I, that I'm considering it and I'm just gonna kind of see how that goes and then I'm gonna tell my roommates, ok, I, I want y'all and only y'all to refer to me as she her and then it became ok. I want my roommates and my best friends to refer to me as she her.
Then it became ok. I want my roommates, my best friend, my therapist and my boss to refer to me as she her, right? And now it's pretty much like gone through my entire life. And I, I'm, I'm actively choosing to, to, to use she, her pronouns, which is so amazing and beautiful. I actually came out to my aunt the other day and she had just had so many wonderful questions and I was really terrified.
I was really terrified of doing that, you know, of being brave and of of coming out to a family member, especially one who I, who I respect so much. And she, her main question was that she wasn't concerned at all about using. She, her main question was, well, you know, I thought you were gay and, and if you're gay, then, you know, how are you gonna have sex as a woman?
And I was like, oh, I was like, that's such a great question. Not really much is gonna change for me, you know, so the coming out process is a beautiful thing, but it happened so repetitively and, and honestly, like people who would come out become a pro by the time that they're done. And eventually you get to a point where you're just like, fuck it.
I don't care. Like I'm not gonna come out if you ask, they'll be like, yeah, what do you got to say about it or something? Yeah. And there's another layer of thought that it's so interesting. No, no, straight sis person has to come out and say I'm straight or I'm a woman or I'm a man that, that doesn't really have to happen and that's completely fine, you know, like that's great. And I'm glad that they get the opportunity to not have to do that.
But I, I hope, I hope that anyone who hears this, who, who may not understand, you know, who may not really get what, you know, being gay is really about or being transgender is really about or, or using different pronouns, you know, using them and pronouns using the opposite pronouns of what were put on you as a child. If you don't understand, that's fine. You don't have to, I didn't understand algebra in my school and that was OK.
Konnor; the kween, Jenn Junod
I, I'm sorry, I like algebra just that is a great relation.
Jenn Junod
Sorry to interrupt that. Just, no, I love that.
Konnor; the kween
I mean, that's honestly like, it's so it, it, you don't have to place this giant definition on this one thing that someone is telling you. It's just like algebra. If you don't understand it. That's ok. That's ok. But please please parents, religious people, preachers, ministers, friends, adults allies, everyone. If someone is coming out to you, that is an incredibly vulnerable moment that needs to be treated with care, emotion and love, please hear that.
Please understand that and please respect that. You do not have to understand it. You do not have to understand my story. You do not have to understand anyone's story but your own, you have to respect it.
Jenn Junod
I feel that, that I really hear you on that one. Yeah. Yes. The algebra thing took me for a whirl and I think that is the best explanation I've ever heard. Like that is so good. It's, it's something that I think you mentioned about how straight individuals that you know, don't have to go through a lot of that. And in something that I, I would would like the beautiful humans learning about, have them think about is starting this podcast.
It's called shit you don't want to talk about or social media is, you know, shit to talk about. It has a cuss word what they do. And you know, as our audience grows, as our social media grows, as our present grows. It has been getting more hate. And I've turned to my social media team, Tiffany and Chelsea's and I turn to them and I go, what do I do? How do I handle it?
Because sadly they're prosodic being married women is something they have to deal with this shit all the time. And I have privilege that I think is so important to call out on communities that are different from my own. And I'm seeing this also as a white heterosexual female because it's, it's our LGBT Q plus community. It is our minority communities.
It is, there is so much systemic privilege that we don't talk about that other people have to go through and when we're being judgmental and not respecting somebody else's stories, we're just being douche bags. Yeah. So it may be different. It may be, you know, something we may not be able to understand but like echoing what you just said, Connor, wes beautiful humans be respectful and something that I just, especially with the LGBT Q plus community that I've asked in a few of the
lives and in previous episodes of you've gone through so much shit and judgment and mean people in name calling and you know, you still take this platform to be able to advocate for others. How do you find that love and acceptance still when so many people have not shown you that kindness?
Konnor; the kween
I love that question. I had a, a really beautiful and great fantastic, great grandmother that my granny and I spent a lot of time with her whenever I was little because my just my household was a lot for me and I, I would just go stay with her a lot and So she was probably the most compassionate and most understanding person who would give like it.
He would, 00 man, she would just, if someone asked for her house, she would be like, well, I guess you can have it like she, oh wow. She, she was just the most understanding and beautiful person and I'm so thankful to have had that example, you know, to, to, to, to love and to be gentle and to respect others. So I, I think that that having that example really helped me and, and also like I will say, like I have an innate, I have some type of like determined determinative driven choice to, to
always find the good, you know, I've all, I don't, I've just, I've always been like that, I've, I've always wanted to just find the good and I think that that may have been because like, you know, I, I did have beautiful experiences, you know, with friends and, and with my grandmother and, you know, sometimes with my parents growing up. But, and so I, like I had, I had those good memories and I had those good things to hold on to where I felt good and I felt confident and no one was
questioning me as a little kid. But I, you know, all of those really horrible moments and things that I went through that were so just gut wrenchingly traumatic such as the name calling and, and the, the uncomfortableness and you know, all of those things that I, that I went through, I think that having the good things really should be like, ok, there has to be good in this somewhere and it, it, it will this too shall pass.
