S1 E51 Shit2TalkAbout Repeatedly Dead with Fred Rutman

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Jenn Junod

Thank you for joining shit. You don't want to talk about. Please introduce yourself and what shit you wanna talk about?

Fred Rutman

Hi, Jen. Thanks for having me on, I'm gonna talk about, dying multiple times and the consequences of dying multiple times.

Jenn Junod

Oh, shit. That's a, you know, that's a big topic to start with. so how do you know about talking about this subject? Because I feel like that's maybe something a doctor would talk about.

Fred Rutman

Well, I know about it because it's happened to me. So I have, been clinically dead and I guess I can start with the definition of clinically dead is when your heart stops and you stop breathing for 30 seconds or more. So, I have been clinically dead dozens of times that we know of.

Jenn Junod

Well, I'm happy to have you on the podcast and that you're here. And, what happened? How did that happen? How, how are you still living and not clinically dead?

Fred Rutman

That's a great question. And I asked the doctors that fairly often, and they don't have an answer. So I, I guess I'll go back to the summer of 2009 when this started and I had a whole bunch of episodes where the doctors thought I was passing out randomly. and they didn't know why and every time I would pass out I would hit my head on whatever was, you know, the hardest object in the universe in my vicinity and get a concussion.

So this happened about 20 times. And so as a result of hitting my head and the concussions and all the trauma that went on. I've got a good case of PTSD and post concussion syndrome and apparently I have a ear bud syndrome cause my ear bud doesn't wanna stay in. so it took the doctors months to figure out what was going on with me. And, they eventually figured out that I had a condition called a full heart block.

So if your readers don't or your audience doesn't know what a full heart block is. It's when the electrical system in your heart that tells your atria and ventricles when to pump, starts to misfire. And I had an extreme case. So the, the electrical nodes in my heart that were supposed to tell my heart to pump weren't sending any signals. And the backup system that your heart has because your body is very smart and it has backup systems weren't firing either.

So my heart would stop, my blood pressure would go to zero no blood and oxygen in the brain and boom, you're down. And, oddly, it would restart every so often, you know, whether it was 30 40 seconds. we have, an incident of up to five minutes when it took before, the old ticker kicks in again.

Jenn Junod

Ok. That is, there's a lot there. I just, so that way our audience knows a bit more about the concussions or what they thought the concussions were. from my understanding, a concussion is when doesn't necessarily mean when you hit your head, it could be like whiplash or your, your brain is basically jolted in i in your skull, which can happen a lot when you hit your head and it causes brain swelling.

Jenn Junod, Fred Rutman

I think it can cause swelling.

Fred Rutman

It can cause bruising, it can cause scar tissue. It can cause loss of functions and all sorts of things like that like it, it did for me. So I lost some memory. I lost an entire language out of my head. I've been reading Hebrew since I was five years old. And my friends brought me my prayer book one night in the hospital, I could no longer read Hebrew the givers.

Jenn Junod

That's bananas.

Fred Rutman

Yeah. Yeah, that's a slippery slope. Those bananas.

Jenn Junod

And you mentioned that you got PTSD from it and that is post traumatic stress disorder.

Fred Rutman

Thank you.

Jenn Junod

I was like, wait a minute, which order are the letters and that's from anticipating the fall or like being in a similar situation that could trigger the emotions that have happened, correct.

Fred Rutman

It's partly that and it's partly the subsequent traumas that I underwent and there being no clear recovery plan for what has happened to me. OK. So they eventually put in a pacemaker which we don't think went very smoothly, which is unusual because they do about 800,000 pacemakers a year worldwide. So this should be, you know, a simple 25 30 minute operation. And the reason we think it didn't go well is because four years later in 2013, all this started happening again.

Jenn Junod

Oh, wow. Ok. Let's, let's pause on that one because there was one other part that you mentioned from the falls was the post concussion.

Jenn Junod, Fred Rutman

And what does that represent or show up for you as it showed up as memory loss, slurred words,

Fred Rutman

depth perception issues, balance issues. I had trouble, you know, going downstairs, I couldn't manage things like that. And we were talking about my ex neighbor and his sense of space and ability. I would go places if there was a sloped floor like in the subway on the platform that, you know, they slope. So water drains to me, it would feel like I was falling off the edge of a cliff and, and I would have to, you know, somehow make my way back to a wall and just sit there, you know, for 1520

minutes un until that false sense because it's not real, obviously. but until that passed and then I could go back out and catch a subway and get where I was going. So there's all sorts of, of things that go along with that until your brain starts to heal, that starts to heal.

Jenn Junod

Yeah, I know that these type of issues are talked a lot about in football players since they're, one of the biggest sports or the biggest sport that gets concussions and that's a whole another topic for another day. now you said this happened in 2009 and they, that you died multiple times. How did they find out that it was your heart and not something in your brain causing you to pass out?

Fred Rutman

Well, first there's a question of whether I have a brain or not cause, they eventually, after a whole bunch of misdiagnosis and, you know, having cognitive medical bias, saying they kept trying to prove I was having a heart attack. And the, the main way they do that is, they do a blood test and when you have a heart attack, your heart muscle dies and it gives off a couple of enzymes and they see that in your blood.

but, you know, after like 15 tests and it's showing I'm not having a heart attack, you know, maybe move off your spot, doctors and look for something else. So they eventually put on something called a Halter monitor, which is a named after doctor Halter. And it's a portable recording device that records your, your heart for two days, three days.

The new ones could do five days because they're digital and they eventually put one on me. And yeah, that was Friday afternoon in the hospital and they said, OK, we wanna see what's going on with your heart because maybe it is your heart and by the way, we need your bed so you have to leave the hospital.

Jenn Junod

Oh Wow. OK.

Jenn Junod, Fred Rutman

It was just amazing and got it.

Fred Rutman

Yeah. And I want to inject here that I this is in no way a bashing of the medical system. This is just what happened, you know, every industry has a continuum of, you know, superstars and at the bottom end it's the, how the fuck did you get this job? And why haven't you been fired yet?

Jenn Junod

And, and also I would say, and you and I talked about this in our intro call of being our own medical advocate because so many the medical field is absolutely fascinating. That doesn't mean the answer that they're giving you is they may not know to dig enough or you like for me, I've done it where I didn't give them a symptom that changed everything. So that is, I love that you're talking about an underlying way that you're being your own medical advocate.

Fred Rutman

It a couple, it really helped in a couple of other instances, excuse me. So they put in a pacemaker and it started failing in 2013. So I would, my heart would stop again while I was doing whatever, riding a bike in the middle of nowhere, walking somewhere. And, you know, I would crack my head again and went into the hospital and they couldn't figure out what was going on initially because pacemakers don't fail.

So, they, you know, they weren't even looking at that. They were trying to find something else bizarre with me and, they eventually, one, a doctor who wasn't, my doctor just put his hand on the pacemaker and moved it and, ok, I'll take a step back. Pacemaker is a, a little supercomputer, maybe the size or, or even smaller than a pocket watch and they insert it over the muscle in your chest.

And depending on your condition, they thread wires from the pacemaker to your heart to send the electrical current that's not being produced. OK. And so I had what's called a dual chamber pacemaker. So one wire would go to my Atria and one would go to my ventricle. OK? And when he moved the pacemaker because you can feel it, I can feel it here and I can feel it here because I've actually got two.

We'll get to that in a, in a moment. you know, he moved the pacemaker and I went. So, they realized there's something wrong with the pacemaker and then they narrowed it down pretty quickly that one of these wires or leads as they're called, it was malfunctioning.

Jenn Junod

Then they found out that it was cracked really quick for our audience because some people are listening instead of watching, he Fred just made the expression of they moved the pacemaker and my guess is that you went clinically dead again. Yeah. Ok. Thank you. Please continue.

Fred Rutman

so they, they figured out that the pacemaker lead had cracked the there's insulation on it so that the current can go through. So it's just like, you know, any other electrical cord, like, you know, we've got insulation on them and they decided I had to have the lead replaced and they never put much thought into why might this have happened.

But about 10 days later, we got a theory as to why it might have happened. So they went to put in the new pacemaker and when they put in the first one, I was asleep for the whole thing. So I have no idea what happened for this one. They've changed the technique, different hospital, different doctors and you're awake

Jenn Junod

that doesn't sound pleasant whatsoever.