Konnor; the kween, Jenn Junod
Basically, I love that.
Jenn Junod
And it's something we've been hearing throughout these episodes. And I hope the beautiful humans lift name from all walks of life can see how to have more respect for each other, more love and acceptance for each other. I know that we're a little late on our closing. So just to double check though, because I'd rather take a little extra time than miss this. Is there anything that you wanted to cover that? We haven't yet?
Konnor; the kween
Oh, you know, I did have something that I, that I wanted to cover. I can't remember.
Jenn Junod
Well, we'll just do it live about it at some point. It'll be fine. We'll just do it live. That would be great. Yeah, we'll talk about it at some point. I do you have any other words of wisdom that you'd like to share?
Konnor; the kween
Yes, I was in an Uber the other day, John, the Uber driver spoke to me these massive and amazing words. He said, don't ever go down not swinging and don't ever let anyone take your sunshine. Hm. And I live with that. Now,
Jenn Junod
it's something that truly reminds me of you. And I, I spoke to somebody that's gonna be a guest on the podcast and it was about, I asked her about, you know, being brave enough to be me and I've really struggled with it, especially with like my, you know, feeling brave enough to wear the sequence and have my purple hair and be loud because that's just who I am and I've had in it for so long because society doesn't necessarily want it.
This is what she told me and I truly, truly see it in you is what would happen if the sun thought they were too bright. If the sun decided not to shine. If the sun said everybody says I give them burns, everybody says I'm too bright. Everybody says I'm just too shitty and they can't deal with it and I'm burning crops and I'm drying up water. What would happen if the sun decided not to shine, we would freeze, we would freeze, we would literally die.
And when they said that to me, it hit me so incredibly hard and I just see it so much in you too because you inspire so many individuals, even myself to just be, be ourselves, no matter if that's loud, proud and bright or just their quiet selves that you know, want to just chill and not be, you know, in the spotlight like you inspired to just be to just be whoever they are. And I just absolutely adore that about you.
Konnor; the kween
Thank you.
Jenn Junod
That's all you have to do is just be Yeah, and now final things before we wrap up, please like share and comment our social media and youtube. It is shit. The number two talk about to find us on all social medias. And I said youtube because I was really thinking about it on Thursdays at 7 p.m. Pacific 10 p.m. Eastern.
Let me get the time zones, right. We will be doing youtube premieres for now on and that is where you can watch the release of the youtube video and talk with the guests and myself as we go through it and watch it all together and get some good nuggets and takeaways and Connor the queen to reach out to you. Of course.
Konnor; the kween
Yeah. Go to my Instagram at Connor the queen. It's Konno rt Hekween is like a whole thing. But yeah at Connor the queen on Instagram. Message me, right? We post I love to talk.
Jenn Junod
Yes. And she might even send you some inspirational voice chats on it if you need it.
Konnor; the kween
Let me know.
Jenn Junod
Yeah, because you sent me some and I was just like, I can't wait to speak to Connor and last but not least what is something that you're grateful for?
Konnor; the kween
Let me tell you right now. I am so grateful for the sunshine that is giving me this beautiful lighting. I think I've been thinking about it the entire like time that we've been talking. So the sunshine. Absolutely and true. Authentic positivity.
Jenn Junod
I love that and something that I'm grateful for is in the background. I, at Connor's house, his mom and him painted zebra butt fur. Her. Ok. Yes, thank you. See, I don't even like catch it. Yes. It's, it's so many people. I do want to call that out because it's something that many of us mess up and you're not supposed to be doing what I do.
You're just supposed to change it and move on yet. I wanna call out that again. So Connor and her mom, I did the, the zebra buts and I just love that in the background and I asked her to move it and she moved it so I could stare at it our entire call and I am so grateful for that.
Konnor; the kween, Jenn Junod
So I'm glad you're grateful for my zebra, but I, I am, I kind of want you to take a picture of it and send it to me so I can print it.
Konnor; the kween
It's just five beautiful asses.
Konnor; the kween, Jenn Junod
Every ass you make is true.
Jenn Junod
All right, Connor, thank you so much for joining the podcast today. We appreciate you.
Konnor; the kween
Thank you, doll.
Jenn Junod
Bye bye.
Hello again. Beautiful human. What did you get out of today's episode? We'd love to hear what was most impactful to you. We all know someone that could have really used this episode so please send it their way. Remind them that they're not alone. Stay tuned for new episodes every Wednesday. Here's a few ways that we could really use your support to keep shit.
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