Fred Rutman

No. And they, they freeze you up just like a, I guess they use similar to what a dentist uses to numb you up. And with me, they used a laser scalpel and I was already anxious going in and they use some weird antiseptic on me that was making me feel like I wasn't breathing properly. And then they start using the laser scalpel and you can actually feel or smell your, your flesh burning.

Is there like who, who thinks this is a good idea? I don't know. You know, get a vacuum hose or something like, and then I have a big scoreboard in front of me that monitors all your vitals. And when I guess they move the pacemaker again slightly. And by this point it's happened to me enough times. I know when my heart is stopped, you know, it might be only for a 2nd, 2nd and a half.

Jenn Junod, Fred Rutman

But I, I know it's happening and before it even showed up on, on the monitor, I just went, oh fuck, I'm gone and, and then I was gone and, and then bedlam ensued so that, ok, I, I know the audience cannot see all the facial expressions of like,

Jenn Junod

that I have right now just because I get really grossed out even with blood or scabs or anything. They all gross me out. Yet. It, it is so important to know about the process. Now, were they able to replace the pacemaker then?

Fred Rutman

Not in that surgery? So what happened in the interim is they had to resuscitate me and they have these electrical pads that pass a current through you. And it's sort of like the defibrillators you see on TV when they go clear and, but this fires like every two thirds of a second. And apparently I was only out for 10 to 20 seconds. and when it came to, you're just getting the, the shit shocked out of you and, and it feels like you're getting kicked in the ribs or, you know, getting a massive

beat down. So I si said, OK, I'm back like you guys can stop with the CPR or whatever you're doing to me and then somebody else out, shut the fuck up. We're trying to save your life and then somebody else shouts out something like no, keep talking. So we know you're OK and then they start scrambling because they, they have to find a temporary pacemaker to insert, to keep me alive because this one's obviously, not safe for me right now.

So nobody knew where it was. I guess they don't keep these in the supply closet. I don't know. So, ok, so people are, it's not like you see on TV, where when they say code blue, code blue and then, you know, the specific eight people or whatever that you need are there in 14 seconds with all the right medicines and all the right equipment. And, so it took them a while to find the temporary pacemaker.

So I was still getting shocked and shocked and shocked and they finally bring one back and then they say, well, where's the rest of it? Because they only brought the pacemaker part. They didn't bring the wires part. So they had to, they had to go off and, and find the wires and bring them back in the interim. they insert the wires through your femoral artery, which is the long artery that goes down all the way to your, your calf, I guess, and comes up through your groin. So, what should

have been done is they should have doused me with antiseptic and some numbing agent because they have to cut you open to get into that that artery, which they didn't do. So, it was like yikes, that was pretty painful. And then they weren't sure that they inserted the temporary pacemaker, very securely. So I was stuck and more than bed rest. I was like, don't freaking move rest. Oh Wow. For another seven days until they made sure I didn't get an infection.

Jenn Junod, Fred Rutman

And then they, they tried again, did, did round two go better slightly.

Fred Rutman

They, they also had difficulty. So before that surgery, I advocated for myself and said, OK, I'm not having this laser scalpel thing again. And we're using a different antiseptic and all that stuff's gotta change. And so they accommodated me. But then during the surgery, I noticed I kept falling asleep and when I'd wake up, the clock had moved like another 20 minutes or 30 minutes or 40 minutes.

And they couldn't thread the new pacemaker lead through the vein. So I'd wake up and my doctors on like a video conference with other surgeons around the world trying to figure out what the hell to do. How do we fix this and this surgeon was no slo she's like, you know, a top 20 in the world in his field. So, you know, it was definitely something unique and I didn't find that out for another couple of years.

What happened? But what happened is my vein had collapsed. So my two surgeries didn't have these two recent surgeries. I didn't have any trauma that would have caused the vein to collapse because they didn't get that far, right. So the theory is that something happened in the first surgery that caused the vein to collapse.

Jenn Junod, Fred Rutman

So with your very first pacemaker, yes.

Fred Rutman

So the 2009, the initial surgery, ok. And this collapse of the vein is probably what damaged the pacemaker lead to start with and then it just kept the little crap got bigger and bigger and bigger until it became problematic.

Jenn Junod

So that's my, they were able to get that one in eventually. Yes.

Jenn Junod, Fred Rutman

And how long did that one last till 2018.

Fred Rutman

So I should mention a pacemaker should last 7, 1012 years. You know, usually it's the battery that dies. Ok. So they have to replace the pacemaker unit, ok? Which should be simple. So in 2018, the same thing started happening again. And so it was a quicker find this time because they knew it was possible. So they decided they were gonna do a completely different surgery this time and they were going to insert a second pacemaker, put two brand new leads in on the right side.

So for your listeners, I'm motioning to the right side of my chest where my second pacemaker is and then they were just gonna turn off the original pacemakers and, and you know, say good riddance. So of course, I said to the surgeon, you know, after what happened to me, the last two surgeries, could you please just put me to sleep? Like if you guys are gonna kill me again, I want no part of it.

I just just, you know, kill me while I'm asleep. So so they obliged me. And when I was waking up in recovery, I noticed that this surgery had also taken a ridiculous amount of time. I think it took like five hours. because for some reason, they couldn't get the second pacemaker lead inserted. I don't know if it's, I've got too much junk in my heart or or what is going on.

I don't have a clear answer on that. So they had to come up with something on the fly. So this newest pacemaker is now a backup to the malfunctioning pacemaker and they had to set up the sensors. So when the older pacemaker malfunctions, the new one will kick in as a backup, but it takes a while to get those synchronized. It's not an exact science.

So it probably took a good two years before I stopped having these little episodes where my heart would stop for 358 seconds or whatever. And, you know, I kind of go out for a little bit. Not completely and I was told that I was one of only eight people in the world that have two pacemakers functioning simultaneously.

Jenn Junod, Fred Rutman

So I'm not sure if that's, you know, urban myth or that's a real thing that really does go with your one in a million or closer to one in a billion.

Jenn Junod

Yeah, so you're very unique. All right. So that was 2018. It's, and then it took till 2020 to get your two pacemakers to synchronize. Have you had any of the for lack of a better term pass out episodes?

Fred Rutman

No, thankfully. I'm I haven't. So I actually just came from, I mentioned this morning, I went to the cardiologist and they also do a pacemaker check. So, absolutely no malfunctioning in, in the pacemaker over the last 12 months.

Jenn Junod, Fred Rutman

For sure, sweet.

Jenn Junod

That's good news at least.

Fred Rutman

Yes. Want some bad news with it.

Jenn Junod

No, but you know, you mentioned it might as well hear it.

Fred Rutman

I've only got nine months of battery left in the original pacemaker.

Jenn Junod

So I'm gonna have to go in again and for everyone listening, these episodes are recorded months in advance because scheduling and things like that, making sure we can get episodes out and it is the beginning of April 2022 when we're recording this. So everyone, when you listen to this and anyway, no matter when you listen to this, please send Fred lots of love and hugs and good vibes

because this is a lifelong thing. Now. So many curiosity questions. Like at one point, did you decide to start wearing a helmet everywhere or like putting you in a bubble?

Fred Rutman

No, one of the original doctors who misdiagnosed me suggested that I wear one of those nerve helmets. And that I was just gonna have to live with this condition forever. And I had had a competing medical opinion that what he he was diagnosing me with something called vasal vagal syndrome. We have the vagus nerve which controls all your unconscious functions in your body. And have you ever come across people that like if they see blood or a broken limb or something?

Jenn Junod, Fred Rutman

Maybe yourself, they pass out?

Jenn Junod

Yeah, that has happened to me a few times. So yes.

Fred Rutman

So that's what your condition is called. And it's an overreaction from your vagus nerve. But usually if somebody has that condition, it starts presenting itself in your teen years or early adult years, it doesn't start showing up in the middle of nowhere when you're in, when you're in your mid forties.

So it was a wrong diagnosis. The other diagnosis I had was somebody telling me I needed a pacemaker and, and these doctors just wouldn't listen to him. So we had the answer could have saved me a lot of trauma.

Jenn Junod, Fred Rutman

but sometimes doctors, you know, that ego gets in the way that's, I've had friends with similar occurrences where they are in their thirties.

Jenn Junod

one particular friend, she's in her thirties and they wanna believe her that she needed pacemaker. And it took her years of working with some of the top hospitals in the world for them to finally believe that she needed a pacemaker. And it's helped yet there's not every, all of her health issues are resolved and it's just crazy to think that it's h how important it is that we need to advocate for ourselves medically.

I, I know you and I talked about this in our intro call a while back and how, you know, I went through surgeries of, I had, I've had these mi like, they're not quite migraines, they were pressure headaches on my right temple and they would happen so sporadically over the years that I never knew what quite caused them. And then when I, in 2020 I started getting them so often and I would wrap scarves around my head that as tight as can be that it would cut off circulation to everything else

that I went to a neurologist. And they're like, yeah, this isn't common, kind of sounds like you need surgery. And I, when I was, when I was a kid my skull formed differently which concerned my mom. And so it's, I don't know how to say it barrow or brow. It's like one of the top neurosurgeons in the country. And they're in Phoenix, which is where I'm from and where I was living that I was a kid when my mom had MRI S done.

So I had cat scans or Mr I's done of this and had proof for some reason, my mom convinced me to keep them for over 30 years. And I went back to borrow a barrow and they told me no Arachnoid cyst, they're super common. Don't worry about it. Like it'll go away. And I'm like, no dude, like these are debilitating, like I can't do anything when these happen. And so they took a look at it and they had to do a risky surgery. They told me they were like, hey, this may not work, but we'll try to get a

little tunnel to let the Arachnoid cyst drain because it shouldn't be, be building up pressure. And lucky enough it worked. And I'm so fortunate. It's been almost two years and I was telling you on our call, as an update, I just had my, I have to have a yearly MRI and my Arachnoid cyst actually went down in size. So it's working. Yay. It's amazing yet. So many individuals don't have that type of success story for their own medical wife.

Fred Rutman

Yeah. My sister is a legal nurse. So she helps lawyers in malpractice cases. And the three most common sources of medical error are misdiagnosis and miscommunication. and why there's a misdiagnosis is a lot of, it's ego and, you know, a nurse will spend a 12 hour shift with you.

You're lucky if you see a doctor for five minutes, you know, every third day. Ok. drug inconsistencies. So people either take the wrong drug or given the wrong drug or in a surgery, something gets left inside like, 00 shit, that's where my rolex went.

Jenn Junod

Sorry, dude, I was wondering what that ticking was. Yeah, that's crazy. And that, that leads me to, especially when they start first started happening in 2009. Have they said that? because I've, I've heard of in like we hear on the news and, you know, I, I don't have an exact pinpoint of this knowledge but people with very high stressors like men that are CEO S can be incredibly athletic and drop dead from a heart attack where, but then we also hear from many heart

associations that we need to work out all the time. We need to eat right. It could be a family history. Do you have any of those common, I, I guess precursors to leading to any of this.

Fred Rutman

Well, I've been obese most of my life. I'm not as o obese as I used to be. at one point I weighed £340. Now, I'm probably about 240. I gained a little bit back during COVID, like so many other people. usually, a heart attack is when some sort of plaque in your artery comes loose and then it jams it up and sort of makes like a, a beaver building a dam and, and obstructs the, the blood from going to wherever it's supposed to go in that artery and then the heart muscle dies.

So that's the very simple overview of what a heart attack is. mine is not a heart attack. Mine is simply the electrical. So the battery went dead. They don't know why. it's, you know, could have been a congenital thing but it probably would have shown up earlier and I think one out of 30,000 births has some sort of congenital electrical defect, but mine went from 0 to 100 you know, just like that. So, they're not really sure what happened to me.

Jenn Junod

Oh, wow. And you haven't had a family history of it? Your sister doesn't have any of these issues?

Fred Rutman

No. No. Wow. Not my brother, not my parents. Nothing.

Jenn Junod

Goodness. And I, I do wanna ask because I've had friends that have experienced this and I actually had a, a good friend pass away when I was in high school that they were treated very differently in the medical system because they were obese and so many people just blamed everything on obesity. Did, did you have doctors do the same type of experience? Did, or did they even mention it?

Fred Rutman

Well, I think that's one of the reasons they kept looking for a heart attack. So that was the stereotypical, you know, overweight, white male. not exercising enough. Although I, I did exercise. I used to exercise quite a bit actually. and so they were just caught in their own stereotype and, but I don't think it was a cause per se.

Jenn Junod

Yeah. And, and that brings me to something that we actually talked about on our intro call. And right before we started, this episode was you lost £100 dude. Like that's huge. And how did you end up doing that? And how is that affecting your medical liveliness?

Fred Rutman

Well, a part of it, I did the hard way, the old calories in calories out, you know, eat less, which we're now finding out is a fairly flawed system of weight loss because most people who lose weight that way, you know, ultimately gain it back and more. So before my surgery in 2018, I was at my cardiologist's office and he comes into the room and he literally throws a book at me.

And the book was the obesity Code by Doctor Jason Fung, the New York Times best seller. So he's a nephrologist, a kidney specialist. at one of the hospitals in Toronto and he was tired of having all his patients lose limbs and kidneys and stuff from type two diabetes. And he did some research and he found what he believed was a solution and that was intermittent fasting.

So this book is about intermittent fasting and he explains why intermittent fasting helps your body lose weight. and it's only, I guess, six or seven years since he wrote that book. And we know so much more about intermittent fasting now and the reality is it does so much healing for your body before it gets to the weight loss. So when you intermittent fast, it activates all these subsystems in your, in your body that just tells it how to heal itself.

And I grew up playing hockey in Canada outside. It's a law. You, you grew up in Canada, you have to play hockey outside. I played football, I played college rugby. I was obese for a long period of time and my body used to ache every joint like it was unbelievable how, how much pain this was. And there were days I felt like I couldn't get out of bed since I've been fasting.

I don't have an ache or pain in my body. I don't get any migraines. I don't get headaches except for COVID. I've never gotten sick. Every bit of inflammation in my body is gone. Wow. And it's not just a story that's applicable. To me, as you know, I was a moderator in a very, very large Facebook group, of intermittent fasters. And you would just hear story after story after story of people not only losing weight but, you know, women had their PC OS, go away.

you know, all sorts of medical conditions, all sorts of autoimmune conditions, went away and the doctors are stunned. Part of the story that I left out is the first time I went in the hospital in 2009, they told me I was type two diabetic. I had no idea. So they put me on the traditional insulin and Metformin and, said, you know, this is a chronic condition. You'll, you'll never get off the drugs.

You'll have to take more drugs and, you're probably gonna lose a limb or two. And, you know, that's not a lot of incentive for somebody to, to clean up their life if you know that it's not gonna make a difference anyway, within six months of me starting intermittent fasting. I was no longer type two diabetes and I was off insulin.

Jenn Junod, Fred Rutman

Wow, that is, that's powerful.

Jenn Junod

And I do wanna pause and just say to the audience, we Fred is talking about his own experience and by no means, are we giving like medical advice or diet advice or food advice? It's learning about what works with for other people. So if you want to explore it. There's definitely, I know there's a book that Fred loves will link it into the podcast notes and you can explore it on your own. I and Fred and I talked about this a bit before we started recording. And as I said, I, we, we're

recording this in April. I started doing intermittent fasting about a week ago. So updates to come and I know that for myself, I feel great yet It's not for everyone. And please do your research check. What feels good? Check with your doctor. You know, this is, I just know that it played into Fred's story and now Fred before we start closing up, is there anything that we started or that we didn't talk about today that you wanted to talk about?

Fred Rutman

most of my neurological recovery I attribute to the fasting and we know that the fasting activates these things called neurotropic neurotropic factors. that will heal nerves, build new synapses and get rid of scar tissue in every area of your body. So, it's fascinating, but I wanna thank you for bringing up the medical concern issue. we know in general there are three people, three types of people that shouldn't do fasting.

people who have had eating disorders, women who are pregnant or women who are breastfeeding. You absolutely shouldn't do fasting if you start it. and you're on medications, you absolutely have to work with your doctor because many medications are size dependent. And as you lose weight in your condition lessons, you know, you might have to reduce your doses.

And that's what I did with my insulin. I went to the diabetes clinic every two or four weeks and they adjusted my glucometer which told me how much insulin to take and then, you know, it just went down and down and down.

Jenn Junod, Fred Rutman

if I hadn't done that I would have been taking way too much, I could have gone into insulin shock, which as someone that has lived with a type one diabetic and a type two diabetic.

Jenn Junod

If you have too much insulin or you go too low, that can cause hospitalization if not death. So please please please to Fred's point check with your doctor and, and this is on any type of diet or life change or food change. This is not just with if is the short version of intermittent fasting. And thank you again for saying that there are people that maybe shouldn't look at at it.

But I, I sincerely hope that hearing about your, what you've overcome medically really does help others advocate for themselves and really analyze what they're being told and ask questions. Now, do you have any words of wisdom for our audience?

Fred Rutman

There's a lot of people out there that are going through challenges and well, I can't say I've walked in your shoes. I, I have walked beside you in some manner or jog beside you or, you know, been trying to catch up to you and your, your mindset is so important. And again, I'm not saying it's easy to be all happy and smiley and unicorn.

But don't compare yourself to anybody else. There's a saying that comparison is the thief of joy. There's so much joy around, you know, your situation is your situation. Grab as much joy as you can. The better your attitude, the easier your fight, whatever it is is going to be.

Jenn Junod

Thank you for that. And I feel like that is just a really good nugget to remind ourselves of. And I know for myself, there's many times that I'm like the podcast isn't moving enough, we're not getting enough listeners because at a certain point, we're able to get ads and things like that to be able to pay for it to keep it going. And it's frustrating because I'm like, I just want to be able to pay for it all.

I, I can't in January 2022 I lost my job and I am, I need, it's so hard to say that I need support from others to be able to continue sharing this message changing shit you don't want to talk about into shit to talk about and showing that we're not alone and giving us all hope. And it's, it's definitely something that comparing myself to other podcasts, comparing myself to other nonprofits to other people's

weight loss to their quote unquote success is something that I've worked hard myself and continue to work hard on because it is really that comparison is the thief of joy.

Fred Rutman

So come on, advertisers and potential sponsors. Let's pick up the game and give Jen some love.

Jenn Junod

Thank you. Thank you. And for our listeners, if you want to support it, please share like, subscribe and you can donate. The link is, will be in the episode description as well as on our website. And Fred, how does our audience reach out to you?

Fred Rutman

You can go to my fairly new Instagram.

Jenn Junod, Fred Rutman

It's repeatedly dead Fred or I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh at that, but it's a great name.

Fred Rutman

Thanks my friend Diana came up with that name or you can email me at repeatedly dot dead dot Fred at gmail. If you, you know, want to publish my book or something like that or just have questions about fasting or about my story.

Jenn Junod

Perfect. Thank you. And for our listeners as a heads up, Fred is just submitted his manuscript to publishers. And so we definitely any publishers out there, please reach out to Fred. And also it's so much to learn from a Fred story and to give us hope, Fred, what is something that you're grateful for?

Fred Rutman

I'm grateful for the community that surrounded me and supported me. I'm grateful that my parents blessed me with this resilience gene that I don't think a lot of people have naturally but can be developed. And I'm grateful that I can hopefully share my story and positively impact the lives of other people.

Jenn Junod

I love that. And Fred, I'm grateful that this, this is such a weird thing. But during our intro call, I mentioned that I was having surgery, which in my mind is no comparison to what you've been going through. And again, comparison is the thief of joy. But it's, it meant so much to me that you would reach out and just be like, hey, how's healing? What are you up to? You're still alive? And it's, it's little things like that, that a really made me remember who you are and how much you cared

just about a stranger. And also really sets an example of how just reaching out to an individual can mean so much to them even if it's not said. And I'm very grateful that you came in my life and have already taught me so much. And I'm hoping that we can share that with the audience too.

Fred Rutman

Thank you.

Jenn Junod, Fred Rutman

It's very nice of you to say, well, talk to you soon, Fred and thank you for joining the podcast.

Fred Rutman

Thank you for having me on. Bye bye bye.

Hello again, beautiful human. What did you get out of today's episode? We'd love to hear what was most impactful to you. We all know someone that could have really used this episode. So please send it their way. Remind them that they're not alone. Stay tuned for new episodes every Wednesday. Here's a few ways that we could really use your support to keep shit.

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